There is a huge part of me wants to ask her to come back. Help

[Hurtbad]

In my heart I want her back because I still love her.  Yet, I know she will only crush me again.  Detaching is a very hard road, and I could use some encouragement.  I cannot sleep.

[Lady31]

Hey - I'm with you.     I am up too.  I was just getting teary thinking about my whole situation.  Currently separated - I filed for divorce and should be final in a few weeks if we continue moving forward uncontested.  Almost unreal to me - I can't believe that in a few weeks I could be divorced and never talk to my H again. 

You sound like you are already totally out of the relationship. I'm sorry you are hurting.  I understand. 

What has helped me just now was starting to make my thankful list all over again - I can already feel myself feeling more relieved than sad.  At least not so sad that it's almost unbearable.  It also helps with the desire to reach out.

My thankful list that helps is DIRECTLY related to the relationship... . basically all the things I start thanking God for that I don't have to go through or feel anymore now that I am away from a sick abusive husband.

That definitely just helped me - I am going to lay down now to go to sleep.  Maybe it will help you too to focus that memory toward all the things that made you miserable and why you are OH SO HAPPY to be out and moving forward in your life.

If you can't get relief that way - remember this feeling WILL pass. It is not forever.  There will come a day when you don't even miss or think about your ex.  You will get through this.  Peace to your soul... .

[stop2think]

Hurtbad - Hang in there. I got your back... . please stay strong. I understand how it feels, pining for the person who you are in love with but they are on a completely different page.

You are not alone, i have those low points when i wish we were still together. But the reality is that no matter what happened between us - he would have made my life more choatic if he were in it. That's how BPD is, it does not allow the person suffering to have the 'heart' to 'love' or to see 'we are still' the ones they fell in love with (if that's what they felt), BUT they are NOT. Their fears, their insecurities and the 'real' them has surfaced now. They will do anything to keep themselves satisfied, survive and fill that vaccum which has now returned... . and once they have a better way of doing that - we are HISTORY.

You do not want to go through the roller coaster ride all over again - it could destroy you. There is so much good we could do for ourselves, don't give up! We are free today, yes we all need someone to love and care for us - but i am sure you know that she is incapable of giving you that in the real true sense.

 i am with you... . you can get through this!

[Hurtbad]

Thank you both.  I still can't sleep but I am grateful for your help.  This is a hellish thing to go through.  As we speak she has her new beau ... . Just there weeks later... . in ourbed since last Wednesday... . having first flown out to met him in another city 3 says after she asked me to leave. Thanks again.

[bewildered2]

hey hurtbad,

sorry to hear about your situation.

remember that she is bad news. for you. for the next guy. and all the other poor guys who will take her at her word and be nice in return, for which they will get the sweetness and light treatment followed by a torrent of abuse, once they are hooked.

BPD is a serious problem to have. and in time you will feel very sorry for her.

but right now, it hurts. i know. and that is the price a person has to pay for getting mixed up with a borderline. hang in there. stay away from her. refuse any and all contact. try getting out and about... . stay busy... . look forwards not back. and let time go by.

you will heal. and we're here to support you.

stay strong!

b2