have you forced your SO to get into treatment or waited until they hit bottom?

[patientandclear]

WD -- I want to share in solidarity that my exH (not the man wBPD about whom I am on this board) used to threaten suicide.

(Because like Summer I felt it was manipulative in my particular situation, I got to the point where I would just call the police (it was a LDR at the time and there was no option of my driving over to see him).  That happened twice and then the comments ceased.  Not recommending this necessarily for you b/c my exH had a very different personality than your bf, who I sense is not manipulating with these comments.  He doesn't even know what he's asking of you.)

I hear you about your friend who had a recent suicide in her family and her urging you to "make him get help," but the truth is, you cannot make him get help unless you are willing to initiate the civil commitment process, and even then, it is not certain or perhaps not even likely that he will be held long enough to compel medication, and in truth, what he's struggling with may or may not be susceptible to pharmaceutical treatment.  You cannot make him get help.  What you are doing is genuine support.  You are offering ideas if asked, you are even making the suggestion, but you are recognizing that in the end he will control that.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[wdone]

thanks... .  yeah, i went to an alanon meeting, and tried to let go even more.  i really was wondering if he would be found in his apartment. 

he sent me a text about an hour ago. all is said was "i am fine,"  but i relaxed a TON, just knowing he is alive.

i did text back, thanking him so much and letting him know i appreciate it a lot.  i asked what kind of space he was is and told him i missed him.  i didn't hear back... .  

i feel a lot better.  i may be able to sleep!

thanks for the support. i know it's not over, and may never be (the ups and downs and concern about suicide), but for today, i can breathe a little better right now.

[patientandclear]

Well-handled.  You did everything right.  Amazing that that can be true and the situation still be as it is, right?  But it is true.  You did everything right.

[wdone]

i had a similar thought myself... .  it was,

i can't do anything wrong, or right.  but, i guess you can look at it the way you said it as well!  it really doesn't matter what we do.  i believe that most of the time.  i can't guess his motives or try to say the right thing... .  walk on eggshells... .  i can only express myself honestly and try to give him space.

i guess there is the whole way of talking to them as well (dearman, set, etc)

but, yes... .  whew. 

and, not to be dark, but he still could do it. 

but just the contact helped soo much. 

(and, btw, he can be very manipulative)... .