Is it possible that through marriage counseling that the counselor will be able to have separate sessions in addition to joint sessions? I don't know what the policy is on that, but I think it might be something that would encourage individual counsel. I know my fiance won't consider going on his own, but he might consider going with me. If that would guide him into the possibility of individual sessions, I would think that would be helpful. Any thoughts on this?
Rockylove, that was my goal with marriage counselling. I also wanted to go so that I could hear what H thought some of the problems were. So, while I wasn't aiming to have the T actually fix anything, I figured I could use it for insight and, hopefully, to lead us into individual counselling (which I've already started).
They say that the key to convincing someone to get help is to focus on what
they see as problems rather than what
we see. This is the main advice from the book, 'I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help', recommended often on this site. It's a good point. I can't convince my H that his thinking is twisted, but I can point out some of the things that already bother him and suggest that maybe someone could help him to fix those. For example, he wouldn't see his P when he was dissociated based on all his dysregulated moods and thinking, or because he was suddenly hating everyone he knew (including me), or because he was spending money all over the place, but he
did go when I pointed out that the self-injuring behaviour had resurfaced (something I know bothers him). So I'm hoping the T can find other things that bother H, things I can work on from my end and things that will perhaps lead H to get individual sessions (not for BPD per se, but for other 'stuff' - I'll just, you know, happen to recc Ts who also specialize in BPD).
If it doesn't work, well, meh - at least I tried.