Am I the only one?

[wishful2]

Who didn't send anything or do anything for their mother yesterday? I am sorry, she has just caused me too much pain to even think of writing something appreciative to her. I just wanted to cry most of the day seeing all my friend's fb post about how great their mothers are. Then my OWN brother posted how great of a job our mother did in raising us? He is the golden child in her eyes and he is blinded to how she is... .  

I am sorry, but a mother who ignores her own child for over a year because HER feelings were hurt by a decision my DH & I made regarding OUR children is just selfish. We try to reconcile only to be met with the stipulations of meeting with her counselor and nothing else. Then when we refuse, we're the ones who aren't reconciling the relationship. I just want to be done with her involvement in my life completely.

Sorry for the rant... .  a rough day yesterday.

[NonBPDaughter]

Hi Wishful,

Mothers day can be tough on all of us who have grown up with a BPD mum. Myself, while not expressly NC with my uBPD mother, we are not really on speaking terms right now. I sent her a brief but polite and civil text simply saying "Happy Mothers Day today!:) "

Of course what i really wanted to say would be too impolite to post here! But what good would it do? Wishful it is ok and totally understandable that you feel these things, we all do. Its all par for the course and in fact its perfectly normal. Most of us would never put up with this kind of crap from anyone else.

I cant even look at the posts about the amazing relationships friends have with their mothers, through weddings and babies and just life in general. Its so hard to see what you cant/will never have.

Wishful i hope as a mother you felt lots of love and kindness from your children yesterday, hang in there. xxx

[cleotokos]

Wishful I didn't want to send anything, but I did send her an email. It made me feel like a liar. But I couldn't imagine the guilt of not sending anything.

[Up In the Air]

We didn't send anything. My husband had bought a blank card, but couldn't bring himself to write something. Mother's Day cards are so cheesy. While there are many great mamas out there, I don't understand the lying that is implied for the holiday. It's like we are supposed to forget the pain of the childhood that shaped us and then pretend, for a day, that it didn't happen.

My hubby and I joked about creating 'Happy Bad Mother's Day' cards, filling them with sarcastic poems about how awful they are. It's funny, it's sad, and oh so true.

Please don't be riddled with guilt for not sending anything. You're dealing with something really painful and you're completely allowed to be honest about how you feel about her.

[Cordelia]

Oh you're not the only one.  I didn't send anything, and didn't even think much of it this year.  Previous years it's been more of a struggle, this year, for whatever reason I just shrugged it off.  It was a busy day - I went to a friend's wedding, and had some delicious dim sum, and ran some errands with my husband.  I just don't have time to feel bad about that crazy lady anymore.   

[skelly_bean]

I sent my mom the most generic ecard I could find. I considered sending nothing, but didn't want to deal with the potential fallout.

My hubby and I joked about creating 'Happy Bad Mother's Day' cards, filling them with sarcastic poems about how awful they are. It's funny, it's sad, and oh so true.

ahhahah... . I think there's a lot of potential for humour with bad mothers. Like Lucille Bluth in Arrested Development, a bad mother is such a cultural taboo and there's so much baggage associated with it - it is liberating to just point at it and laugh at how awful, ridiculous, perverse and sometimes hilarious it is.

My mother's ranting emails have sometimes left me in stitches. She told me in the last big bad email that she would "abandon us like her mother abandoned her, and we would know what it would be like to live without a mother." Whennnn in reality it's too late mom you literally abandoned me when I was 11 years old and my brother was 9. Threatening to abandon your children when the youngest is 26 years old is hilarious.