here we go again

[enough abuse]

 It was a pleasant few weeks until yesterday.  My uBPD sister texted my mom last week to ask her if she wanted to go to "grandparents" day for her kids school as my mom has gone to and enjoyed the last several years.  My mom said she would go and for her to give her the information.  So after a few days she texted her the info.  Then ended up calling her yesterday after about 2 months.  Of course it was immediate trouble with all the same things over and over again.  This time she seemed to be attacking me.  Telling my mom how she listens to everything I say, never listens to my sister.  I am the favorite... .  on and on and on... .  we have heard this 100's of times.  She then has said specific lies like telling my mom my husband told her a lot of things about me.  My husband has been on to my sister since before we were married 11 years ago.  Terrible lies.  

Then my sister had her kids call my mom the 11year old who has always begged to spend time with my mom and loved being with grandma... .  had to tell her she did not want her to come to grandparents day "because they did not know how she would act"  My mom said "how do you think I would act?" the poor kid had no answer.  Then her 12 yr old son called and basically told her the same thing... .  this kid has a big heart and sounds like was hard for him to do this.  Then the 14yr old who had confided in my mom this fall and my mom really gave her support this fall when my sister was threatning to divorce her husband... .  called and was swearing at my mom and telling her how "she  on them" and was calling my mom a liar... .  horrible... .  this kid would never do this to my mom... .  How awful, she is using these kids in this situation.  

Today her husband " who is the best greatest guy in the world" this is what she is telling the world now but the last 2 falls she wanted to divorce him, but everything is "great" with them, because my brother in law according to my sister had depression and anxiety and jealosy and when he got help it's all better now... .  amazing isn't it?

My poor mom lives alone, 2 miles from her and I live 2.5 hrs away.  My aunt went and talked to my mom today to offer support but this is just awful.  I can't believe she is doing this and messing these kids up like this.

I know this will NEVER end but I want it so done.

[Buzz2406]

Hi there,

Everything you describe is so familiar being the husband of a wife with BPD. I have lost count of the amount of times that I have threatened with divorce or other threats.

You are not alone. I am new to posting here and I am finding great splice in the support so freely given here.

Good luck with your journey.

[heartandwhole]

 

Hi enough abuse,

I'm so sorry about your sister's behavior toward you and your mom.  That is hurtful and I understand your desire to just be done with it once and for all.  You have come to the right place for support.  There are many people here who can empathize and who have experienced similar situations.  There are lots of tools here, too, which can really make a difference for you and your mom - there is definitely hope!  You can feel better and have a better relationship with your sister.

Is your sister diagnosed with BPD?  Is she in therapy?  

Here is a link that may be helpful for you at the moment: The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship

Hang in there, things can get better.  We are here to support you.  Keep writing, it helps!

heartandwhole

[enough abuse]

Oh no, my sister is NOT in therapy... .  she is fine, she dosen't have a problem... .  my mom and I need help according to her... .  guess what?  mom and I have gotten help.  Help to understand and know who to respond to her.  I found it interesting 2 things our social worker said #1.  the healthy family members seek help, rarely the ill individual that needs it and #2 my social worker says she herself will not see a BPD patient as she dosent even trust them professionally. 

We must detach... .  this has been going on for about 12 years, getting worse each time... .  need to put end to it as things are getting much worse and I have a 4 and 6 year old who I refuse to let be victimized.