First we've heard of physical abuse, take action?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

When checking out at the store, SO's D8 told me that her uBPDmom whipped her with a jump rope and screamed obscenities at her I guess sometime within the past few weeks.

We talked with her in the car on the way home. We stressed (as always) that it is not ok for people to hit other people. We told her if she was getting hurt that she needed to call 911 or tell one of her teachers at school.

This is the first we've heard of physical abuse. So what else can we do? SO doesn't have a CO. Would calling DCF even help, or make him sound vindictive? Of course BM will just lie lie lie and weasel out of it. Also, is D8 dramatizing it a bit? I asked if it left a mark and she said yes, but I didn't see anything on her anymore.

[Thunderstruck]

When checking out at the store, SO's D8 told me that her uBPDmom whipped her with a jump rope and screamed obscenities at her I guess sometime within the past few weeks.

We talked with her in the car on the way home. We stressed (as always) that it is not ok for people to hit other people. We told her if she was getting hurt that she needed to call 911 or tell one of her teachers at school.

This is the first we've heard of physical abuse. So what else can we do? SO doesn't have a CO. Would calling DCF even help, or make him sound vindictive? Of course BM will just lie lie lie and weasel out of it. Also, is D8 dramatizing it a bit? I asked if it left a mark and she said yes, but I didn't see anything on her anymore.

[mamachelle]

Thunderstruck,

I'm sorry this is going on. Since it was weeks ago and dad is involved in custody negotiations... .   I would post on the legal board as well.

If she has a therapist you could run it by them with just a question like:

'you know D8 mentioned a concerning incident with a jump rope with her mom. has she mentioned it?"

Same with school social worker. I would let the pros -- theapist, social worker, lawyer help and handle.

If you feel she is in immediate danger then please talk to these people ASAP.

I'm no expert-- but allegations of abuse have to be handled carefully.

 

mamachelle

[Thunderstruck]

No T, No L (out on medical leave, ugh), no SW. We're kinda hosed here. One of those situations where you're kicking yourself for not having more in place ahead of time.

Good idea, I'll cross post on the legal board. Thanks!

[marbleloser]

My atty told me that if there are no marks,it then becomes he said/she said.This was after one of the kids said they were spanked with an umbrella.I documented it in my journal,but that's all I could do.

And yes,sometimes kids embellish things as well.

[PDrUs]

If you have shared custody, I would get D8 into a therapy situation. Try to get uPD mom on board, but she probably won't like it. Don't let that stop you as the T may become your biggest advocate.

Third party professionals not only help you in court, they are also good with helping you be a better parent and your D8 figure out why her life is what it is.

Don't walk, run there!

[Thunderstruck]

My SO only has her EOW since there is no CO in place (and that's all uBPDx will "allow". So it's a challenge to get her into therapy (we've been discussing this for a bit now). The school tried to get BPDmom to get D8 into counseling due to some behavior problems, but BPDmom never followed through.

We'll try again, maybe start with the school counselor as someone to have "eyes" on her for the two weeks SO doesn't have D8.

[GaGrl]

Why hasn't your SO filed for a court order for custody?

[Thunderstruck]

The request has been filed, they did their financial affidavits and then SO's L went on medical leave. So nothing has been worked out and he doesn't have enough money to retain another L. So he has to wait.

(Neither of us are big fans of his L, it seems like all this $ and time was spent to get nowhere and then poof! the L is gone. But it takes more time to earn more money for a retainer and it's just so frustrating).

[ForeverDad]

SO could report it to the appropriate agency, offer to let them speak with D and ask what to do.  Let them decide whether to do anything.  What that does is it gets it documented, though be aware that children's agencies are often "black boxes" where it is hard to get any information or confirmations out of them later.  If nothing is said now and months from now it is brought up, then SO could be asked why nothing was reported.

Another idea is to bring D to her pediatrician and inform the doctor, leaving it to the doctor to determine what to do.  Even if doc decides to do nothing, it almost surely would get documented in doctor's files.

Yes, it could trigger SO's ex to overreact and become obstinate, even reducing or blocking access to D.  But frankly there are so many things that could trigger the ex.  Just a perspective to ponder.

[Thunderstruck]

Thanks ForeverDad, you always have the best advice.