pwBPD shocked me back to reality...

[wanttoknowmore]

Two weeks ago, I was trying to get from her a last 15 minute meeting for getting closure and give her some idea about her BPD and advice to be careful in her future r/s. I had this last urge to give her this last sincere hint as a departing friend. In response to my text came the threat that she will have to get a restraining order as I am harassing her.

Suddenly, I felt like I have been dropped to the floor of reality . In my entire life. no one ever accused me of harassment  and no one ever made a restraing order threat. This opened my eyes and helped me to go strict NC.

Now ,I am NC for last two weeks and feel good. I wonder how this nice, poor little me ,rescue me type person can turn into a dangerous threatening person so quickly. My savior complex got a good beating . It is helping  me to detach from her. The only fear I have is how will I deal with  if she makes a contact at some point later . Why my gut feeling says she will make a contact in the future? The r/s was really good for 2 years until the hater phase arrived 2 months ago.

[daze]

Suddenly, I felt like I have been dropped to the floor of reality

Yes, this is a really scary thing and I understand exactly how you feel.  When my uBPDh threatened me with a restraining order, I literally felt my guts sink and I think my heart skipped a beat. My H didn't do it, but there are plenty of stories on this site about pwBPD who did.

It is helping  me to detach from her. The only fear I have is how will I deal with  if she makes a contact at some point later . Why my gut feeling says she will make a contact in the future? The r/s was really good for 2 years until the hater phase arrived 2 months ago.

Glad to hear you have been feeling better.  Yes, she probably will contact you in the future but it's doubtful she will ever go back to the way it was for the first two years.  I hope you continue to feel better and maintain your resolve when she contact you.

Daze

[AJwhatThe]

wanttoknowmore -    2 weeks ago in a brief telephone conversation, I told mine to look up definitions to Personality Disorders.

Within a couple of hours I received a "Letter of Trespassing" along with a "Cease and Desist" letter telling me to stop defaming her character or she would sue me.

She emailed the police telling them that I was mentally unstable  and she feared for  her safety and the safety of her children.

I hope you have luck with yours.

[BlushAndBashful]

Ah yes, the old RO... .   I, too, have been threatened numerous times with one. And most of the time, it was exactly how others have described it- I was threatened with one not because of over-the-top behavior, not because I was calling 10 times a day, not because I was stalking... .   but solely because something triggered him and he felt threatened. It was usually when he felt backed into a corner or I discovered a new tidbit of his tangled web of lies.  Oftentimes it was just when he kicked me to the curb and didn't want to "deal with" me. "I've been thinking, I don't want to be in a r/s. Leave me alone or I'll call the police".

A threat of a RO was his warning mechanism - like a skunk's white stripe or the rattle on a rattlesnake.

[wanttoknowmore]

Thank you all. It makes me feel better to know that others have also faced R.O. threat from pwBPD.

Its so uncharacteristic  for her to issue R.O. threat to me as she is not the type to make threats easily.

Anyway, its been 2 weeks NC since then and I have heard nothing from anywhere .So, obviously,she didnot follow through with her threat.

By the way, 8 weeks ago, during early dysregulation she made threats of coming to my workplace and kill herself infront of the building to "end all this pain"  She didnot follow through with that threat but it kept me awake many nights in fear. She is high functioning and intelligent and may be she gets moments of clarity even while dysregulated.

[BorderlineMagnet]

Never got the RO threat from my low-fucntiong ex, but I was accused of beating her and forcing her to do meth with the threat of beating her if she didn't (all in my absence and to her parents of course). Yet she made numerous contacts with me after that like nothing has happened. As of just yesterday after skipping out on her 3rd rehab in 6 months, she calls me again. At this point her parents have entirely turned their backs on her, and me too. She had the nerve to say on the call yesterday "You know I'm your only friend, right?" It was amazing to say "No, you're not, I've connected with a bunvh of old friends recently and I'm actually going to a movie with some tonight". She hung up. Liberating.

[trevjim]

i was with my ex and her son who was calling me daddy, we split a and she got a new man the next day, she now wanted him to be his 'daddy'

I went round to have a friendly constructive chat as I still wanted to be a part of the boy i accepted as my son's life, she said if i dont leave them alone she will have to get a restraining order... .  

its crazy, she always moaned that I wasnt passionate enough about her son (I was) and then flips it around that I should leave them alone.

[motherof1yearold]

The harassment threat is so common with pwBPD. I can so relate , and with the sudden dropping. The harassment and R.O threat makes US feel like the crazy ones , and gives them control - which I whole heartedly believe to be the point of that tactic! Along with the punishment that comes along from being denied closure and their lack of accountability.  Certainly do be prepared for her to make contact in the future. I'm sure she will.

my ex BPD H once contacted me aggressively with several texts and when I replied back to ONE- he threatened that if I reply back to him one more time I will be booked for harassment. They will spew on you and the moment you say something back, you are the bad guy. 

[seeking balance]

Being shocked into reality is a very good thing actually.

There is a reason that the professionals warn against telling someone they are BPD - this is a very complex defense mechanism against shame and abandonment... .   the RO is actually not nearly as bad of a threat as it might feel to you considering their disorder.

Listen to what she says and stay away -even if she comes a calling.  You are not qualified for this and you are now a trigger to the maladaptive coping behavior. 

Again, reality is a good thing.  Keep focusing on your life 

Peace,

SB