Mother's Day Poem

[twojaybirds]

I have been writing a series of poems as my cathartic memoir to raising a d with BPD.  The poems all follow the same general format.

1.The poem I wrote in it entirety

2.The poem then rewritten in conversation or interaction with direct quotes from texts and fb posts of my dd.  Her stuff is all in italics.

Here is my poem for Mother's Day.  OOPs the italics line should all be at the same indent and are till I publish it here.  I keep playing with perfection  but technology is not cooperating.   Pretend those indents are all lined up please thanks.



Sipping Champagne on the Second Sunday in May

Glass

messages circle

intangible 

spaces

too deep

to name.

              my mom makes me want to punch walls. 

Glass

              hello

             mommy

             never mind

messages circle

              All I wanted was my mom back. I never thought it would be so much to ask

              nice seeing you

              leave me alone

              I love you

              I'm done

             I just want to see you

intangible

               thanks for doing that email mom!

             forget it mom! you never listen or understand. bye.

spaces

              I love you

too deep

             I'm done

            I'm busy

to name.

           I miss you

          I said don't text me

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

only a BPD mum could understand eh?

so sad  :'(

I don't think of mother's day for me.

Vivek    

[Zkarma]

Thank you for sharing.  Your words describe a day in my life with my BPD daughter so perfectly. No one seems to understand what it's like to be in this exhaustive, abusive and life consuming position with absolutely no control or ability to change it. Please do something special for yourself on Mother's Day, I am sure you deserve it. 

Kathy

[pessim-optimist]

Thank you for sharing twojay!

It is beautiful. And so true. It feels like two ships passing at night, doesn't it?

My husband started a wonderful tradition for the two of us: HE wishes me good Mother's Day and does something special for me. So I in turn wish him a good Father's Day and we again do something special. We both know all the grief and effort and love it takes to be a parent, or step-parent of a pwBPD.

It always feels good to feel special. You guys all deserve a double portion of the appreciation that is most the time not coming forth from our kids... .  

And Welcome, Zkarma!

Hope to read more of your story here on the board!

[mamachelle]

twojaybirds.

You've taken something out of the darkness, made it visible and quite hauntingly beautiful... .  wow wow wow ... .  

  mamachelle

[jellibeans]

Thanks for sharing... .  quite the insight into this disorder... .  one minute they love you and the next it is hate... .  

[nickyg]

Two Jays expresesses the mother daughter (with BPD) relationship in a nutshell I think.  Very beautifully articulated.

It's nice to know we can really 'get' one another on this website.

[qcarolr]

twojaybirds - this is so close to my heart tonight as my DD26 struggles in her love/hate relationship with me. She asks to be rescued from her pit of distress as she threatens to hurt me - as she pushes me aside - as she draws me near again. We sometimes live in such a hazy place of grief. But I cherish the little 'luv you guys' mixed in occasionally.

Thanks so much.

qcr