do pwBPD display double standards? and severe jealousy?

[byfaith]

I am trying to deal with an issue with my uBPDw and wanted to know if these are major traits.

She can call her ex husband of 27 years regarding her son to make arrangements and speak to him cordially, say hello and then thanks at the end of the conversation.

If I hint at calling my ex wife of 2 years regarding my son. (well I can't) really don't care if I do or not but even emailing. If I started the email with ( name of ex) and then ended it with thanks (my name) 

would cause major issues.

My uBPD wife doesn't even want to be in the presence of my ex (which I don't want to either) but there will be a time when we have to and its going to be unpleasent.

She says because of the nature of my divorce and the family situation she views me speaking with my ex differently than her speaking with her ex. her ex was her first husband who she had her son with and I am her 6th husband. My marriage to my uBPD wife is my 2nd marriage. we have been married almost 2 years. I was married to my ex for 25 years

is this normal BPD behavior? or just intensified insecurities that anyone could feel?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[DonaldBlake]

It's identical to what I go through concerning my wife, her family, and my family.  She experienced all sorts of abuse, from sexual to physical to emotional to spiritual, from different members of her family her entire life, and still has contact with them.  As a matter of fact, she even suggested our children speak to her estranged father on his birthday a few days ago.  Although it did not actually happen, the fact that it was suggested is hypocritical.  My kids and my mother have always been discouraged from having any relationship because of my wife.  She has judged my mother very harshly all these years even though any issues I have with my mom are not nearly as brutal as what she has suffered from many of her relatives.  My kids do not have relationships with anyone on my side of the family, but do with a few aunts and uncles and grandparents on her side of the family.  Very frustrating, and disheartening to me... . and most definitely to my mother and other family.

[bruceli]

I am trying to deal with an issue with my uBPDw and wanted to know if these are major traits.

She can call her ex husband of 27 years regarding her son to make arrangements and speak to him cordially, say hello and then thanks at the end of the conversation.

If I hint at calling my ex wife of 2 years regarding my son. (well I can't) really don't care if I do or not but even emailing. If I started the email with ( name of ex) and then ended it with thanks (my name) 

would cause major issues.

My uBPD wife doesn't even want to be in the presence of my ex (which I don't want to either) but there will be a time when we have to and its going to be unpleasent.

She says because of the nature of my divorce and the family situation she views me speaking with my ex differently than her speaking with her ex. her ex was her first husband who she had her son with and I am her 6th husband. My marriage to my uBPD wife is my 2nd marriage. we have been married almost 2 years. I was married to my ex for 25 years

is this normal BPD behavior? or just intensified insecurities that anyone could feel?

Normal from what I have seen... . They are the MASTERS of the double standard and the "I can do it to you but don't you DARE do it to me... .

[Angelnme]

Yes, DRB63, absolutely.

The hypocracy I deal with is nauseating. I am just starting to learn boundaries and how to deal with it. I really don't know yet how to handle the "what's ok for me isn't ok for you" game, I don't even think he sees it half the time.

PwBPD are very mentally self absorbed and don't have much ability to put themselves in others' shoes. Empathy and fairness don't exist much. At least not with my uBPDbf.

As for jealousy, again, absolutely yes. I believe that goes hand-in-hand with their deep fear of abandonment.

[sjm7411]

Boy can I relate to this.  When my BPh is dealing with his ex-wife, I am fine with it.  I even offered to have her sit with us during his daughter's award ceremony a few weeks ago.  But he will sneak and check my cell phone and if there is a text to my ex-husband regarding my son, it's "you guys always talk to each other", and other nonsensical forms of jealousy.  He wasn't able to make it to my son's school event, and I got a passive-aggressive "well now you can sit with your ex-husband and pretend to be a big happy family".  The double standard is maddening.  Now I delete every text exchange between my ex and I so I don't have to deal with his snooping and comments.