Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
November 22, 2017, 05:43:52 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Borderline personality disorder: statistics Read here
Administrator: heartandwhole
Moderators: Meili, once removed
Member support team: DaddyBear77, Flourdust, Tattered Heart, Turkish, wendydarling, Woolspinner2000
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
What is the biology of the break-up... The intensity of the pain may be what compels some spurned lovers to do just about anything to make the hurt go away -- and that includes a host of unhealthy things ranging from demonizing their ex-partner, to excessive anger, to bashing whole groups of people.
124
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: exBPDgf kept a picture of us up on her Facebook, why?  (Read 2836 times)
Hard Times


Offline Offline

Posts: 15


« on: May 03, 2013, 06:17:46 AM »

My exBPDgf was quick to change her facebook relationship status and remove all profile pictures of us together when she broke-up with me.  She however left one profile picture of us kissing.  This wasn't something she overlooked, as she's meticulous when it comes to her FB.  Even a month and a half later, the pictured remained.  She hated me, so why leave any reminder?  What could have possibly been the reason she left it?
Logged
ARE YOU ON THE RIGHT BOARD?
All members still incontact with their partner should learn to use the basic relationship tools to better manage the day to day interactions.
If you are evaluating a decision to stay or leave, please post on Conflicted and Deciding
Rocknut
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 98


« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2013, 06:56:36 AM »

My ex boyfriend with BPD still has our christmas picture together hanging on his mirror in his bedroom. He looks at it everyday. He still has all my love letters, cards, neatly organized. Who knows what they're thinking?
Logged
wanttoknowmore
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 360


« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2013, 08:59:04 AM »

This is puzzling to me too. pwBPD still has pictures of our trip overseas as her cover page on FB.

Break up was 8 weeks ago and she never changed those pictures. Strange.

Recently, the only change she made is that she probably blocked me from her timeline for posts after March31. (I cannot see new feeds) I can see everything from before March31.

She is still allowing access to her FB but only until March31,2013. What does this mean?
Logged
Hard Times


Offline Offline

Posts: 15


« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2013, 03:59:08 AM »

Any more insight?  This has been confusing me for months.
Logged
laelle
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1737


« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2013, 04:27:35 AM »

My exBPDgf was quick to change her facebook relationship status and remove all profile pictures of us together when she broke-up with me.  She however left one profile picture of us kissing.  This wasn't something she overlooked, as she's meticulous when it comes to her FB.  Even a month and a half later, the pictured remained.  She hated me, so why leave any reminder?  What could have possibly been the reason she left it?

The best answer I can give is truly my own "guess".  I know when my ex and I broke up I kept the pictures of him in my cellphone.  I did it for desensitizing my emotional response to seeing him.  Just a guess.

Someone with BPD is ill, not heartless.  They suffer during a break up too.  Just not in plain view and not the way we experience it.

Even tho im not with my ex, I still have good memories and pictures and stuff from those good memories.
Logged


delgato
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 81


« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2013, 04:06:21 PM »

Any more insight?  This has been confusing me for months.

Could be for any number of reasons, or a combination thereof.


Trying to think logically about illogical things isn't worth it, IMO. Only gonna frustrate yourself, and never come to any true conclusions.


Why do you feel a need to visit her Facebook?
Logged

"Sadly, guys who fight over a woman like this, are fighting to 'win' their own destruction." - Dr. T
SaintofCircumstance


Offline Offline

Posts: 11


« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2013, 04:11:49 PM »

HardTimes,

I also went through this same thing. My ex kept up pictures I took on our trip out west up as her cover photo and also as her profile pic. Both pics...   I took. Very strange if you ask me. As soon as we broke up she took off the privacy controls from her instagram account and I tortured myself for months...   still do :/ by looking at the progression. At first she had all of our pics up, then she took them off and started posting pics of her brand new "best friend" who she met a month prior. Trying to understand if futile man...  

Hope you feel better,

SaintofCircumstance
Logged
fromheeltoheal
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5643


« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2013, 04:28:12 PM »

Probably a combination of things:

My BPD ex really enjoyed the beginning of our r/s, and it wasn't until later that her traits got triggered and it got ugly.  They live inside the disorder, and will never have the clarity we do once we're out, so it's natural for them to want to keep a 'friendship' without the 'romance', because to them that's when it was good; keep the good, lose the bad.

Another thing is triangulation (read definition).  She will probably show that pic to the new victim, or let him find it himself, to put him on edge and in competition with you, so she's in control right off the bat.  They don't do that to be malicious, they do it because being in control is the only way they can feel safe.

Going to Facebook now for you is like a crack addict going back to the pipe.  There's a strong draw to see what's going on with her, but to save yourself you must do everything possible to not go there, so you can focus on you and your healing.  It wasn't until maybe 4 months of no contact and no Facebook that the damage she had done really became apparent to me, and if I hadn't stopped going there, I may still be enmeshed today.   Take care of you, regardless.
Logged

And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make
SaintofCircumstance


Offline Offline

Posts: 11


« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2013, 12:34:08 PM »

Towards the end of our relationship we split, then I took her back after a month or so. When we started hanging again I swung by her house and she knew I was coming. On her desk she left a picture of the ex she cheated on me with...   Just fell out of a book whe said...   that was my weakness and she exploited it by lying, testing me and god knows what else I never found out about . Christ, she couldn't even keep the kids number blocked for more than a few weeks. Sad really. Especially after everything we went through together.
Logged
SaintofCircumstance


Offline Offline

Posts: 11


« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2013, 12:36:13 PM »

Towards the end of our relationship we split, then I took her back after a month or so. When we started hanging again I swung by her house and she knew I was coming. On her desk she left a picture of the ex she cheated on me with...   Just fell out of a book whe said...   that was my weakness and she exploited it by lying, testing me and god knows what else I never found out about . Christ, she couldn't even keep the kids number blocked for more than a few weeks. Sad really. Especially after everything we went through together.
Logged

2018 Financial Sponsors - Thank you all!
Thank you. We are all appreciative of the thoughtful and responsible men and women who provide the support, education, brotherhood, and funding to keep BPDFamily on the air and make a difference in the lives and families of many. To you all, thank you for this wonderful resource.
12years
AskingWhy
At_Bay
braveSun
Butch13
Cat Familiar
Change2014
Chosen
chump
Coffee BE Twin
confusedbloke
coworkerfriend
DearHusband
Dkandyk
drained1996
earlyL
EmpatheticWife2B
empathic
Faith2014
Fie
flourdust
freespirit
Gagrl
gloveman
Gorges
gotbushels
Harley Quinn
Harri
imprisoned
incadove
IsThisThingOn
Japeslee
joeramabeme
jones54
Kailin
KarenDH
lera
LittleBlueTruck
Meili
mother of son
Mutt
Narkiss
NotOverHer
Ox
P.F.Change
Panda39
patientandclear
Randi Kreger
RecoveringDee
Reforming
Roma
SamwizeGamgee
Scarlet Phoenix
seahorse
SES
Skip
Sluggo
stayingpositive
Stripey77
Sutherland
sweetheart
Tarquin42
Turkish
Twiggy1971
vanx
wendydarling
Wentworth
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife

Pay it forward Here

Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  



Just been thrown from the roller coaster? Stepping off? Are you emotionally raw? Is your self-esteem crashing? Work with us to get to steady ground.

Welcome
What is BPD?
Should I post on this board?

Articles
Clinical Information
Self-help Material


The Lessons
1. Healing - the big picture
2. Understand your situation


The five stages of Detachment

1 Acknowledgment- we begin by acknowledging and working with our feelings.

2 Self-Inquiry- we then probe the feelings - it's important to find a way to explore your feelings that allows you both to be present with them and to stand a little aside from them.

3 Processing- become aware of what has been useful in the journey you've just taken, regardless of how it all turned out.

4 Creative Action- start something new with real enthusiasm for the doing of it, rather than out of the need to prove something.

5 Freedom - the stage when thinking about your loss (or the thing you desire) doesn't interfere with your normal feelings of well-being.


Workshops
Participate Here

Frequently asked questions
... about BPD.
... about using the board.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2017, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!