I wanna see her tonight...

[flynavy]

Help guyz... . I am feeling really down tonight... . miss my wife so much... . desperately want to feel a warm body next to mine tonight... . I know its wrong... . somebody give me the strength... . I hate this... . I'm too damn old for this! 

[Changed4safety]

I got your back. 

I know the feeling, I think we all do.  Please, ride it out.  Ride it out like an addiction you're craving, because that's what it always feels like to me.  Remind yourself that while it will feel great at the time (maybe... . ) for sure it comes with the hefty price tag of what reengagement means.  I'm struggling not to initiate contact myself right now, not to look at his FB page, or his new girlfriend's page, after getting chewed out by him yesterday for not talking to him. 

I realize I don't want HIM back... . I want to feel validated, to not have him say that I'm a bad person.  I want to feel worthy of someone's love.  Working on giving that love to myself.

What exactly are you seeking from going to your BPDex, and what can you do right now to give yourself comfort? 

[heyhey]

Definitely think of the consequences, they out way the benefits by far. Dont do it, occupy yourself with something, anything. Sit with the emotions let them pass, it will make you stronger next time around.

STAY STRONG!

[flynavy]

Changed4safety... . I'm alone... . hate that... . my wife knew that was going to be a problem for me.  She talked with me about it before she passed.  Just got back from a beautiful trip to Florida with my sister and her family... . so I'm down.  It is so crazy... . all the advice I give to other young people about staying strong and I start to think with my wrong head... . I miss the comfort of a beautiful woman next to me... . its not about the sex... . although it culminates that way for me but rather the knowing someone really cares... . I miss that... . my wife was one of kind... . tomorrow i give a scholarship to a young person in her name at the high school where she worked.  Sandra... . give me the strength like you always have... .

[Changed4safety]

What a beautiful way to honor Sandra's memory.  What did she say, when she talked to you about that?  Did she have suggestions you can implement right now?  Can you get out of the house, go catch a movie maybe with a friend or even by yourself (I am learning to do that) or go do a workout--something to distract yourself with. 

You say it's not about the sex, but "rather the knowing that someone really cares."  Man, can I identify with that.  But the thing is--your ex really DOESN'T care.  Maybe during the moment, but not for long, not for long term.  My ex was much more upset that he felt "blown off" and scolding me for "devaluing" him (like cheating on me regularly for 3 years wasn't devaluing me   ) than in finding out why I felt the need to avoid him.  He's swapped someone out for me--interchangable comfort.  So what you would be getting if you called your ex wouldn't even be what you want/need.   

[flynavy]

changed 4safety... . I hate being a mess like I am tonight... . thank you and heyhey for helping... . it sucks real bad loosing the best thing you ever had(Sandie)... . she is the reason I am who I am today... . I miss her so much... . I hate myself for even thinking I want that animal back in my bed... .

[whatisthetruth]

well admn, id take you out for a beer and darts - we could put her picture on the board and vent old school style.

i miss her too at times and i have to say i hate myself for that!

i really try hard to remember all the effd up hit ive been through - all the crap with her kids - i even wrote a lot of it down so when i feel weak i can go right to it remind myself.

i think they need a thread here called: Vent Sesh - where we can let allthe negative conniving crap out and remind others to definitely not go there.

[Changed4safety]

Flynavy, you are hurting and you want to do something to make the pain go away... . feeling that way is normal and nothing to apologize for.  But things like seeking out our BPDexs, "drowning your sorrows," emotional eating (which I do) is what I call "shadow comfort."  It doesn't really help and introduces other problems.  Please don't hate yourself--you knew you didn't want to do this and reached out! 

[flynavy]

Changed4safety/whatisthetruth... . thanks!  Wahtisthetruth... . thank you for your service... . I am a US Navy A-6 pilot/Viet Nam era vet... . beer/darts sounds good to me... . I am tired of making excuses for people who are so called sick... . I guess we risked our lives for this great country for everyone... . even the animals who preyed on those of us who were willing to give their lives for everyone.

[Clearmind]

Fly, these feelings will come and go and in time you will not think about it as much. It takes time - as cliche as that sounds.

Remind yourself of the reality of this relationships - the facts. Its only natural at this stage of the break up to miss them - you were her partner - its OK.

She is ill - you will in time move forward.