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Author Topic: Need advice and encouragement  (Read 438 times)
Blessed0329
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 189



« on: April 08, 2013, 08:42:34 PM »

My ex and I have maintained NC now for 12 weeks, and it has been 6 weeks since I deleted him from FB. Although I still have bad days, when I miss him badly, for the most part I am feeling much better. I still think about him too much, but I believe I am healing.

Today I received a phone call at work from an unrelated individual. Without going into details, I needed to give this person my ex's contact info, because this person must speak with him about a work related matter. This matter may lead to my ex having to contact me, and see me. I gave the other person some options he could present to my ex regarding obtaining the necessary information. My ex could come see me at my office (the easiest way for him to handle it), or could go to another city an hour away to meet with other colleagues about it. It doesn't matter to me which way he handles this, and either way would complete the first part of this task.

If my ex decides to go and see other colleagues in the other town, that's fine, and I may never hear about this outcome. But if he chooses to come and see me, the most convenient option, I am concerned that the face to face contact will set me back. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the situation, there is no one else in my current office that can handle this matter but me.

So... .   How do I maintain disengagement emotionally if I do have to see him? Maybe people who have to see their exes due to children or property might have some words of advice for me.
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seeking balance
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2013, 08:47:23 PM »

So... .   How do I maintain disengagement emotionally if I do have to see him?

The truth - accept that you likely will lose your balance a bit, but you have tools now to regain it.

Breathe deeply

Don't indulge in alcohol, drugs, etc before or immediately after seeing him.

Have a cheat sheet (keep it brief and on topic).

Review some of the staying communication tools (they help if situation gets tense).

Remember - you are ok - you really are.
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Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
Cumulus
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 414



« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2013, 08:56:01 PM »

Hi, two years out, because of shared family I see him occasionally.  I do OK when I know I am going to run into him, become anxious at those times when the meeting is unexpected. So, I ask my kids ahead of time if he is going to be present at an event, I make sure I am never left alone in a room with him and I take extra time with my appearance so I feel as though I look good. I will nod and say hello but excuse myself if he begins to converse. Obviously not an option for you, but if possible I would only talk about work related issues. In response to how are you, a simple, I'm fine. Deep breaths and courage. All the best.
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Blessed0329
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Posts: 189



« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2013, 09:05:17 PM »

Thanks to you both for the replies. I am hoping he makes the inconvenient choice, and he may be able to make that choice in conjunction with other business related to his current occupation. But he really hates to be inconvenienced, and making that trip would be a hassle,  so I am sure he is pondering this dilemma. I think at this point he wants to avoid contact as much as I do, regardless the reason.
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