Feel like I'm bending myself out of shape over this; your thoughts?

[Seraffa]

Ok... .   this is roughly the first week where SET is being used in my conversations with my mother. I just successfully communicated a way in which she could make household repairs without her being given the chance to bemoan things or slip back into black and white thinking.

I do need to get out of the house and into a social scene this weekend as a happy distraction, but can anyone tell me about their own length of time with their own BPD person in which a bit of progress was seen, reinforcing good behavior? Were you SCARED as progress was made? Did it "not" feel like progress at first? When progress arrived, did you find yourself unconsciously trying to hang around and "stay awhile" as if (they) would finally get well again?

It is SO WIERD trying to get my head around the idea that my only job is to keep her calm and voice practical ideas.

PS: what if she feels respected now, and tries to nag about "me not spending enough time with her" or this and that, after she percieves a respect I don't often have for her? What will she "understand"?

Unnnnnghghgh... .   gotta get out of the house!

[Seraffa]

P.S.: I'm not out on my mini-vacation yet, but thought I would mention I just found FREE CAREGIVERS CLASSES near me sponsored by NAMI, when I am ready to take them, which should be an excellent source of networking as well as NAMI nearby support groups here in Houston! An exerpt:

Family-to-Family

The Keys to Understanding

     The NAMI Family-to-Family Education Program is a 12-week (2½ hours per week) course for families of individuals with severe brain disorders (mental illnesses). Trained family members teach it. All course materials are furnished at no cost.

     The curriculum focuses on bipolar disorder (manic depression), clinical depression, schizophrenia, panic disorder, borderline personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).  The course discusses the clinical treatment of these illnesses and teaches the knowledge and skills that family members need to cope more effectively.

The Family-to-Family Course Topics include:

Learning about feelings, learning about facts.

Schizophrenia, mjor depression and mania; diagnosis and dealing with critical periods.

Subtypes of depression and bipolar disorder, panic disorder and OCD; diagnosis and causes; sharing our stories.

The biology of the brain/new research.

Problem solving workshop.

Self-care.

Rehabilitation, services available.

Advocacy; fighting stigma.

Review and certification ceremony

This series of 12 weekly classes is structured to help caregivers understand and support individuals with serious mental illness while maintaining their own well-being. The course is taught by family member volunteers who know what it's like to have a loved one struggling with one of these brain disorders.

Family-to-Family Classes

A class will begin on February 13, 2013.

Classes will meet on Wednesdays from 6:30 PM - 9:00 PM.

The location will be First Unitarian Universalist Church,

Pre-Registration Required

For information and registration, contact Susan Raffle, 713-409-6100

sraffle@att.net 

[Clearmind]

NAMI is great - good for you!

Seraffa I think its pretty common for adult children of Borderlines to question everything we do - we often were second guessed as kids and sometimes if we don't recognize this awareness we carry the same into adulthood.

I do need to get out of the house and into a social scene this weekend as a happy distraction,

Yes you do! You need to begin to look after you too - concentrating so much on Mom will not help you or her.

can anyone tell me about their own length of time with their own BPD person in which a bit of progress was seen, reinforcing good behavior? Were you SCARED as progress was made? Did it "not" feel like progress at first? When progress arrived, did you find yourself unconsciously trying to hang around and "stay awhile" as if (they) would finally get well again?

Not sure I understand what you mean about progress.

Mom won't change Seraffa - we don't use SET or boundaries to change them - SET is for getting our own truth across and boundaries set our limits.

Can you explain what you mean here?

Its common to feel that setting boundaries are risky - we don't trust ourselves - this has more to do with you than Mom.

PS: what if she feels respected now, and tries to nag about "me not spending enough time with her" or this and that, after she percieves a respect I don't often have for her? What will she "understand"?

Can you explain this? Do you mean that she will want to spend more time with you because she respects you more? Sorry I'm confused.