Mother-in-law has undiagnosed BPD

[Aatahu]

Hi all

I am a woman in a same sex relationship: I think my mother in law has BPD. She lives in south america. She is not speaking to my partner currently due to a totally out of proportion response to an email my partner sent in response to a comment my partners brother made. 

We were visiting here when we found out I was pregnant a year ago (we did fertility treatment), she said 'your mum must be so happy' in a blank tone of voice, meaning that the pregnancy had nothing to do with her or my partner! She then got really upset and spent hours crying about how my partner had hurt her in the past. We are going to visit them again this year and I am dreading it; it is always so stressful. She will cook a lovey lunch then create a huge fight and cry.

Her husband seems totally subservient to her even though she is mean to him all the time. She has alienated all her family and says she feels awful and wants to die. The situiation is so horrible. I feel so sorry for my partner: she has to put up with so much verbal abuse - she loves her mum and tries her best but nothing is good enough. My partner even supports her financially.

I found the stop walking on eggshells book useful and will try to get my partner to read it. Although my mil is nearly 70 she does not seem to be getting better. She has had therapy many years ago and takes a varirty of drugs, but nothing has worked for long. My main worry is the effect it is having on my partner: all this makes her very sad... .

[heartandwhole]

 

Hi Aatahu,

Welcome to our community!  I'm sorry that things are rough with your mother-in-law right now.  I can understand how hard it is to see your partner upset, and to be stressed yourself when you go and visit.  You have found a great place for support and understanding, though.  We have lots of tools to help and also members who have been in similar situations.  Things can get better - there is hope!

How long have you been with your partner?  Did you have a baby boy or a girl?   

Here is a link which may help you and your partner right now: The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship  and Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

Keep writing, it helps to share.  We are here to support you. 

heartandwhole