One liners from your exBPD that blew your mind.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Without any intention of being critical here, I do have to wonder - is there any particularly healthy benefit to subjects like this? What I mean is, ex-bashing seems to me more in the direction of ruminating as opposed to detaching. I do, however, understand it (and have done plenty of it myself), but I'm also to the point of indifference enough that rear-view minutia serves less and less purpose in moving forward.

At first I thought the same thing but it is very helpful to almost reaffirm the literally insanity that we have been exposed to. My ex delivered the two 'one liners' that I posted above in silky smooth calm cool tones. Almost zero emotion and so completely detached.

I needed to not only remind myself of the mental illness I was exposed to but in hearing other oddly similar stories.

This thread isn't for me about 'bashing'. It's about understanding it wasn't just me and what it sounds like to read other members reactions.

[Hurt llama]

Without any intention of being critical here, I do have to wonder - is there any particularly healthy benefit to subjects like this? What I mean is, ex-bashing seems to me more in the direction of ruminating as opposed to detaching. I do, however, understand it (and have done plenty of it myself), but I'm also to the point of indifference enough that rear-view minutia serves less and less purpose in moving forward.

At first I thought the same thing but it is very helpful to almost reaffirm the literally insanity that we have been exposed to. My ex delivered the two 'one liners' that I posted above in silky smooth calm cool tones. Almost zero emotion and so completely detached.

I needed to not only remind myself of the mental illness I was exposed to but in hearing other oddly similar stories.

This thread isn't for me about 'bashing'. It's about understanding it wasn't just me and what it sounds like to read other members reactions.

[Numbers]

There are many I could write for purpose of ex-bashing, but these I am trying to detach from.

Instead:

In full distress, choking in tears: "I cannot be without you. I do not know why it is so and it's killing me."

That one tore my heart out.

[delgato]

Without any intention of being critical here, I do have to wonder - is there any particularly healthy benefit to subjects like this? What I mean is, ex-bashing seems to me more in the direction of ruminating as opposed to detaching. I do, however, understand it (and have done plenty of it myself), but I'm also to the point of indifference enough that rear-view minutia serves less and less purpose in moving forward.

Agreed, mostly.

Though perhaps it's also a way of recognizing some red flags, should we happen to run into something similar in future dating endeavors?


The thread's 2nd post by Want2know, asking the question does it still bother you, is a good one.

Personally, there a still a few things said by exBPD that are bothersome to me, as she knew how to push buttons. However, there are also many others that just make me laugh at the absurdity of them -- especially knowing what I know these days about BPD.

It does get easier over time (albeit not in a straight line).

[GreenMango]

It's good to ask ourselves why we stayed in light of these things.

Some of them written would normally be considered relationship killers.

It was a profound lesson for me on boundaries and expectations.

[Hurt llama]

I'd be curious of some of these (insane and that's not judging) comments were delivered in similar 'tone' to my exBPD fiancee/gf?

As I posted, she had a very calm clear voice that rarely was 'intense' in tone which made her CrazyGram(tm) one liners to just sound so 'normal'. That added to making it even harder to interpret what she was saying or why.

Took awhile to realize they didn't need to be 're interpreted' as the messages were as clear as they were delivered.

Chilling.

[GreenMango]

When someone lacks congruency between their words and actions - like tone vs content or I love you but I treat you like crap -  that's the moment to reassess things.

Seriously reassess things.  If you didn't or couldn't get an acceptable explanation at best you are dealing with an emotionally immature person not ready for a mature relationship ... .  At worst, well read around at some of the real deal dysfunctional dynamics that can unroll with a person who has BPD.

It's a good lesson on how do things differently next time, what mistakes not to make twice, etc.

[delgato]

It's good to ask ourselves why we stayed in light of these things.

Some of them written would normally be considered relationship killers.

It was a profound lesson for me on boundaries and expectations.

I think part of it might be that we're so "thrown off" by such comments/statements, that we're not really sure how to process. I know this happened to me a number of times.

Perhaps try to justify thru our rose-colored glasses? Give people the benefit of the doubt? Try to understand from their point-of-view why somebody would say that?


To be fair to ourselves, I think pwBPD can certainly have a way with words, and at least on the surface can "explain away" certain things, attempting to make it look as if we misinterpreted or something.

[Wooddragon]

Very early in the relationship showing me the scar down the middle of his chest where he had broken ribs "a woman once told me that that's where they cut out my heart"

"All my life women have been imposing themselves on me"

"I know what you're thinking - you think I want to [have sex with] other women"

"It's not true that past behaviour indicates likely future behaviour - they proved on mythbusters that you can teach an old dog new tricks!"

As a mental health initiative here they had an "are you ok day" where you check in with friends. A friend of him texted him " are you ok" & he had a paranoid meltdown about why she would be asking that. I had visions of all the paranoics & psychos around the place getting triggered by these texts out of the blue. Mental health initiative fail!

[Mark2430]

Ahhh I almost forgot the best one... .  Friday Night "you are the best boyfriend I have ever had you are so thoughtful and sweet".   Saturday " I went out to lunch with my ex-husband and we went to look at wedding rings".  LMAO!

[Hurt llama]

When someone lacks congruency between their words and actions - like tone vs content or I love you but I treat you like crap -  that's the moment to reassess things.

Seriously reassess things.  If you didn't or couldn't get an acceptable explanation at best you are dealing with an emotionally immature person not ready for a mature relationship ... .  At worst, well read around at some of the real deal dysfunctional dynamics that can unroll with a person who has BPD.

It's a good lesson on how do things differently next time, what mistakes not to make twice, etc.

Perfectly stated. This will never happen to me again. I don't say that being cocky. I just am zoned in and knew it was bizarre at the time. I got sucked in deep for the usual complex and yet simple dynamics.

Forewarned is forearmed.

[BorderlineMagnet]

One from each ex pwBPDgf. The rager: "You know I'm your only friend, right?" and my response was "Funny, I'm going out to a movie with friends tonight. Guess you're not."

The cheater: After me finding out about her secret new BF on Facebook: "Why can't you just be happy for me?" Me: "Because you cheated and lied to me, that's why."

[MontyD]

Here is a couple of one liners I got dished out to me.

These when she was pushing me away:  

"If I were you I'd just walk away".  

"I can't be with you any more"

"I don't love you anymore".

And this one, in the middle of heated foreplay: "I can't do this any more, you'll have to go".  

These when she was pulling me back:

"I miss u so much. I realise now the pain involved in not being with u isnt worth it. Can i see u?"

"I love you and miss you so much it hurts"

"I love you so much, I'm not giving up on us"

I've heard all the above so many times, you start to wonder if they mean it.

Monty

[cska]

I've heard all the above so many times, you start to wonder if they mean it.

I think they do mean it, but the have no consistency. So they can "change their minds" in minutes. But I do think that they mean it when they say it... .

[Wooddragon]

As a mental health initiative here they had an "are you ok day" where you check in with friends. A friend of him texted him " are you ok" & he had a paranoid meltdown about why she would be asking that. I had visions of all the paranoics & psychos around the place getting triggered by these texts out of the blue. Mental health initiative fail!

Hahahahahahaha! So funny! Unless you are around when it happens I guess, but !

It was actually funny in real time & the fact that he couldn't see the joke made it more so. I think I must have been in the early stages of detachment by then!

[cal644]

Umm here's a few.

You know I would sell my body for you (she denies she said this)

I don't even feel love for the girls at times (denied again)

My biggest regret is you married me becuase I am just a shell of a person (can't deny - saved text)

I wish I could just melt in the ground and disappear

All of our good friends that I should reach out to are in a fog and I can't reach out to them

I never lied to you once (lamo - lie after lie after lie) until she would get caught - and then she would still lie.

I am a shell of a person

[Blessed0329]

Before my ex left the place where we worked together, he was trying to tell me he has BPD. (I already knew before he told me.) He was talking about his chaotic, violent, and unnurturing childhood, and how he has a disconnect with people at times as a result. I said, "I know what this is called." in total seriousness he said, ":)on't say psychopath." That made me pause, and I realized he has been called a psychopath before.

[me757]

A day after my grandmother died my ex called me up drunk (at 8pm) and said "You have competition... .  " and then said "we wouldn't make it a week apart during xmas break", which was a month away. She said "others seemed to want her more... . " I was then like "if we cant make it a week apart, we're done."

she of course freaked out when i didnt let us recycle 2 days later and since then still gets upset at me cus i "didnt fight for her"... .

yikes... .

[KellyO]

I definitely have said pretty nasty things myself during my rs with ex-bf, but these were things he said in the beginning of our relationship, and I overlooked them all.... . or at least tried to:

- "I don't have decided yet if you are smart or stupid, but you must be quite stupid to be with me" (this was in the first two weeks)

- "first 3 years gave me a lot, but after that it was nothing" (about his 6 years realtionship wiht ex gf)

- "When I'm with people I'm a mirror"

- "when people give something, they just think what they can get back, so there is no need to give them anything, everybody is selfish"

- "Now when you have given me a computer, I could as well dump you" (I gave my old pc to him).

- "I have no idea what I see in you".

- "We have a love-hate relationship, you hate me and I love you" (really, it felt like vice-versa to me... .  )

- ":)on't you understand how it feels for me if  you are afraid of me, I have to leave you right now!" (and he did, we were just going to leave for a holiday and it made him flip out totally and he started to threaten me and I was so damn sceared).

- "It gives me anxiety when you demand sex"

- "It gives me anxiety when you don't demand sex, I don't feel myself wanted" (this was really hilarious and mind-blowing, do this do that, it is never right).

- "I made those dating profiles to show myself how much I love you" (... .  )

- "I know I have hurt you, but it was my path and I had to follow it" (God I hate that drama-nonsense he pulls out from his sleeves when  I catched him from lies)


This is what he said last time I met him, and it really really made me see the light... .  I will never ever touch that man again:

- "I tought you were nice person when we met, to my disappointment you were not nice at all".

I just said: "well, I never  thought you were nice person, not even in the beginning". That was end of that conversation. I had bend myself backwards, I had worked like maniac to make our rs to work, make him be happy and for what? Nothing. I had been right in my heart from the beginning when I said to him I have a feeling he did not like me as a person, if he finds so much wrong in me it would be better to leave me. This ended in raging and blaming and whatnots. When after 2, 5 years he finally told me what he really thought of me, it was a relief. I was finally over.

His last message to me was " I don't blame you for anything", by now I know that is BS, he blaims me for everything that happened. I have witnessed how his memory wipes out all the things he does and says, and only thing he remembers is how happy he has been in our rs and how I lied to him about me being happy too. I have destroyed his relationship!

Why I fell love with him? He was just like my mother.

[VeryFree]

While we were negotiating money during divorce process: "Yes, that is correct... .  I do believe that my 401K should be left in my name and his 401K be split 50/50. My money should be mine and his money is ours to split."

Beautiful quote: it's exactly the same which my stbxw used (different amounts)!

She followed with: "those are my rights"!

[VeryFree]

My no. 4. Background: when we first met her life was falling apart. Burn-out, family-issues, lot of sadness.

After ten years together:

"I wish I never met you, I had a beautiful life before you came around. You have ruined my wonderful existence."

[GreenMango]

I know that this stuff didn't all of a sudden just pop up one day... .  it was a slow acceleration that when it picked up speed next thing I knew it was like being on a runaway train with no brakes.  The flood gates had opened and closing them off was next to impossible - Cross that intimacy threshold and this kind of stuff eventually gets triggered.

A day after my grandmother died my ex called me up drunk (at 8pm) and said "You have competition... .  " and then said "we wouldn't make it a week apart during xmas break", which was a month away. She said "others seemed to want her more... . " I was then like "if we cant make it a week apart, we're done."

she of course freaked out when i didnt let us recycle 2 days later and since then still gets upset at me cus i "didnt fight for her"... .

yikes... .

Lack of empathy - plain and simple.  Out of insecurity but that's beside the point.

Pretty scary right when we realize someone we thought we knew doesn't really have the requisite level of empathy. 

I've heard all the above so many times, you start to wonder if they mean it.

I think they do mean it, but the have no consistency. So they can "change their minds" in minutes. But I do think that they mean it when they say it... .

How beautiful is consistency to you now?   It's a wonderful and precious thing to me - hard not to appreciate when you've had the opposite.

Before my ex left the place where we worked together, he was trying to tell me he has BPD. (I already knew before he told me.) He was talking about his chaotic, violent, and unnurturing childhood, and how he has a disconnect with people at times as a result. I said, "I know what this is called." in total seriousness he said, ":)on't say psychopath." That made me pause, and I realized he has been called a psychopath before.

Frightening - Imagine a life with someone who has the features and characteristics of anti-social behavior.  What a blessing he outed himself.



I pay attention to this kind of stuff nowadays... .  it's so telling.  Especially when it's a pattern.  It's not a one off thing. 

One of the 10 beliefs that can keep you stuck is #2 Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel

If you believe that your BPD partner was experiencing the relationship in the same way that you were or that they are feeling the same way you do right now, don’t count on it. This will only serve to confuse you and make it harder to understand what is really happening. Read more

This goes beyond feeling... .  BPD is affects thinking, feelings and actions.  Unfortunately the disorder, and those funky things we heard if part of the disorder, give you a glimpse into the alternative way this person interprets, feels, and operates in the world.  It's a disorder noted for the unstable interpersonal relationships - you got a first hand taste of that instability. 

The best thing each person could do for themselves after this is take a long hard look inward so it doesn't happen again.  Look at those compromises that were made, where the missteps happened.  Become a better guardian of your stability, your emotional health and happiness. 

[ScotisGone74]

As I'm standing outside the door talking to her I ask her about a 'intimate relationship' she posted on her FB page someone told me about.  When I asked her she said "So What, big deal".  Then as I'm about to leave, while of course this other guy is in her house she said crying to me " I just want my Best friend back" and gave me a hug and asked me to hold her-sheeeshhh. 

after seeing me for two years she marries this guy she was hiding in her house 7 weeks later. 

[Juliecelle]

The most recent:

"I'm worried about you. I want you to get help. I think you might have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Uh, ya think! Hmmm, haven't been in a war. Had a great childhood. Haven't been abused. Oh wait... .  I'm married to a Borderline! 'Nuff said.

[LetItBe]

His last message to me was " I don't blame you for anything", by now I know that is BS, he blaims me for everything that happened. I have witnessed how his memory wipes out all the things he does and says

Why I fell love with him? He was just like my mother.

My uBPDxbf also "reassured" me in his last message, "I hold no blame or ill will" -- after blaming me twice in the same message.

I also fell in love with him because he was just like my mother.  

I've learned enough finally not to put myself in those circumstances again ever.

[lhd981]

Another eyebrow-raising one:

We were happily driving on a beautiful spring day, holding hands as she often liked to do while we drove, when I began talking to her about a new client of mine and how they were involved in the adult film industry.

She excitedly asked all sorts of questions about how much adult actresses get paid, etc (which I didn't have the answers to - we were only hired to do their computer network!). At one point, I speculated that they must have some big bucksl, as the office was very sleek and modern. Her response made me... . uncomfortable:

"Find out how much, because I'd totally take <vulgar word for penis> for an hour if it meant making a few grand".

She said this while smiling and holding my hand, as if there was nothing weird about it. No, we didn't have an open relationship.

[leftbehind]

"I've had a spiritual shift, and our energies don't match anymore, so I can't be with you."  This was six days after calling me up to tell me he was incredibly in love with me, and writing me an email saying what a wonderful woman I am, and that I'm God's gift to him.

[leftbehind]

Iamdevastated, she sounds like a psychopath.  So sorry you had to endure that.

[Katsky]

When I was dumped by text message (I was ill in bed with a bad cold),

"You're a cruel heartless b-----d and i am so f-----g rid of you. I hate you"

"Just stay out of my f----g life. I F----g hate you. I was clinging to the hope that you actually had an ounce of feeling in you. You are the most evil, cruel, selfish person I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

"there is only one thing i can do to hurt you just as much. I have nothing else to lose"

(This final was a suicide threat: over the three yeas or so, there had been hundreds of suicide threats)

[BrewCrew17]

"That is weird that you would love someone and want to be with them forever"

"The grass is definitely greener on the other side because my life is without you"

"No it means NOTHING you took care of my daughter for 5 years and she called you daddy"

[feelingcrazy7832]

Wow! I've heard so many similar things it's scary. Well, I have heard so many one liners that are insane but will focus on the last argument that hopefully ended things forever and I never hear from his again. To give background, we were going to leave for a vacation with my daughter until two days before I found out he was doing drugs again. I had his phone and he physically grabbed me and ripped my jacket to get phone. Obviously, I didn't let him go on trip and ended it. I had his briefcase at my house.

Next day... .  goes from screaming his head off, to then making up a story of how someone told him I was seeing someone else (total LIE no one called him and told him that), to then being nice, to then him calling me crying hysterically on phone saying "if you don't give me my briefcase I will put a bullet in my head and it will be all your fault". (his briefcase had some legal info he needed to get his license back which I fully intended on giving back to him.) He was sobbing, threatening suicide and telling me I'm to blame.

Next day I was driving to his house to drop it off. I called like 10 times but I couldn't get a word in because he was screaming at the top of his lungs going insane telling me to F off, calling me names, then hanging up. All I was trying to do is tell him I was dropping his bag off before my flight left. I got 30 seconds away from his house and turned around. Felt it was not safe to be around him. I got more angry voicemails threatening me. Let him know I would not drop it off when he was acting that way. Blocked his calls. 5 days later, I’m getting emails while I'm on vacation “I’ve always been so taken by you, I don’t care about the briefcase, I love you and miss you, please talk to me, there’s so much I want to say, I can’t say sorry enough” begging and pleading and professing his undying love to talk to me. Now he doesn’t care about bag.

I leave his bag when I get home outside on my deck and tell him to come get it while I'm at work. He didn't pay me pack money he owed me so a few days later I Ask him for the money he owed me and I started getting texts about “I was just trying to hold on to something when I sent you those emails, nothing lasts forever, this relationship was over the day you started to see someone else (which was a made up story….does he really believe his own lies I wonder?).

A minute later “I know that wasn’t really the end of our relationship”

When I call him out on his B.S. “Please don’t contact me ever again, nothing good will come out of it”

Um, I didn’t contact you for anything other than to return your briefcase and get the money he owed me. I broke it off with him, not the other way around.

This seriously all happened within a matter of a week and a half.

It seemed like he could switch on and off like a switch. It’s pure insanity to think of it. God, I have so many stories like this it’s traumatic to think about them all.