Then and now

[jmc8899]

I've been reflecting on a lot this past weekend, and think it may be helpful to share... .    I'm 3 months out of a many times recycled relationship with a high functioning BPD man

Then - checking my phone every minute of every day in case he needed me

Now - going hours without looking at my phone

Then - being ashamed to tell my family and friends how this man was treating me

Now - I'm open and honest with family and friends, and able to fall asleep without constantly worrying about him

Then - being afraid to have text conversations with friends (especially male) in fear that he would check my phone

Now - free to talk to whoever I want, whenever I want

Then - unable to make plans with friends because he had to come first - or he would think I don't care about him

Now - making fun plans!

Then - afraid to shine, looking too good or being too successful would be threatening to him

Now - surrounding myself with people who are happy for me

Then - feeling like a terrible person for saying or doing the wrong thing

Now - I know I am only human, no one is perfect and the people in my life love me regardless

Then - thinking he couldn't help the way he was, he had such a terrible life and it was the fault of all the people who wronged him

Now - He is an adult.   He is intelligent.   After a while, he should see that HE is the source of most of his problems, and get help.

[crystalclear]

jmc8899 - DITTO... . on every point you made!

[mango_flower]

Awesome

Funnily enough I was saying to a friend earlier about all the things I can now do, or the way my life is these days without the constant anxiety... .

Nice post.

[Bananas]

   Ditto.  LOVE this. 

[jalbright]

I'm literally only 2 days and while I haven't been able to actually act or embrace all of you examples.  I can certainly understand and feel they will be exactly the same for me.  My biggest issue is still being consumed by the thought of her struggling greatly and still feeling like I need to help. Wrong attitude though.

[Changed4safety]

How inspiring this is, thank you!   

[Take2]

Jmc... .   I'm having a really sad evening and that post truly helped me... . thank you so much for posting it!

[marbleloser]

That's very good jmc!Freedom is a wonderful thing.

[jmc8899]

Most of all, the HONESTY is so freeing!   He forced me to hide so much in order to keep up his web of lies.   I was so afraid of telling someone too much in fear that it would get back to him.   I thought I would be OK with walking on eggshells, that I could cater to his needs and wishes.   Why would I want to live like that?   I would rather be single forever than give up my sanity for someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to love anyone.

[jmc8899]

Happy to help all of you     Anyone who hasn't encountered someone with BPD just doesn't get it.

[Findingmysong723]

Ditto!