Just Another Meal in His Food Chain

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

New thoughts pop up as I continue to process the loss.  Latest one:  I was just another meal in his food chain.  Rather than hurting me, this thought helps me understand how his mind works.  I always mean what I say and say what I mean, so it took me a long time (I take responsibility for overlooking many red flags) to comprehend that he simply does not think as I do.  Step before this was realizing that although someone may be very accomplished, talented, etc., you don't know their own self image:  I now realize his self esteem is zero and that is why his need to fill up his "bottomless pit" superseded his sense of right and wrong.  It really helps to lessen the hurt.  He wasn't being deliberately cruel, it's just that he has a constant appetite that no one person can ever satisfy.  I am starting to see some peace of mind on the horizon.

[eniale]

New thoughts pop up as I continue to process the loss.  Latest one:  I was just another meal in his food chain.  Rather than hurting me, this thought helps me understand how his mind works.  I always mean what I say and say what I mean, so it took me a long time (I take responsibility for overlooking many red flags) to comprehend that he simply does not think as I do.  Step before this was realizing that although someone may be very accomplished, talented, etc., you don't know their own self image:  I now realize his self esteem is zero and that is why his need to fill up his "bottomless pit" superseded his sense of right and wrong.  It really helps to lessen the hurt.  He wasn't being deliberately cruel, it's just that he has a constant appetite that no one person can ever satisfy.  I am starting to see some peace of mind on the horizon.

[tailspin]

eniale,

Nice work untangling the knots 

One of my favorite quotes is:  “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

So we didn't get what we wanted.  Well maybe... .  it's because something better is coming.

tailspin

[eniale]

Thanks, Tailspin... .  

Another good one is "Be careful what you pray for!"  Actually, I did pray to meet someone and it seemed almost mystical as I met him 35 years to the day I met my late good husband, and we both had friends in the same European country.  To add insult to injury, he made my friend HIS friend and I no longer hear from her since the break-up.  My bad, I always knew he was "opportunistic" and she will be sorry they ever met.  But I must say, I learned a lot from the experience!

[GreenMango]

There's a lot of needs, sometimes really unreasonable ones, with these relationships. 

[leftbehind]

Eniale, my ex was opportunistic too.  Maybe it's part of BPD?  A survival mechanism?  And I lost a 20 year friendship to him, so in part it feels like thievery too. 

And I feel the same way too.  Just another meal in his food chain.  When he assimilated all he could, it was time to move on to another person/meal.

I love Tailspin's comment:

So we didn't get what we wanted.  Well maybe... .  it's because something better is coming.

Here's to hoping!

[eniale]

To Leftbehind --

Wow, so sorry you lost a 20 year friendship to your ex.  Mine was 6 years.  At least I think it's gone; after a very supportive e-mail from her following the b/u, she has not responded to 3 other e-mails from me in over 3 mos.  He told me he did not find her attractive, but I knew from the start he found her apartment in a wonderful city in Europe very attractive!  We stayed there with her just a year ago.  He asked for her e-mail before we went so he "could e-mail her in her own language."  I thought that was so nice!  Maybe even then, he knew eventually he would dump me for yet another woman.  I know he e-mailed her several times after that... .  so I am putting 2 and 2 together.  I think of him as a bottomless pit, never enough women, friends (he wanted me to still be his "best friend" even after telling me of his new woman!) and money... .  he had a good income, but was cheap (not talking frugal here.)  Was your ex cheap also?

[leftbehind]

No, my ex was generous, but lived way beyond his means.  He went bankrupt before we dated.  When we first started dating he was very generous because he had two jobs.  When he quit his second job, there was no money for outings (maybe once a month) but he still paid for everything, even if it was just a cup of coffee. 

My ex wanted to friend an extremely attractive friend of mine on Facebook.  I told him no, and felt horribly guilty about it afterwards.  In retrospect, I'm glad I told him no.