Questions for children of BPD parents

[Rainyren]

I know this will hard to do, but, If you had the choice between  living with a father with BPD and non BPD mother,  Or be raised by single mom and deal with BPD father seperatly, what would you have choosen? 

[boatingwoman]

Well, I've never had to choose, but I think living with a single mom without BPD would be a choice to consider.  As I'm sure you know when you live with a BPD there is no escape from any of it.

Good luck making your decision. 

[lucky blue jay]

I would choose to live with a single, non BPD mom.  thats justme, and these choices can be difficult.  i know for me when my mom is in a good place she can be wonderful and i do have many good memories with her.  i also have pain and baggage. best of luck to you 

[ScarletOlive]

Hi Rainyren,

It really depends on the situation, the child's sensitivity and coping skills, the coping skills of the non-BPD parent, and how high/low functioning the BPD parent is. If the child is at risk of abuse, neglect, or mistreatment, then that would be a major factor.

Here's some articles that might help you out in discerning what's best (some of them mention mother, but they apply to both parents):

How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

TOOLS: When are the children of a BPD parent at risk?

Workshop - BPD: Problematic mothering/parenting

Staying/Leaving for the kids?

What are your thoughts on this right now? Sending you much caring and support. 

[Rainyren]

Well I am 99% sure of separating. I feel since my DS is so young I may be able to help diminish the effects of uBPDbf. I feel super guilty but just thinking to reduce his rights of being with our son ( we already talked about a 50/50 custody)  but at the same time what kind of mother would i be if i let my son with him unsupervised, if i have an doubt in his ability to care for him? don't get me wrong he is a good father. But im scared if I am not around , my son will eventually be his target.  He is never physical but verbally abusive . I have seen him being so impatient and angry because DS didn't sleep well that night and poop all over himself and the crib that morning. I work nights sometimes so he has to take care of everything at home. I mean of course it is frustrating and super tiring but I dont think its a reason to be short and impatient. the baby crying he is wiping his bum muttering to himself visibly angry, I think it made the baby even more upset, until i took over. Vicious circle, then of course found a reason to be mad at me. I dunno. It felt wrong the way he reacted but I'm not sure its enough to deny him his son?

Im hoping if or when we separate, when DS is with me at least I will teach him that he is beautiful and unique and all that stuff we want to teach our kids  ., Im hoping to counter balance the negative i guess.