Could you really believe their past? Or is it BPD distortion?

[Deleted]

As many of us here have read, we have all been painted black and made to be some demon that we most certainly are not. This makes me actually doubt the validity of some aspects of s BPDs past. Maybe this is not the case, perhaps it's as bad as they say it is. But when I heard what has been said about me by her, compared to how I actually am how I treated her its two completely different things. It makes me wonder if their dark past, maybe certain aspects, are just distortion of their own thinking. Anyone feel this way?

[BorderlineMagnet]

Absolutely. My craziest BPD ex actually tried to convince her parents that I forced her to do meth or I would beat her. Truth is she was doing meth behind my back and lying to me and her family about it. Luckily her family trusted me and liked (I still talk to them on a weekly basis) or I could've gotten in to a lot of trouble. I'm sure I'm some kind of jerk to my current BPD ex, either that or she uses me to keep her new guy hooked (apparently after not even 2 months of them dating/knowing each other I'm a big topic in fights all the time).

[Deleted]

Crazy, i myself am doubtful to certain experiences she has told me about and used to hook me into the relationship. Perhaps it's me who wants to deny them since I loved her and couldn't imagine her going thru such experiences(it killed me) or it could of possibly been her own distortion that made a mountain out of an anthill. But now I'm mor incline to think about the latter.

Your experience makes me think of a child who just got caught red handed and cannot face the consequences and has to point fingers at someone for their fault. BPD = 5 year olds in their actions sometimes.

[BorderlineMagnet]

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Both these girls have sob stories about their awful past. The current one I'm somewhat inclined to believe due to her family seeming a bit dysfunctional. But of course she has the abusive guy story, and apparently the guy before me (who knocked her up) lied about his age and was a sex offender. Not that it's impossible, but that's quite a story. The previous one has claims of abuse and victimization that are just too outlandish. Everyone I've met in her family does not corroborate any of her claims in the least. And her family seems like an amazing group of people to me.

[MontyD]

My ex also told me horrific stories about her past.

Sexual abuse in the family. Brought up in poverty. Bullied at school. Ran away from home. It just went on and on.  Even said she reported her father to police because he sexually abused her. Funny thing no one else knew about it.

All her boyfriends treated her badly, dumped her. Relationships didn't last. (any wonder, BPD !)

I did have some long talks with her elder sister who is aware of  my ex's illness.

It appears to me she has a wonderful family, 2 great sisters and a bunch of well brought up nieces and nephews.

Any wonder she tried her hardest to keep me away from the family.

After some investigating, and meeting her family, and her 2 sisters, it turned out the stories were utter fabrications.  When you check out the stories in detail, she would have to had been in two places at once.  The time lines didn't match. Where did the money come from to do the things she said she did ?

I think they get away with the lies because we never check out the details because we take them at face value and want to help the BPD Waif.

Also, I think they tell these horrific lies to explain away they way they are, mixed up, come from a dysfunctional family. You would think at 50 years old she would have learnt that the truth will always out.

It is amazing how easy it is to find the truth once you start digging.

Monty

[Deleted]

my god MontyD thats just extreme. 

I don't understand BPD. My exBPD from the start told me about a traumatic sexual experience and even spoke about it in great deal (first 3months) although I told I was simply not ready, did not care and just got angry with me. There were no boundaries. We had an arguement 6 months into the relationship (in feb.) and when I finally peeked out the FOG, I wanted to leave and she stated "please be patient with me this is the time that it occured understand me please (puppy eyes). However, she told me that her experience occured in august.   Honestly, if its an experience that's so horrendous why do would you throw it around like nothing? use it as some sort of tactic to get your way? basically, please excuse my abusive behavior because this happened, how could you open up about it so fast to a stranger? it makes NO sense.

[bewildered2]

a psychologist specialized in dealing with borderlines told me that the rule in the profession is not to believe a single thing that they tell you, unless it can be independently substantiated.

my ex told a pile of stories too... .  all seemed credible... .  until she told them a second or third time and they didn't quite match up.

when people lie, they story keeps changing, unless they have memories like elephants or unless they are extremely good liars.

with honest people, the story never changes.

oh, and i had the same thing with not meeting the family... .  there was always some excuse why is couldnt happen just yet... .  yeah yeah yeah... .  the cover woulda been blown... .  and they woulda told me the truth... .  

borderlines are bad news... .  dont believe a thing they tell you.

b2

[Billa]

my exBF was always speaking of his ex-wife as a wonderful person (they are still seeing each other, periodically), a woman he adores and has lost, but I suspect that this is happening because they separated in 2007 and he was the one who did the break-up. I don't know if in the inmediate aftermath he shared the same feelings. As a matter of fact, I'm convinced that she was wishing him to go and didn't stop him or take him back and that she is still friends with him just to keep him calm. In fact he is the one who arranges their meeting but they only meet at restaurants or bars, never at home. And she only managed to get a legal separation in 2012 when he bought a new house and had to transfer his legal domicile there to get the mortgage, as he didn't want to do that before.

About the ex Gf who came before me, at the beginning he told me that she was always creating problems, as she didn't understand him and she was used ro rage and so on. About the previous one, that I knew, the one he has recycled during our r/s, first he told me that he was very disappointed by her behaviour, as she has decided to stop being friends with him and he couldn't understand why. Then, at the end of June, he told me that she had raged at him one night they had met together with other friends and that she had accused other people to badmouth him, before admitting she was the one who had been badmouthing him around. He also added he was afraid she could do something bad to him. Then, at a certain point, they "solved all their problems", and she was no longer a monster, but only a person who had been very angry with him, but now was angry no more. In the end, she was a saint and I was a demon... .  

[Mightyhammers]

Ex boyfriend cheated on her and she went back to him. He was abusive, constantly harassed her, turned up at her work, sent abusive texts and phone calls constantly. He is now a big time coke dealer

do I believe any of it? not any more, no

[Rocknut]

My ex with BPD told me he was molested by his father. He told me all sorts of horrific things.

He told me a manager at his job sexually harassed him. He said a manager at his previous job had sexually harassed him. He told me, "everyone has always run away from me in relationships."

Then I figured out he was full of it. I also figured out he pushed everyone away. They didn't run away.

[Deleted]

Yeah it's a paradox. My exBPD would write these elaborate poems about love and tell me how much she loves me but its their own behavior that prevents it .

I had nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, anger, when my exBPD told me about the her traumatic sexual experience. I wasn't ready to hear it in such detail it was too soon but nevertheless I tried to comfort.  I was heartbroken. But as the relationship progressed I noticed my exBPD would use that as a sort of manipulation in order for me to excuse her behavior. Kind of "well, this happened to her and despite her toxic behavior towards me, I must excuse it".

In addition, after seeing how she split me black and how she spoke about me it makes me wonder if these are just distortions, anthills made into mountains.

Well thank you all for giving your insights.

[feelingcrazy7832]

Almost every time I looked into a story to verify if it were true, it was a lie. Pretty much everthing he told me about his ex wife was a lie. He even told a few stories that went into great detail:

1. His ex wife went to work one day, he called his friends, packed all her belongings, put them in storage, changed the locks, when she came home, he handed her some money and the key to the storage unit.

Truth: She packed her things when he was at work and when he got home she was gone, couldn't tolerate him any longer and moved in with her brother for awhile until she moved out of state. She wanted to get as far away from him as she possibly could.


2. He called me one day and gave this crazy story about how his ex wife showed up at his work and assaulted him, how horrible she looked, how she had tattoos all over her body, how he had heard she was doing all these bad things.

Truth: She hadn't been in the state we live in for several years. When confronted of course he kept lying, said it was another woman he dated, then he would tell the truth that it never happened when I told him I talked to his ex wife. The reason he gave is he wanted to make me jealous

Seriously?

[Deleted]

Insane.

When I would be with my exBPD around her neighborhood and we saw people from her past, they would be a bit  I dunno how to describe it but it seemed as if they were putting up a wall and perhaps looking at me and thinking "what a sucker poor guy"