here we go again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Today im feeling pretty annoyed, my friend with BPD does the same thing over, over, and over again. this is how it goes, she starts out on her "love quest" (date one with new guy) falls in "love" and is overly obsessed with the guy, feels shes found her "soul mate"... .    

(they go through the motions)... .   starting’s great, shes on like almost a high, sorta like a little school girl whos fallen in love for the first time, and its that magical experience... .   then she starts to see flaws in him and starts pushing him away, (etc. didnt show up at the time she wanted him to, askes to much of her, doesnt like that this one gets high, that guys to ruff, that guys not nice anymore, said he loves her and she panics... . ) bottom line it the guy gets to close... .  

(the crash) so either she ends up finding a good guy who might just be someone she could actually build a health relationship with, or she lands herself some ___hole whos uses her up, and takes advantage of her willingness to please at first or someone who get way to obsessed on her, and ends up wanting to do some serious harm to her(or does)... .   so if its good she cuts ties faster, if its bad she feels she deserves whatever and they dont really seem to ever really go way even when shes tells them to, they pop up all the time. :'(

end of the day, shes crushed, hates herself more, cant function, wont take care of herself at all... . i get upset for her cuz i dont want see her die/drown once again. over the years I have ended up just getting annoyed with her and I don’t feel so bad(well I do but I don’t, it hard to explain) when she gets burnt in the end cuz shes pretty much always setting herself up to fall... . shes an idiot but i love her, anyways I end up being her rock at the end, and we (myself, along with a couple other people) just start to peace back her together, she gets to a good place and then the cycle "love quest" goes on... . i quess im asking if theres anything i can say that would help(we have a id say, very open relationship, and i can pretty well talk to her about anything)... .   or will this always be something that happens?... .   does anyone with BPD ever recover and lead at least live some what happy lives for more then a couple months or do they always live there lives in a great deal of pain?

[qwaszx]

Today im feeling pretty annoyed, my friend with BPD does the same thing over, over, and over again. this is how it goes, she starts out on her "love quest" (date one with new guy) falls in "love" and is overly obsessed with the guy, feels shes found her "soul mate"... .    

(they go through the motions)... .   starting’s great, shes on like almost a high, sorta like a little school girl whos fallen in love for the first time, and its that magical experience... .   then she starts to see flaws in him and starts pushing him away, (etc. didnt show up at the time she wanted him to, askes to much of her, doesnt like that this one gets high, that guys to ruff, that guys not nice anymore, said he loves her and she panics... . ) bottom line it the guy gets to close... .  

(the crash) so either she ends up finding a good guy who might just be someone she could actually build a health relationship with, or she lands herself some ___hole whos uses her up, and takes advantage of her willingness to please at first or someone who get way to obsessed on her, and ends up wanting to do some serious harm to her(or does)... .   so if its good she cuts ties faster, if its bad she feels she deserves whatever and they dont really seem to ever really go way even when shes tells them to, they pop up all the time. :'(

end of the day, shes crushed, hates herself more, cant function, wont take care of herself at all... . i get upset for her cuz i dont want see her die/drown once again. over the years I have ended up just getting annoyed with her and I don’t feel so bad(well I do but I don’t, it hard to explain) when she gets burnt in the end cuz shes pretty much always setting herself up to fall... . shes an idiot but i love her, anyways I end up being her rock at the end, and we (myself, along with a couple other people) just start to peace back her together, she gets to a good place and then the cycle "love quest" goes on... . i quess im asking if theres anything i can say that would help(we have a id say, very open relationship, and i can pretty well talk to her about anything)... .   or will this always be something that happens?... .   does anyone with BPD ever recover and lead at least live some what happy lives for more then a couple months or do they always live there lives in a great deal of pain?

[hithere]

do they always live there lives in a great deal of pain?

I think that.

over, over, and over again.

Yes, that is typical.

she could actually build a health relationship with

Without getting help she is not really capable of having a healthy relationship.

[OTH]

 

Sounds kind of like this... .  

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

Is your friend diagnosed with BPD? Does your friend accept this? Is your friend in therapy?

If your friend is working on her issues there is good chance she can do better. If not I would assume the same trend you see is going to continue. It is nice of you to be a friend a provide support but I would keep it mind that getting too close to her or tied into her issues could put your life off kilter too. Don't take responsibility for her life or her mistakes. Doesn't mean you can't be a friend when she needs help just don't let helping her negatively effect your own life. Know your boundaries.

There is some good reading on the suggested list. The Essential Family Guilde to BPD and Loving someone with BPD are good books. Take care.

https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/index.htm

[qwaszx]

yes, she is getting help, working on changing psychiatrist (i dont know it this is just how they work, or its just him but she sees him maybe 5-10 mins every mouth or two, and all he's ever does he up her meds that dont even work for her making her like a zombie, and more suicidal then shes ever been, and he doesnt listen... . so thats why shes trying to get a new one) , but has pretty good therapist as far I know. That whole thing has been pretty hit and miss as far as finding supports that can help her... . as of right now she hasn't been diagnosed with anything really(the first person she saw said BPD right off the start, but she couldn’t afford to stay with her, this psychiatrist hasn’t really said anything other then cyclothymia and only that he said she told him that, and she hasnt said that, and hadnt heard of it til him  ) but her and I have talked about BPD and are pretty positive that’s what she has, and she would/has accepted that if that’s what they end up saying, all she wants to do is figure out how to manage her life without everything spiralling out of control, so it doesn’t matter to her what she has, as long as she can figure out a way to better deal with everything... .   she’s also talked to her therapist(she has gotten the impression that her therapist and her psychiatrist dont see eye to eye) that about it, without a real answer because it has to be a psychiatrist that makes that call... .  

hopefully they will be about to help her in the long hall and right now its just a bit sloppy... .  

[OTH]

What has her therapist suggested? Has she started DBT or Schema therapy? If part of her problem stems from emotional regulation she could really benefit from learning DBT skills. You don't really need a diagnosis for that or to even have BPD to benefit from learning DBT skills.

[qwaszx]

oh, and thank you for the article im getting alot better handle on me and my life once again. sometimes i bounce backwards a bit but not for as long as before maybe just a couple hours, and then make myself step back once again to somewhere better for me... . its not always easy to hold my limits, but im really working on it, for both our sake. i helps neither of us if were both down, or get to emotionally involved and i cant/wont live that way ever again, she'll always have to learn to catch and save herself, and be responsible for what she does and i always knew that, i wont be crippling myself or her for that matter anymore.

im doing/have done a lot of reprogramming with me over the last 5 months... .   as for where i am right now i feel alot better about myself and my life, and where its going and what i want, nothing is holding me back... . im working my way to my future, and holding out my limits with how to keep our friendship healthy.

i still care about her but im never going to go where i once went to try and protect/save her from herself... . and her bad choices. i still have alot to learn and need reminders every now and again... .

[qwaszx]

they do CBT right now, im hoping she can find someone who works more on DBT... .   i think thats what'll help her the most... .   shes just had lots of problems with finding any good help for herself its crazy... .