Having a bad morning

[LosingIt2]

I've mentioned on another thread that I have been NC with my ex for 8 weeks now. I think I'm having mini breakdowns all over the place. This morning, I went to a store to buy a sandwich, and I ended up fainting right at register.

Basically, I feel like I'm falling apart. And it hit me really hard after this weird fainting spell. I don't understand why my exgf is not in my life anymore. I feel like a sad, lonely mess. I wish I could talk to her, but I can't.

[wanttoknowmore]

Make sure you eat several small meals/snacks... .   to keep your blood sugar OK

Also, if these fainting spells continue,please go see your doctor.

[LosingIt2]

thanks wanttoknow. I will try to do that. I don't have any medical problems and I'm 29 and healthy, otherwise. Wish I could just be happy and cope with life better sometimes.

[Suzn]

Hi LosingIt2 

I'm sorry this morning is difficult. Breakups are painful, for anyone. Taking care of you is priority one right now. I agree, if you are having fainting spells do see your doctor. Are you eating, sleeping? Very important to practice the basics.

Having mini breakdowns, crying spells and such are perfectly normal, and a good sign. This means you are feeling those feelings and not avoiding them. Take a look to your right at the five stages of Detachment, it sounds as though you are at Acknowledgment, does this sound accurate to you?

[Somewhere]

You are recovering from an emotional addiction.

You need to treat yourself like an addict.

Not in a bad way -- in a care-taking (of you) way.

Look up H.A.L.T.

an example >>

www.whatwinnersdo.com/halt-relapse-prevention/

[LosingIt2]

suzn,

I've gotten better with eating. Still working on it. Sleep is another story. I do wake up a lot and ruminate. I'm seeing a T and am even on an anti-depressent. I don't believe it's at it's full affect, yet. And yes, I would say I am at the acknowledgment stage. I've never been one to repress my feelings, it's a gift and a curse all at once. The anxiety is the worst. As you can see, I am very conflicted about this loss.

I'm just worried that not functioning very well is going to prevent me from doing what I need to do with work and succeeding. My ex is getting her sh*it done (I think), and I'm a mess. Thanks everyone for your support and advice.

[fromheeltoheal]

It's also important to connect with someone, anyone, about anything.  Spending a lot of time alone with your thoughts this early in your disconnect can be crazy-making.  When none of my friends were available for whatever reason, I used to take my laptop to Starbucks and work there, maybe chat with folks, maybe just be around people, and it helped.

I had trouble sleeping for a while too, and waking up at 3 in the morning and ruminating was the absolute worst.  I learned to get up, read something inspiring, get some work done, come to these boards, whatever, until I got tired again, instead of lying there in the dark letting my mind go to unhealthy places.

It does get better, it takes what it takes, and taking care of yourself well needs to be the priority.

[Suzn]

I've never been one to repress my feelings, it's a gift and a curse all at once. The anxiety is the worst.

This truly is a gift. I understand how you feel about the curse part because hurting hurts. Lean into it, feel it, cry. You will get to the other side if you do and it will help the anxiety ease.

As you can see, I am very conflicted about this loss.

This is perfectly normal, these breakups are akin to a death. It IS a loss. This is what a loss "feels" like. It's easy to say, I know, give yourself the time to feel all these emotions, be kind to you, be understanding of yourself dealing with a loss.

My ex is getting her sh*it done (I think), and I'm a mess.

I don't know your ex of course, however, I would say don't compare yourself to a disordered person. Your ex may very well be more ok than you right now however she is not capable of allowing herself to heal from her past wounds as you are. That is part of the disorder, avoid, avoid, avoid. A pwBPD is more likely a pro at this, you are not, and thank goodness. Allow yourself to be a mess at the moment, it's ok, it's normal.

I like fromheeltoheal's suggestions, your mind does need a break now and then from the ruminations. As normal as they are, making a conscious choice to redirect your thoughts by reading or choosing to make yourself do something that engages your mind elsewhere helps.

It will get better.