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Author Topic: Too painful & hard to accept that it is over?  (Read 1199 times)
changingme
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« on: April 25, 2013, 11:39:34 PM »
I found myself struggling with this.  There is something too hard to accept it is over after all the energies that went into this type of relationship, so I tried something new... .  

I wrote a list of 5 conditions that would have to be met by my ex in order for me to ever get back into the relationship.  The conditions are things I know he could never deliver on; however, in writing them & looking at it from this different perspective - It gives me a sense of control to this situation.  It takes the focus off of feeling defeated and provides me with a feeling of empowerment. 

It is also a reminder to myself that I have values and wants that need to be met in order for me to be happy.

It is helping me; maybe it can help some of you 
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Surnia
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« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2013, 02:54:57 AM »
Changingtimes

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

yes, it is indeed a different perspective shifting from "My rs is shattered, I am defeated" to "I have values about a rs"!

It can be good to have this in mind also for a next relationships, when ever you are ready for it. 
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“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”  Brené Brown
laelle
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« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2013, 03:50:29 AM »
 Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Changingtimes
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copingwithhim

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« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2013, 05:47:59 AM »
Good for you changingtimes!

Having values makes us real.

Adhering to them makes us genuine.

CwH
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changingme
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« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2013, 06:58:59 AM »
Exactly!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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babyducks
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« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2013, 07:09:01 AM »
changingtimes,

thank you.  the list of 5 things was/is an eye opener for me.
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hithere
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« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2013, 10:58:07 AM »
Excerpt
It is helping me; maybe it can help some of you

Yes! Do it!

For me I listed the deal-breakers that made it impossible to continue the relationship.  Anytime I was caught up in remembering the fantasy of what I thought we could be I would read them and come right back to reality!
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MaybeSo
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« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2013, 10:00:18 PM »
Yes, good for you. This gets you in touch with your own values, this gets you in touch with your true self.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post). So important and grounding. Your relationship with yourself will reflect the relationship you have with loved ones, and you are attending to that!
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huhhuh
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« Reply #8 on: April 30, 2013, 03:19:13 AM »
It sounds like a good advise.

I am struggling with the same. I have a hard time accepting the lost. So I want to try what you write. Maybe it will help.

Thanks
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