IF BPD comes back can you just befreinds with them?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've read some stuff online written by apparently recovered or mostly-recovered pwBPD, and they do talk about this sort of stuff: if people from their past could potentially re-enter their lives for a normal/healthy relationship of any kind (friends, romantic, etc.).


"Oddly" enough, those recovered/recovering pwBPD say *NO!* in most cases of past people.

Sure, there are certain situations where they can. But both parties have to realize that both themselves & each other aren't the same people as they once were. A lot of other variables, as well, which I don't recall at the moment.


Bottom line: Probably not a good idea. You don't want to put yourself thru this -- or worse -- again.

[delgato]

I've read some stuff online written by apparently recovered or mostly-recovered pwBPD, and they do talk about this sort of stuff: if people from their past could potentially re-enter their lives for a normal/healthy relationship of any kind (friends, romantic, etc.).


"Oddly" enough, those recovered/recovering pwBPD say *NO!* in most cases of past people.

Sure, there are certain situations where they can. But both parties have to realize that both themselves & each other aren't the same people as they once were. A lot of other variables, as well, which I don't recall at the moment.


Bottom line: Probably not a good idea. You don't want to put yourself thru this -- or worse -- again.

[turtle]

Another component of this thing is that our being "friends" with a pwBPD oftentimes isn't the best thing for THEM!  This isn't just about doing the best thing for ourselves... .  it's also about doing the best thing for THEM!

turtle

[causticdork]

I've been trying to be friends with mine.  It's been a chaotic nightmare.  I think that maybe if she got therapy and worked on what was wrong we could maybe be friends in the future, but I just don't see it happening the way things are right now.  She really didn't have any friends coming into the relationship.  She just latched on to all of my friends.  I have to believe that her ability to be a good friend is fairly limited based on that fact alone.  As "just friends" she's done nothing but repeatedly push the boundaries I clearly laid out, and then rage at me when I pushed back. 

As several people before have stated, people with BPD do not have boundaries.  They do not respect your needs or listen to your side.  None of the qualities I would look for in a friend are present in my ex.  I don't know why I've been trying so hard to make her into a friend.

[seeking balance]

At the end of the day, if you want to be friends - you will need to go to the staying board and USE the tools there.  Be willing to have and enforce your boundaries, don't take the actions personally, communicate with appropriate tools, SET & DEARMAN and realize you are making a choice to be friends with a mentally ill person and take the responsibility of NOT abandoning them every time your feelings get hurt.

Now, after years have gone by and you are both in other lives, I am sure it is reasonable to run into that person and catch up friendly conversation - but being what I would consider a friend, come on now - this is a mental illness that shows itself in an intimate relationship.

Trying to be friends with a pwBPD after an intimate relationship is like trying to walk a tightrope in a hurricane - you can try, might succeed for a bit, eventually one of the gusts is gonna knock you on your butt though.

[Buttercup555]

Nope. I had one text conversation after 12 months NC recently. It was oo maybe 10 minutes until he called me evil... .  

[Bananas]

I don't see how.  I am having an awful time just trying to maintain a professional relationship with my exBPDbf since we work together.  I can't even imagine what it would be like trying to navigate a friendship.  We are both high rank with at lonnng time until retirement, I don't see either of us going anywhere else to work.  so unfortunately this is something that I am going to have to deal with for a long time.  unless, of course, i win the lotto.   

[turtle]

so unfortunately this is something that I am going to have to deal with for a long time.  unless, of course, i win the lotto.   

oh... .  one can only hope!

turtle