I just had a great weekend - a 3 day festival where I was the producer came off well. A few days later I got an email from one of the key volunteers (a woman) that was emotional and critical of me ( how she perceived my treatment of her). She resigned.
Well ... . I reacted and took it very personally. I thought "What a lousy leader and what a bad guy I am". I reacted with a groveling email apologizing, taking all the responsibility, promising to change etc. Later I felt like such a failure I resigned from the society!
Last night I realized what had happened. The email had re-triggered my feelings that I had with a r/s with my exBPD. Hypercritical emails where everything was my fault were at least a weekly occurrence often with a "I need to detach" ending. I would grovel (apologizing, taking all the responsibility, promising to change etc.). I now see this as emotional abuse from a pwBPD. I chose to stay for reasons that I am figuring out now.
This woman is not BPD (yes she is from Venus
). This was a big wake up call for me. I will have women in my life that get emotional and express themselves. My r/s with a BPD has left me hypersensitive to perceived criticism and abandonment. I need to remember that not every woman is my ex.
What a freakin relief!
