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Author Topic: Did your BPD become unglued in the end?  (Read 703 times)
jaird
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 284



« Reply #30 on: April 14, 2013, 08:25:06 AM »

They are a contradiction in so many ways, and that goes back to fleeting feelings and few core values.

My ex and I both agreed it was our best sex ever, and she was all about being together long term in a committed relationship, and she was insanely, really insanely, jealous.

Two weeks after we broke up she met another guy. Two weeks after that she started a friends with benefits type relationship with him. She says there is no love there, but there is an understanding and respect and she uses him for sex. She also says that sex with him is nothing like it was with us, and it is just a small part of their r/s.

If I thought about her contradictions any more, my head would spin.
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lbjnltx
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: widowed
Posts: 7757


we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #31 on: April 14, 2013, 08:41:29 AM »

oh wow Jaird.

You know what I often wondered.

My xBPDbf wrote in his private journal "Rocknut is the best boyfriend ever. i want to spend my life with him."

Yes I snooped through his stuff when he went nuts. Would a BPD write that in their own private journal they keep in a safe? If so, does that mean they are lieing to themselves?

No, it means that is how your ex felt in the moment it was written.

The hallmark of BPD is intense emotional thinking and reactions.  Emotions are ever changing.  A healthy person will recognize their emotions and balance them with rational/reasoning thoughts.  A person who suffers from BPD doesn't know how to do this.

lbjnltx
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charred
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1206



« Reply #32 on: April 14, 2013, 09:23:04 AM »

ScotisGone74

  You are dead right - you dodged a major cosmic bullet.  One thing I haven't seen spoken about is sexual jealousy, a technique that BPD's use to keep you in this state of fixated control.   You, I'm suspecting like me, isn't just going to sleep with anybody.  I've slept with two women in my life, my wife and my BPD ex.  For you, like most people, sex is associated with intimacy.  Because BPD's have such an insanely hard time with emotional intimacy, they look at physical intimacy as "close enough".  They will have a very long sexual track record and will do everything from letting you know who they are sleeping with to calling you after sex to act like everything is the same or to guilt you into committing less someone sleeps with "your girl".  I remember my BPD in the beginning of the relationship was actually sleeping with my colleague and letting me know in both over and covert ways that she was doing so. Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  At the same time, she was making out with me, holding my hand, and even performing sexual acts in my car.  So she was showing me the potential, claiming the reality with my colleague was subpar, and was holding me hostage until I would commit to the relationship.   And this was the BEGINNING of the relationship.  Compared to me, all of you are emotional rocket scientists. 

You sound like a very educated/intelligent guy. I have a theory about doctors... . my dad is one and at one time I was president over 3 medical centers... . worked with a lot of doctors. Actually it isn't limited to doctors, but it seems more prevalent with them.

When people are maturing, they sometimes hit bumps in the road that stop them from going on. The BPD folks... . seem to be stuck early at 2-3 yrs old. I think I was stuck at about 17, same as most doctors. Why would I say most doctors... . to be a doctor you have to bust your butt studying from 17-25 or so... . putting in long hours. You do things that are emotionally very trying (like dissecting cadavers)... . typically repressing a lot of needs in the process. Then when you finally get out and are doing an internship, you are called a doctor... . you want a partner... . and get one that is all wrong, but drawn to being "Mrs. Doctor X"... . and head out to start repaying all that med school debt.

So, I would disagree that compared to you, all of us are emotional rocket scientists. We were not as buried in pre-med/med school to the exclusion of being late teen/early twenties daters. The good thing is you probably make up for it in brain power.

If you are single now, do yourself a favor... . stay single a few years, date... . you will have lots of interest... . you can get the dating experience we were having when you were busy... . nicer even, girls will go out with you that wouldn't with us... . and find out what your issues are that led you to a pwBPD... . (I like Reinventing Your life by Jeff Young... .   and the schema therapy tests online... . set you back maybe $20... . give a lot of direction)

There have been a few doctors I met that didn't seem emotionally stunted around 17... . but I would say 9 out of 10 were. To sell them on an idea you had to make it sound like it was their idea and slightly irresponsible fun... .   which is part of what led me to my theory.

Anyway, you are being hard on yourself, lot of shame/dis-approval for having fallen for a pwBPD. It isn't a fluke, and it isn't something to beat yourself up about... .   both people in a r/s usually have about the same level of dysfunction... . you see the BPD issues, and from your comments I suspect you are very hard on yourself, maybe don't feel much joy even though you are driven and accomplish a lot, are socially awkward, etc... . those are things you can change to make your life much better.
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