Should I step in now?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My son's girlfriend has a BPD with Narcissistic, Manipulative tendencies as a diagnosis. She has 6 children, three wiht my son. All have been taken or placed with other family members except for the youngest. He is 2 1/2. She threatened to cut him out of her belly when she was 7 months pregnant with him 3 years ago today. That is when I as well as CPS became involved with her. She has a long history with CPS. Once the baby was born CPS placed him with me when he was 3 weeks old. I had him for 15 months while the case was going on. I did not have an attorney and he was given back to his mother. The little boy and I have a very  close bond. We were all surprised when the judge gave him back to his mother. CPS told me that they will do nothing until there is physical abuse.

So, that being said. Here is what is going on. She has a habit of putting her hands around his neck and "Play" choking him, she acts like she is kneeing him in the stomach and punching him. I have seen her do this myself three different times. Others have witnessed this as well. She says that is how they play. She loves all of the horror shows and murder shows watching them with the little boy in the room. It bothers me when I come to get my grandson and see someone being brutally murdered on her 55 inch TV. I can only imagine how this affects my grandson. She also is into the occult and has pentagram tattoos. My grandson is at my house often. He will stay for several days. Most little ones miss their mother and want to go home. When it is time for him to go back home he says that he doesn't want to go and to help him. Last weekend he woke up with a bad dream. I was holding him and told him he was dreaming but, he was sobbing. He said he needed to go to the doctor because his Mama killed him. it is difficult to bring him home, He pleads with me and says to help him. Of course there is more going on than this. Raging fights between her and my son, she has broken on occasion everything that is glass in the house several times

. I am very afraid for my grandson. The CPS mediator told me that it within a parents rights to "screw up" their children as much as they want. They will not help. If I had the money I would get an attorney. I am afraid for my grandson and don't know what to do. PLease advise me.

[Sarahsaid]

My son's girlfriend has a BPD with Narcissistic, Manipulative tendencies as a diagnosis. She has 6 children, three wiht my son. All have been taken or placed with other family members except for the youngest. He is 2 1/2. She threatened to cut him out of her belly when she was 7 months pregnant with him 3 years ago today. That is when I as well as CPS became involved with her. She has a long history with CPS. Once the baby was born CPS placed him with me when he was 3 weeks old. I had him for 15 months while the case was going on. I did not have an attorney and he was given back to his mother. The little boy and I have a very  close bond. We were all surprised when the judge gave him back to his mother. CPS told me that they will do nothing until there is physical abuse.

So, that being said. Here is what is going on. She has a habit of putting her hands around his neck and "Play" choking him, she acts like she is kneeing him in the stomach and punching him. I have seen her do this myself three different times. Others have witnessed this as well. She says that is how they play. She loves all of the horror shows and murder shows watching them with the little boy in the room. It bothers me when I come to get my grandson and see someone being brutally murdered on her 55 inch TV. I can only imagine how this affects my grandson. She also is into the occult and has pentagram tattoos. My grandson is at my house often. He will stay for several days. Most little ones miss their mother and want to go home. When it is time for him to go back home he says that he doesn't want to go and to help him. Last weekend he woke up with a bad dream. I was holding him and told him he was dreaming but, he was sobbing. He said he needed to go to the doctor because his Mama killed him. it is difficult to bring him home, He pleads with me and says to help him. Of course there is more going on than this. Raging fights between her and my son, she has broken on occasion everything that is glass in the house several times

. I am very afraid for my grandson. The CPS mediator told me that it within a parents rights to "screw up" their children as much as they want. They will not help. If I had the money I would get an attorney. I am afraid for my grandson and don't know what to do. PLease advise me.

[Surnia]

Hi Sarahsaid

and  

What a sad story brought you here, Sarahsaid. Reading your lines makes me shivering. What a hard life for a little boy! And you are suffering with him.  

Great you found us. Reaching out for support is so important. I am unfortunately not so firm with the legal stuff about children and CPS, but others here have more knowledge.


How is your son coping with the whole situation?

Please keep in touch, Sarahsaid

Surnia

[lbjnltx]

Hello Sarahsaid,

So glad that you found this site and so very very sad to hear what your grandson is being exposed to and how fearful he seems.

Might I ask, where is your son?  Does he live w/gson and girlfriend?

What does he say about the situation?


lbjnltx

[OTH]

Hi,



Here is a link to the Supporting a Son or Daughter board. I think this probably fits best.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0

What a difficult situation. I would continue to report her behavior to CPS and and check for signs of physical abuse. What a sad state of things. How is your relationship with her? How is your relationship with your son? Is there a lot of conflict? Is it possible to minimize conflict with her and increase your time with your grandson? There are tools to help here. Communicating with high conflict people is very difficult but not impossible. Maybe some of the articles and suggested reading can help here?

[motherof1yearold]

Hi Sarahsaid.

I'm sure this must be very emotional for you to go through ! Very distressing just reading the story!

Unfortunately the way CPS and child custody cases work, I am not at all surprised to read that the boy was placed back with her. They don't like tearing families apart.

Does she ever e-mail you, or call or text? Does she e-mail you threats about the children? If so, document it. I understand you cannot afford a lawyer but you *MIGHT* (not sure how this works ) be able to force her to have a psychiatric evaluation. 

How is your relationship with the Mother?

Best of luck to you all

[P.F.Change]

Good to keep in touch with CPS.

Have you considered calling around to see if there is an attorney who would take your case pro bono or at a reduced rate? Maybe your local domestic abuse center or Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) would be able to offer a suggestion?

I am sorry you are feeling helpless. It sounds like your grandson is feeling traumatized. I hope you will be able to help him feel safe.

PF