Do you love your parents?

[simplesimon]

That's a hard question.

Do I love my mother?

Nope.  Not even a little.  I don't hate her because to me that gives her way to much power in my mind and heart.  She doesn't exsist for me and ceased to exsist for me when she finally crossed the last line I had - blocking me from seeing my dying grandma because she felt she could.

Thoughts of her leave me empty because she like a photograph - just a picture to me with no thoughts or emotions.

[XL]

I am constantly frustrated by her to the point that it would be less frustrating and my life would be better if she weren't in it. I try to check my death wish for her (in highschool I literally wished she'd die) and instead wish she'd move somewhere happy, and far far away.

I don't consider her a parent either. The rank of "Who's the parent here?" goes: oldest sibling, father, me, sibling, mother.

I consider my father more of a buddy, and my oldest sibling more of a parent. I was devastated when oldest sibling left for college, and outsourced "parent" to boyfriend's household. My father's good at throwing money at things and shenanigans. But he spent a lot of time disappearing, not interacting with major accomplishments, etc. I like him as friend, which I can deal with. BPD mom falls into a "childish psych patient you should probably be the one to babyt sit in a vacuum of authority" role.

[yamada]

I have some innate biological attachment that allows the species to survive. Same with my PD sister. My en dad I love and I dont know why . I know none love me as they do not practice it in the true sense. They love themselves more and p0ut themselves first.

[anker]

I love her.

BUT.

This does not mean I owe her anything- even contact of any kind. It does not mean she is now, or ever was, entitled to harm me how she did.

I love her because that is a feeling I have inside me for family, whether or not they are terrible people I want to stay far away from. It's not something I would tell her, and it's no reason for me to talk to her or do anything for her or about her. It's just a feeling.

I never was allowed as a kid to just feel emotions. I learned to either bury them, or instantly act on them. It's been a great comfort to me, to allow myself to be angry, hateful, loving, happy- without having to act on any of it.

My feelings of love are for the times when she was behaving decently toward me. I spent a lot of time confused because I both hated and loved my parents. It's ok to feel both, to know that someone is a bad person, or a sick person, or just someone who is toxic to me, and still feel strongly for them.

I am not currently in contact with my parents/FOO. That makes it a lot easier for me to have any feelings I need to, and not have to act them out.