Leaving for good- or in another word escaping

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everybody,

In a week I will leave my undiagnosed BPD husband. I was supposed to leave him yesterday, my family bought me tickets and everything but I took a wrong turn and postponed my departure out of guilty consciousness.

My story is very similar like yours, we met on a holiday trip and he `fell in love` with me instantly. I liked him too but wasn't ready to make this story more than a holiday crush, stupidly stayed in touch with him and all of a sudden found myself in a very `passionate` LDR. After I visit him in his country and we spent a romantic weekend together, I decided to move to his country. My plans were made already to move somewhere out of my country and start a new career so he was just a good bonus for my already existed plans.

I sold my car, rented my flat as he had no money to support both of us because his father blocked his accounts (still dunno if its real or not btw) and flew over to Egypt. Before I come here, he started to talk about we should get married because we can't live together out of wedlock in this culture, so we married in religious way, my parents and his family were also present.

The moment my family went back to our country, he changed a lot. Long story short, in 5 months we had plenty of fights, he got snapped out almost about anything, if I watch something he doesn't like he can make guilt trips or silent treatments for two days fx. Same week we had the first fight, he thought I was flirting with his friend becase I was talking to him when we all were in same table, then he threatened me of divorcing, started to pack up his clothes etc. Same scenario happened countless times, more than half of my clothes are still in suitcases cos I am tired of packing unpacking in regular basis.

He recently started to work, till now I am the only one who is paying rent, bills, food etc. When he fights he wouldn't mind to push me around, twist my arm, strangle me strongly till I get bruises on my arms, pull my hairs etc. He can be pretty intimidating as in every fight he is pushing me to bed and start slapping his knees and repeating `I want to slap your face` and breaking stuff around our home.

Sex is an obsession for him, he is ready for it anytime and thinks I have to `give my services` to him (his words) as he is my husband. He gets angry when I refuse, gets angry if I am tired, gets angry if I am still crying of the last episodes etc. He had called me many nasty things, the language he is using is beyond belief. I am no longer peaceful person and I get irritated so quick, I start to cry and leave room cos I really can't take anymore. One time he tried to rape me, I had my period so he stopped. No is never an answer for him and many times he tried to make me pregnant. I am using contraceptive hormone shots (a friend of mine brought from home) and I take them secretly because he would never let me use them.

So my ticket had been re-arranged and I will fly this Monday. I can't tell to him as even normal times he doesn't let me go out for a walk without him. Only to work, and thats because work means money. Many times I tried to walk away from fights and he either had asthma crisis and had fake blackouts in front of main door, or pushed me to bedroom and kept me there till I have no will to leave or whatsoever. You got the point I think.

If I speak with my friends or family, then I get punished with more yellings and name calling. So we had set up a secret communication system with my family, I am the one who initiate the contact and only from safe channels and when I am alone.

I know this is a long post, but I am struggling a lot and really need to get off this from my chest. I am constantly telling lies to people I care: I am good, yes we are fine, yes life is great here! The truth is life is not great and I am in so much pain and confusion and I really really want to go back home and forget all ever happened here. Still I feel guilty that I will leave him all alone knowing this is his biggest nightmare :/

[Simona]

Hello everybody,

In a week I will leave my undiagnosed BPD husband. I was supposed to leave him yesterday, my family bought me tickets and everything but I took a wrong turn and postponed my departure out of guilty consciousness.

My story is very similar like yours, we met on a holiday trip and he `fell in love` with me instantly. I liked him too but wasn't ready to make this story more than a holiday crush, stupidly stayed in touch with him and all of a sudden found myself in a very `passionate` LDR. After I visit him in his country and we spent a romantic weekend together, I decided to move to his country. My plans were made already to move somewhere out of my country and start a new career so he was just a good bonus for my already existed plans.

I sold my car, rented my flat as he had no money to support both of us because his father blocked his accounts (still dunno if its real or not btw) and flew over to Egypt. Before I come here, he started to talk about we should get married because we can't live together out of wedlock in this culture, so we married in religious way, my parents and his family were also present.

The moment my family went back to our country, he changed a lot. Long story short, in 5 months we had plenty of fights, he got snapped out almost about anything, if I watch something he doesn't like he can make guilt trips or silent treatments for two days fx. Same week we had the first fight, he thought I was flirting with his friend becase I was talking to him when we all were in same table, then he threatened me of divorcing, started to pack up his clothes etc. Same scenario happened countless times, more than half of my clothes are still in suitcases cos I am tired of packing unpacking in regular basis.

He recently started to work, till now I am the only one who is paying rent, bills, food etc. When he fights he wouldn't mind to push me around, twist my arm, strangle me strongly till I get bruises on my arms, pull my hairs etc. He can be pretty intimidating as in every fight he is pushing me to bed and start slapping his knees and repeating `I want to slap your face` and breaking stuff around our home.

Sex is an obsession for him, he is ready for it anytime and thinks I have to `give my services` to him (his words) as he is my husband. He gets angry when I refuse, gets angry if I am tired, gets angry if I am still crying of the last episodes etc. He had called me many nasty things, the language he is using is beyond belief. I am no longer peaceful person and I get irritated so quick, I start to cry and leave room cos I really can't take anymore. One time he tried to rape me, I had my period so he stopped. No is never an answer for him and many times he tried to make me pregnant. I am using contraceptive hormone shots (a friend of mine brought from home) and I take them secretly because he would never let me use them.

So my ticket had been re-arranged and I will fly this Monday. I can't tell to him as even normal times he doesn't let me go out for a walk without him. Only to work, and thats because work means money. Many times I tried to walk away from fights and he either had asthma crisis and had fake blackouts in front of main door, or pushed me to bedroom and kept me there till I have no will to leave or whatsoever. You got the point I think.

If I speak with my friends or family, then I get punished with more yellings and name calling. So we had set up a secret communication system with my family, I am the one who initiate the contact and only from safe channels and when I am alone.

I know this is a long post, but I am struggling a lot and really need to get off this from my chest. I am constantly telling lies to people I care: I am good, yes we are fine, yes life is great here! The truth is life is not great and I am in so much pain and confusion and I really really want to go back home and forget all ever happened here. Still I feel guilty that I will leave him all alone knowing this is his biggest nightmare :/

[mango_flower]

So much respect for you Simona.  Sounds like you're living a nightmare!

Will you be going back to your home country?  Does he know the town you'll be going to?

I'm glad you've had time to plan this, please check in and let us know you're safe.

I'll be thinking of you and keeping my fingers tightly crossed that all goes to plan.

Take care xxx

[Changed4safety]

I had to leave in the same way--stupidly reengaged repeatedly for another year, but at least I was 1,000 miles away.  Stay brave!  Check back in with us!   

[Simona]

Thanks mango_flower! It was/is a nightmare but don't get me wrong. We also had beautiful times too and when he is not in his crazy moods he was/is very loving, caring, charming man. The problem those times never last longer than few hours and then the crazy beast comes up to surface again :/

So much respect for you Simona.  Sounds like you're living a nightmare!

Will you be going back to your home country?  Does he know the town you'll be going to?

Eventually yes, but no directly. We skipped direct flight option as it was required me to have a few hours wait in the capital of this country. He has 5 generals in family and his brother is a policeman. Since the beginning of the time he was bragging how he can easily keep someone here or put them blacklist to never come back, so I got paranoid. Now I will fly to a very far away European country, from there to Asia where my niece is leaving and from there back to home. I could be in home in same evening but this way will be longer/safer option.

He never came to my home country but ofc he has all the information about my address etc. He got them with an excuse to send me gifts while we were on dating phase, those gifts never came. I have access to his emails and will clean the private info about me before I leave, and then we will see what will happen.

What I get from this forum is if they leave us they do not try to reengage but if they are dumped they can be persistent to get back? I dunno if this is a right way to interpret but I try to foresee what might expect me and family in upcoming days after my `escape`