Broke down today

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have been in a good place since the weekend, working with my feelings and seeing things for what they are. The past couple of days, I haven't felt anything towards my ex although it has only been a month. Today everything changed, perhaps for the better.

I posted a while ago about weekly mind games and how she has always tried some kind of contact, either through a friend, a game request and so forth. This weekend, after I sent her the money for the girls things took a different turn and I was hit with several e-mails. Each one getting nastier but I remained NC and stood firm. On Sunday, I received an e-mail that was quite formal, asking me to answer her questions about things and then giving me a deadline in which to respond. Again, I remained NC. Monday, and I get the same e-mail sent to my work address but I remained NC.

Today, I get another game request for Words with Friends and I just broke down in tears. She is still inside my head, she is still trying to reach out and as much as NC hurts right now, the only thing I want to do is respond and tell her that everything will be ok and that I am still here. I want to explain to her why I'm going NC and that it isn't because I don't care, it's because I do. However, I know the response that will come back from that and I'm not prepared to take the emotional hit.

It's very difficult because I do still love her greatly and so much of me wanted to tell her that I know what is wrong with her and that we can work through it. Had I known early enough I would have been in a better position to do something about it and had better boundaries for myself. It's so frustrating when you do want to reach out and give them the compassion you would if it was a friend or a family member in need and reaching out in desperation, but also knowing the truth and the path that would take you down. I'm not going to respond but just seeing that today shows me that I still have a long way to go yet.

[Murbay]

I have been in a good place since the weekend, working with my feelings and seeing things for what they are. The past couple of days, I haven't felt anything towards my ex although it has only been a month. Today everything changed, perhaps for the better.

I posted a while ago about weekly mind games and how she has always tried some kind of contact, either through a friend, a game request and so forth. This weekend, after I sent her the money for the girls things took a different turn and I was hit with several e-mails. Each one getting nastier but I remained NC and stood firm. On Sunday, I received an e-mail that was quite formal, asking me to answer her questions about things and then giving me a deadline in which to respond. Again, I remained NC. Monday, and I get the same e-mail sent to my work address but I remained NC.

Today, I get another game request for Words with Friends and I just broke down in tears. She is still inside my head, she is still trying to reach out and as much as NC hurts right now, the only thing I want to do is respond and tell her that everything will be ok and that I am still here. I want to explain to her why I'm going NC and that it isn't because I don't care, it's because I do. However, I know the response that will come back from that and I'm not prepared to take the emotional hit.

It's very difficult because I do still love her greatly and so much of me wanted to tell her that I know what is wrong with her and that we can work through it. Had I known early enough I would have been in a better position to do something about it and had better boundaries for myself. It's so frustrating when you do want to reach out and give them the compassion you would if it was a friend or a family member in need and reaching out in desperation, but also knowing the truth and the path that would take you down. I'm not going to respond but just seeing that today shows me that I still have a long way to go yet.

[IwentWithMyInstincts]

Congratulations on NC! You should be very proud of yourself even though I know it's not easy for you.

Just keep remembering that you're doing the right thing for YOU... . and YOU are all that matters! You're listening to your HEAD and NOT your heart.

And THAT'S why you're doing so well

Ms M.

[VeryFree]

Hi Murbay,

Realising NC is the way and following that way is a very big step. You're doing the right thing!

Keep it together!

[eniale]

Do not allow yourself to be sucked back in.  I am 4 months NC.  I had a similar moment of weakness a few months back after receiving an email.  Fortunately, my therapist said "This is how he would suck you back in."  I re-read the email and realized although he was offering to be supportive of me, it was all about him.  He was feeling lonely as his new "love" lives out of the country and he has not yet found a local substitute for me.  Game playing at its most hurtful.  Do not be sucked in.  You sound like a compassionate person, I am too, and I loved him very much, or, more accurately, I loved the (flawed) perception of who I thought he was, not him as he is.  Wishing you strength and peace.

[GreenMango]

This stuff is hard to deal with Murbay.  Cry all you need to and give yourself some time to grieve.