my BPDbf has done both.
and, i relate. he is talking about leaving for a "month," "a few months" "starting over somewhere else" (all in a different state for a temporary possibly unstable job)--he does try to avoid a lot, and it seems like he typically wants more space, and tries to push me away, but then he doesn't want me to be too far away, and will cling to me, cuddle, not want me to go... . it's that balance between them feeling smothered or abandoned (at least for him). it's hard to know what the right balance is.
my bf has taken 3 months apart, but he has not dated anyone else, and he always comes back.
sorry you are going through this.
You just described my situation. She wants to know where I am, not too far away but not too close. The isolation coupled with push pull is a contact struggle. Double standard too... .
She told me yesterday that i should be free to go out with other friends... . I know the minute I do that she will rage. But i am planning to go out with a friend anyway... . I have to do this for me.