This weekends contact

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello again!

Quick update kids have been having fortnightly supervised contact. Every time they don't want to go and it's stress build up for few days before, but recently been starting a week before. When they are there, dd6 and ds2 seem to have good time, ds11 varies from not to okayish.

This weekend was first time they were going out of contact centre with dad and member of staff; with a view to going with dad alone next time. Neither of the 2 older ones wanted to go. Equivalent of C.E said he would only speak to the children AFTER these two sessions. He is on leave for couple week now anyway. He will be seeing them in school in about a month time. Having spoken to dd6 teacher, about a month ago in their lesson they had to write down a time when they felt anxious. Dd6 wrote about when she has to see dad. I will be asking for this to be shown to c.e when he visits school. She has also approached the same teacher telling her how worried she is about contact, especially last week prior to going out of the centre.

The trial found no findings. However dad was abusive, but now deemed to pose no danger to the children, and the c.e has to go along with that. At the weekend, both older children refused to go out of centre with dad. Staff spent a long time trying to persuade them but they stayed firm (dd6 I think empowered by her teacher reminding her no one can force you to do what you don't want ) I took ds2 across room and sat reading books as I'm concerned my presence would be misinterpreted by dad. Kids said clearly they don't trust him and don't want to go. Dd6 and ds2 saw him in contact centre on understanding that they wouldnt go out. Ds11 refused point blank, said he didn't want to see him. Staff pointed out he had been many times before but he said he didn't want to see him and was forced to . They asked who by he said staff... . she took it personally and became annoyed! Said she hadn't etc. ds11 became increasingly agitated and raised his voice to which she said "don't get angry with staff I'm just asking you what you want" to which he said "we'll I've told you so go away and leave me alone". He stayed with me the rest of the contact.

It's bank holiday here, I'm dreading when the sol offices open. This has been coming a long time, but it goes without saying that I will be accused of alienating him ( I swear I haven't, he has alienated by his actions). Civil divorce was a year ago. Religious divorce still going through as he is blocking it... . which to me shows he hasn't accepted the situation at all.

The day after contact, dd6 was woken 7 am by two loud bangs. We live in a cul de sac off a main road. It was Sunday morning ie rarely anyone about then. Two eggs were thrown at her window. I've taken photos for what it's worth, and of course can't prove who did but coming the day after contact is v suspicios, and that room when ex lived here was ds11 not dd6... .

We are going on hol next week. He knows cos of contact staff ( Grrr) I'm worried he will turn up now, it's just an hour half drive.

How do I handle these issues?

Thanks in advance

GT

[Gettingthere]

Hello again!

Quick update kids have been having fortnightly supervised contact. Every time they don't want to go and it's stress build up for few days before, but recently been starting a week before. When they are there, dd6 and ds2 seem to have good time, ds11 varies from not to okayish.

This weekend was first time they were going out of contact centre with dad and member of staff; with a view to going with dad alone next time. Neither of the 2 older ones wanted to go. Equivalent of C.E said he would only speak to the children AFTER these two sessions. He is on leave for couple week now anyway. He will be seeing them in school in about a month time. Having spoken to dd6 teacher, about a month ago in their lesson they had to write down a time when they felt anxious. Dd6 wrote about when she has to see dad. I will be asking for this to be shown to c.e when he visits school. She has also approached the same teacher telling her how worried she is about contact, especially last week prior to going out of the centre.

The trial found no findings. However dad was abusive, but now deemed to pose no danger to the children, and the c.e has to go along with that. At the weekend, both older children refused to go out of centre with dad. Staff spent a long time trying to persuade them but they stayed firm (dd6 I think empowered by her teacher reminding her no one can force you to do what you don't want ) I took ds2 across room and sat reading books as I'm concerned my presence would be misinterpreted by dad. Kids said clearly they don't trust him and don't want to go. Dd6 and ds2 saw him in contact centre on understanding that they wouldnt go out. Ds11 refused point blank, said he didn't want to see him. Staff pointed out he had been many times before but he said he didn't want to see him and was forced to . They asked who by he said staff... . she took it personally and became annoyed! Said she hadn't etc. ds11 became increasingly agitated and raised his voice to which she said "don't get angry with staff I'm just asking you what you want" to which he said "we'll I've told you so go away and leave me alone". He stayed with me the rest of the contact.

It's bank holiday here, I'm dreading when the sol offices open. This has been coming a long time, but it goes without saying that I will be accused of alienating him ( I swear I haven't, he has alienated by his actions). Civil divorce was a year ago. Religious divorce still going through as he is blocking it... . which to me shows he hasn't accepted the situation at all.

The day after contact, dd6 was woken 7 am by two loud bangs. We live in a cul de sac off a main road. It was Sunday morning ie rarely anyone about then. Two eggs were thrown at her window. I've taken photos for what it's worth, and of course can't prove who did but coming the day after contact is v suspicios, and that room when ex lived here was ds11 not dd6... .

We are going on hol next week. He knows cos of contact staff ( Grrr) I'm worried he will turn up now, it's just an hour half drive.

How do I handle these issues?

Thanks in advance

GT

[Gettingthere]

Took kids out for couple hours. Came back to another egg just missed my window. Neighbours haven't seen anything. Have reported to police. Going away next week and ex not happy about it. Thinking of getting CCTV. Is that OTT? Feeling v on edge

[ForeverDad]

You have had multiple vandalism events.  Getting some sort of security is appropriate.  CCTV security cameras would be a very good idea.  They're much better quality and less expensive than in years past.  I saw one in a local store was was a combined motion activated security light and camera.  Another package in the store was a system that could record up to 8 cameras.  You have a very good idea who it is, it's just getting the proof.

[broken3]

I bought a brinno tlc 200. Time lapse camera. will take high def. photos on any increment of seconds for a week. $149.00. Worked fantastic!