I really did it now

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have texted my wife numerous times this week, asking if we had to get a divorce. If it was the only way?

I sent texts with nothing but things about our past, about memories. About her kids and how much i love them. Never a threat or anything other than love sick, stupid texts, wanting us to not end.

And while I was sitting in a movie, by myself tonight, I get a text from her that she filed an ex-parte restraining order against me. And to not contact her again. I sat there in disbelief. I responded, please send me a copy. She write back, are you kidding me, you're really contacting me? Call the sheriff. So I did.

As you can imagine, that fact that I even wrote her back, I was literally ~ting in my pants, if this was true, am I now in trouble? The sheriff called me back and confirmed there was an order entered today. I asked him if I was in violation of the order because I asked her to send me a copy. He said I was not, not until I am served. Which I have not been.

Moral of the story... . well, that's obvious. I was a foolish man thinking I could re-connect with her, and all the while she stayed silent. Perfected the whole NC thing. And I just couldn't let it go. I wanted closure. Or a possible re-connect.

Be careful with what you want and what you do. It may not work out the way you want. So, when I get served, I will have to go to court and answer to a judge. What a flippin nightmare.

[spaceace]

I have texted my wife numerous times this week, asking if we had to get a divorce. If it was the only way?

I sent texts with nothing but things about our past, about memories. About her kids and how much i love them. Never a threat or anything other than love sick, stupid texts, wanting us to not end.

And while I was sitting in a movie, by myself tonight, I get a text from her that she filed an ex-parte restraining order against me. And to not contact her again. I sat there in disbelief. I responded, please send me a copy. She write back, are you kidding me, you're really contacting me? Call the sheriff. So I did.

As you can imagine, that fact that I even wrote her back, I was literally ~ting in my pants, if this was true, am I now in trouble? The sheriff called me back and confirmed there was an order entered today. I asked him if I was in violation of the order because I asked her to send me a copy. He said I was not, not until I am served. Which I have not been.

Moral of the story... . well, that's obvious. I was a foolish man thinking I could re-connect with her, and all the while she stayed silent. Perfected the whole NC thing. And I just couldn't let it go. I wanted closure. Or a possible re-connect.

Be careful with what you want and what you do. It may not work out the way you want. So, when I get served, I will have to go to court and answer to a judge. What a flippin nightmare.

[Lady31]

I'm so sorry to hear that. A normal person would ask you to leave them alone first. Just goes to show you.   

[spaceace]

She did ask me... . two times last night, she had said in the past, maybe 2 months ago, she would file if I contacted her again. I let sleeping dogs lie, but the closer we got to the date for me to file divorce, the more I wanted to salvage something, and not go through with a divorce if there was any hope whatsoever. When she responded the 2 times last night, she never said she would file, but I should have not been so surprised. I saw how she painted her ex husband black as tar, and I don't know why I didn't think she would do the same to me. It's my fault. Plain and simple. I know her, I know how she has some severe emotional issues and I just thought I could reach her some home. I was incredibly wrong... . and now I pay the price... . it is my fault, I own it, I contacted her, and I shouldn't have.

[mrclear]

Dear Spaceace,

Don't beat yourself up. It's only normal and rational to want to save a relationship and work on things. You're trying to face your responsibilities in a failed relationship. It honours you. In this case, however, it will only backfire. You're ex is trying to erase you from her life. Pretend you never existed, so she can carry on her dysfunctional behavior with the next poor guy. You've been split, my friend and nothing will change that, untill she decides to split you back.

See it as a blessing in disguise. It will help you take the focus from her and put it back onto you. Find out why you want(ed) this relationship and if it is really important to you. Do you really want to spend your valuable time with somebody who is abusive and unstable? Think on it.

Detachment hurts. There are no 2 ways about it. It will take time to heal and process. Nothing this person does will ever make sense. In the past or future. Best to not dwell on it (easier said, than done). In the end, you will ask yourself why you let this happen to you and why you gave up control of your life. The next step to healing 

atb, mrclear