Show me the end.

[nolisan]

I am looking back - she was right.

I'm a fool, worthless, and can never be an adult. She was right to leave.

I thank her for pointing this out. I am and will forever be inferior and unlovable.

Worth more dead than alive ... .   all my will to her. Hope she uses it for therapy - not that it matters.

Not suicidal ... .   just laying down ... . let nature take it course. My final gift to her. It;s what she wants.

Worthless to anything, anybody, a burden to God ... .   just a cosmic mistake ... .   Show me the end.

[HarmKrakow]

I am looking back - she was right.

I'm a fool, worthless, and can never be an adult. She was right to leave.

I thank her for pointing this out. I am and will forever be inferior and unlovable.

Worth more dead than alive ... .   all my will to her. Hope she uses it for therapy - not that it matters.

Not suicidal ... .   just laying down ... . let nature take it course. My final gift to her. It;s what she wants.

Worthless to anything, anybody, a burden to God ... .   just a cosmic mistake ... .   Show me the end.

Mate, you are not going to do anything stupid, go call a friend or some hotline.

Are you in therapy? What does your therapist say? Have you been diagnosed with something?

[really]

Nolisan

You are among friends here and some of us have felt that way - me included.

I have posted similar thoughts myself. 

I am a long way from being healed from the mess she caused to my life but I am finally beyon those thoughts.  They were strong they were frequent and I saw no end to them.

There is a way through this for you.   It might not be an easy road and there may be set backs along the way but there is a way through.   

Please reach out to a friend, keep posting and dig deep.   

I don't belittle how all consuming those thoughts can but they can and will pass

Others on this site were a huge support when I had those thoughts.  I hope we can be for you.

[VeryFree]

Hi Nolisan

We all went and are still going through deep troubles. You're not alone out there, so please use the knowledge and experiences of others to get back on track.

We're here for you!

[Clearmind]

nolisan, grief is a process and we have all felt that overwhelming feeling of helplessness. It does get better - I promise! Depression is part of the detaching process.

Are you able to reach out to a friend and chat? It really helps to have someone to reach out to and talk.

Can you let us know how you are doing?

[jrx]

We're all with you, man. If you need to sleep the day away to take care of yourself, by all means, but come back to us. We're all listening: we know you're worth it.

[nolisan]

I'm OK - a dark night. Thanks for caring

[Surnia]

Hi nolisan

How are you doing?

[nolisan]

Still feel my only purpose is to pass my will onto her - she is superior - i am inferior

[Surnia]

So sorry to hear about this, nolisan.

Sounds like you are very harsh with yourself. Comparing is a very hard road... .    

[VeryFree]

I really think nobody is inferior or superior and nobody should feel this way. We all have our good and bad sites. None of them makes you better or worse than somebody else.

Living in a society means that some behaviours are appreciated/rewarded more than other ones, but on baselevel, that shouldn’t matter how you feel about yourself of about another. It al cultural!

In some societies people are heroes because they kill another, in other societies they face deathpenalty.

Where lies the thruth? It’s in our heads. And our head is filled with ideas from our society, our parents, our education and so on.

We should try to let go of this ideas and get back to the basics: our own feelings, our own needs.

And within that I really think there shouldn’t be feelings of superiority or inferiority. I don’t want to feel superior over my stbxBPDw, because I don’t have a mental illness. I really think you shouldn’t feel inferior because of your circumstances.

Try to go back to the real roots of humankind. Be gentle on yourself!

[tailspin]

nolisan 

I remember giving up on life at one point; I was duped and fooled and believed his phony words.  I submitted to his drama, let him win and admitted defeat. 

You may be in a dark place but you are also in a very important place right now.  Acceptance that you cannot change her is an important part of healing because now you can focus on you.

I hope you can focus on you with all the kindness, love, and gentle compassion you once gave to her. 

tailspin