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VIDEO: Could it be Borderline Personality Disorder? 17 million people in the US are affected by Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD traits. People suffering with traits of this disorder often have a lifetime of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" relationships. This is a disorder of extreme fear of rejection and limited executive function.
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Author Topic: exBPDgf kept a picture of us up on her Facebook, why?  (Read 3491 times)
Hard Times

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« on: May 03, 2013, 06:17:46 AM »

My exBPDgf was quick to change her facebook relationship status and remove all profile pictures of us together when she broke-up with me.  She however left one profile picture of us kissing.  This wasn't something she overlooked, as she's meticulous when it comes to her FB.  Even a month and a half later, the pictured remained.  She hated me, so why leave any reminder?  What could have possibly been the reason she left it?
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Rocknut
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« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2013, 06:56:36 AM »

My ex boyfriend with BPD still has our christmas picture together hanging on his mirror in his bedroom. He looks at it everyday. He still has all my love letters, cards, neatly organized. Who knows what they're thinking?
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wanttoknowmore
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« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2013, 08:59:04 AM »

This is puzzling to me too. pwBPD still has pictures of our trip overseas as her cover page on FB.

Break up was 8 weeks ago and she never changed those pictures. Strange.

Recently, the only change she made is that she probably blocked me from her timeline for posts after March31. (I cannot see new feeds) I can see everything from before March31.

She is still allowing access to her FB but only until March31,2013. What does this mean?
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Hard Times

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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2013, 03:59:08 AM »

Any more insight?  This has been confusing me for months.
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laelle
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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2013, 04:27:35 AM »

My exBPDgf was quick to change her facebook relationship status and remove all profile pictures of us together when she broke-up with me.  She however left one profile picture of us kissing.  This wasn't something she overlooked, as she's meticulous when it comes to her FB.  Even a month and a half later, the pictured remained.  She hated me, so why leave any reminder?  What could have possibly been the reason she left it?

The best answer I can give is truly my own "guess".  I know when my ex and I broke up I kept the pictures of him in my cellphone.  I did it for desensitizing my emotional response to seeing him.  Just a guess.

Someone with BPD is ill, not heartless.  They suffer during a break up too.  Just not in plain view and not the way we experience it.

Even tho im not with my ex, I still have good memories and pictures and stuff from those good memories.
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delgato
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« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2013, 04:06:21 PM »

Any more insight?  This has been confusing me for months.

Could be for any number of reasons, or a combination thereof.


Trying to think logically about illogical things isn't worth it, IMO. Only gonna frustrate yourself, and never come to any true conclusions.


Why do you feel a need to visit her Facebook?
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"Sadly, guys who fight over a woman like this, are fighting to 'win' their own destruction." - Dr. T
SaintofCircumstance

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« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2013, 04:11:49 PM »

HardTimes,

I also went through this same thing. My ex kept up pictures I took on our trip out west up as her cover photo and also as her profile pic. Both pics...   I took. Very strange if you ask me. As soon as we broke up she took off the privacy controls from her instagram account and I tortured myself for months...   still do :/ by looking at the progression. At first she had all of our pics up, then she took them off and started posting pics of her brand new "best friend" who she met a month prior. Trying to understand if futile man...  

Hope you feel better,

SaintofCircumstance
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fromheeltoheal
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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2013, 04:28:12 PM »

Probably a combination of things:

My BPD ex really enjoyed the beginning of our r/s, and it wasn't until later that her traits got triggered and it got ugly.  They live inside the disorder, and will never have the clarity we do once we're out, so it's natural for them to want to keep a 'friendship' without the 'romance', because to them that's when it was good; keep the good, lose the bad.

Another thing is triangulation (read definition).  She will probably show that pic to the new victim, or let him find it himself, to put him on edge and in competition with you, so she's in control right off the bat.  They don't do that to be malicious, they do it because being in control is the only way they can feel safe.

Going to Facebook now for you is like a crack addict going back to the pipe.  There's a strong draw to see what's going on with her, but to save yourself you must do everything possible to not go there, so you can focus on you and your healing.  It wasn't until maybe 4 months of no contact and no Facebook that the damage she had done really became apparent to me, and if I hadn't stopped going there, I may still be enmeshed today.   Take care of you, regardless.
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And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make
SaintofCircumstance

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« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2013, 12:34:08 PM »

Towards the end of our relationship we split, then I took her back after a month or so. When we started hanging again I swung by her house and she knew I was coming. On her desk she left a picture of the ex she cheated on me with...   Just fell out of a book whe said...   that was my weakness and she exploited it by lying, testing me and god knows what else I never found out about . Christ, she couldn't even keep the kids number blocked for more than a few weeks. Sad really. Especially after everything we went through together.
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SaintofCircumstance

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« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2013, 12:36:13 PM »

Towards the end of our relationship we split, then I took her back after a month or so. When we started hanging again I swung by her house and she knew I was coming. On her desk she left a picture of the ex she cheated on me with...   Just fell out of a book whe said...   that was my weakness and she exploited it by lying, testing me and god knows what else I never found out about . Christ, she couldn't even keep the kids number blocked for more than a few weeks. Sad really. Especially after everything we went through together.
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bb12
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« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2013, 06:30:43 PM »

I think this feature (retaining photos etc.) is a sign of the Object Constancy at the heart of the illness.

My ex asked for all of the photos from my birthday party just before he went silent. I sent him about 60 pics of and my friends. Some of them with him and me having a fun time.

And with my replacement, he kept the photo of the two of them as his profile pic on FB long after it ended

I think they 'collect' us as proof of love...   that they are capable of being loved...   to call upon when they are in their darkest moments.

BB12
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All members still incontact with their partner should learn to use the basic relationship tools to better manage the day to day interactions.
If you are evaluating a decision to stay or leave, please post on Conflicted and Deciding
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