We broke up 8 weeks ago and we have been NC ever since. Up until then we tried hard to make our r/s work after he had made a total mess of everything, leaving me, triangulating
(read definition) me with a friend, smearing me etc. We were in T together for almost a year with a DBT specialist and things were improving and he owned up to his guilt bla bla. The one thing he couldn't do was make changes around his social life which I needed in order to continue after his brutal and humiliating betrayal.
One of his childhood friends came to visit us a few months back and her visit became a catalyst to bringing some of these old hurts to the surface. He realized just how much damage he had done but also that I needed an action on his part to continue being with him. What hurt the most, far above anything else, was the replacing me with this male friend who from the start had done everything to get between us, although at least on my ex's part there was never any romantic feelings involved. The whole thing has been so traumatizing for me I am struggling with PTSD which causes some panic attacks. The female friend kept telling me to not let something "so trivial" jeopardize our r/s, but she only has my ex's distorted version and has no idea of his BPD, nor has she seen that side of him, even a little. To her, I guess, I am the unstable, erratic party. My ex begged me to talk to her at the time but I never really got a chance.
My ex has blamed/bad-mouthed me to almost everybody and I am pretty sure his male friend has also. Our social circles overlap and I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious, not knowing who "knows" what about me. I have had friends unfriend me on FB for no apparent reason at all. People I know know this friend also. He is kind of well-known and nobody has a clue what he is really like either.
Anyway, getting to the point, sorry for being long-winded, I have felt for some time, a need to clear my name at least where it is possible. I have written a letter to his female friend, giving a brief description of my side of the story, but I haven't sent it yet. I want to but I am worried that it will somehow backfire in a way I haven't been able to foresee.
I am not backstabbing my ex in any way in the letter. I feel I can write to her for he kept asking me to talk to her when she was over here for that visit. In the letter I tell her about the male friend and how he uses and manipulates my ex, which is true, and how he was instrumental in causing our breakup last time. I explain about my PTSD and that we were in T together. I also tell her that there is a side to my ex that she doesn't know, that he feels panicky about being close to somebody he loves and how he will then push me away. I say that I am happy for my ex that he has a friend like her, that I wish him all the best in the future and that I sincerely hope he will never again let somebody abuse him again the way this friend did.
Should I send it?
