Just got dumped... move in with my uBPDm?

[Ajness2305]

After 8 years my bf, and father of my 4 yr old son broke up with me. Things have been pretty rough the last few yrs and we've been trying to make it work for our sons sake. Well... . he just gave up and started seeing someone else. So now he is anxious to "move on and be happy" which is roughly equating to... . when am I gonna move out? For about 3 years, after he lost his job, I worked and supported us, and now, he's working and had insisted I stay at home with our son. Wellllll... . I have no money and no job... . so he would like us to move with my BPD mom. She is awful. We've had soo many problems with her lately that we are only just now coming off of NC... . so... . stay and be miserable here or be miserable with my parents?

[cult]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been working my butt off to support my SO for the past 4 years and we are now in a crisis that will likely conclude in a breakup. So I just wanted to say that I have walked in your shoes and have the blisters to show for it. It sucks, and it's awful, and I feel your pain. :0  I am also considering moving in with my mom who is not BPD, but who is very depressed and needy. Hang in there, things will get better, it's just a question of hanging on!

[Ajness2305]

Thanx, cult. It's been a pretty miserable sob fest over here starting about now after my son falls asleep. He dumped me on mothers day how u like that? Lollll. Ugh. It's nice to hear from people who are going thru the same thing... . not that it's nice ur going thru it but Im not alone sobbing in the fetal position . I really hope things work out for u.

[Islandgrl]

Hi ajness

Also sorry to hear of your troubles. Having a BPD mom too I know how awful it is to live with them so I think that's to be avoided if at all possible but it seems your current situation is pretty tough too.  Is there no alternative - can you get some part time work an have your ex help with some costs? Is there any state help available? 

Hugs and I really hope it works out for you.

[GeekyGirl]

I'm sorry that you're noth going through this, AJ and cult. 

I agree with Islandgrl. If there's any way to avoid moving back in, I'd avoid it. Not only is it good for you to establish your own independence, but it would be easier to maintain relationships with your mothers with some distance.

Are there other friends or relatives you could move in with? Is getting a roommate in an apartment a possibility?

AJ, what are your thoughts about your bf's request that you move in with your mother? If he's asking you to move out, where you go from here is up to you.

[nomom4me]

Hi AJ, sorry you are going through a difficult time,  it sounds like you tried to make it work.

Would staying with your mother be worse than staying where you are?  What about child support?  Depending on your city/state and lease situation you might have rights to stay where you are.  Some areas also have housing for single mothers. 

[cult]

Thanx, cult. It's been a pretty miserable sob fest over here starting about now after my son falls asleep. He dumped me on mothers day how u like that? Lollll. Ugh. It's nice to hear from people who are going thru the same thing... . not that it's nice ur going thru it but Im not alone sobbing in the fetal position . I really hope things work out for u.

Thanks AJ, my r/s is surely ending, put a fork in it, it's done. She is blowing me off, not responding to emails or calls. And guess who pays for the phone?      Not for much longer.  I am doing better than expected, the limbo phase was definitely the worst. Now that I am moving into the "it's over" phase, I am actually feeling somewhat better. But believe me, those fetal position sobfests still come and I know I have many more to go before I have worked my way through this r/s. I now need to turn my focus onto myself and my healing. My thoughts are with you too. Let's stick together.