when it all falls apart

[MammaMia]

TT

This may sound strange, but have you done a background check on the new bf?  It may provide some insight into his past

behavior.  He is a single father, do you know the story behind that?  What do you know about him?

It sounds like your dd is having second thoughts about their relationship, and you may be right about her using him to make the exbf jealous.  This is not good.  Who knows how bf may react if he learns the truth about her on-going

communication with her ex behind his back?   He is obviously trying to alienate your dd and gs from you.  He sounds like a control freak.  

The fact dd says she is afraid to leave the current bf is very troubling.  The warning signs are there, and it sounds like she is in over her head.  Can you talk to her alone and try to get her HONEST feelings about this relationship?  It is also worrisome that the new bf has stated that he loves your gs like his own son. That is just too much too soon. What does your gs say about him?

If dd decides to stay with and/or marry the new bf, is her exbf willing to completely sever all ties?   He would have to refuse to speak to her, text her, and see her.  No contact whatsoever.  No attempts to rescue her from her situation.  Can he do this?  Can she do this?

I have no answers.  You could let this play out, see what dd decides and go from there.  She is a grown woman.  However, your gs needs protection.  He should not be a pawn in the middle of what is going on.  His happiness and safety are paramount.  If CPS is involved, you would need to prove your dd is an unfit mother.  I do not know if it is possible to get their input prior to deciding if you need their services.

I think you are looking at all options and being very rational.  Having said that, I am not sure your dd and new bf are in sync with you.   Follow your head and your heart.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

TT


This is a tough one and I am sure your concern and worry about gs is what is driving all of this.

Here is something I know... . if you are not happy with the pwBPD... . wait a few minutes and they will totally change direction so how do you try and control this situation when it is out of your hands. Your dd is using you and making you the scapegoat because she knows you want gs. What would happen if you stepped back and stopped contact with dd and bf? What if you told them both at the same time that you are concerned for gs and would like to be invoved in his life but that you will not stand by and be lied about and used. I would not go into the details... . that is up to your dd to tell the truth... . but simply back away. You can't win at this. You have no proof of abuse and CPS is not going to remove gs because his mother is a liar.

What do you think of that approach? I am just wondering if you removed yourself for the time being then dd could not blame you and use you like she is doing.