Sister is Borderline

[sister21]

My sister has just been diagnosed with borderline though I've known it for years. It has been so difficult to deal with throughout our lives. She was always so mean and unpredictable growing up. Constantly put me down and blamed her family for every problem in her life. She is convinced that we were abused as children and every issue in her life is m yparents fault. They have always tried their best and though they aren't saints we had a comfortabel life growing up. In fact, probably because of "oddness" as they liked to think of it, they always doted on her. They don't know what to do and honestly I didn't either. I went to a therapist and she said it sounded like my sister is borderline and now, years later, she gets a diagnosis. she doesn't have many friends and is bad with relationships. Every time one ends, she gets so hysterical and threatens to kill herself. She is constantly threatening suicide and uses it almost as a weapon against us. If I say something she doesn't like, she tells me how awful I am as a sister and threatens to kill herself out of spite. It's crazy and is very isolating. When she's like this, my parents, after years of begging, yelling and pleading, now just dodge her like the plague. I'm the only one that will take her calls and I'm so scaerd she's going to kill herself and I will feel guilty. Her therapist, apparently, says she thinks my father is bipolar. he would never go to a therapist himself. he does have mood swings but they aren't as  common or violent as my sister. My cousin has scizophrenia; my other cousin committed suicide. I just don't know what to do with these people. I just don' tknow and I fear it makes me a bad sister... .

[catnap]

   sister21

I am so glad that you found us.  We offer a wide array of information, communication tools and peer support. . .you are not alone.  

We encourage you to take all suicide threats seriously and call the appropriate (911) authorities to handle suicide threats.  They are trained to respond and assess the situation.  

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth

How To Manage a BPD Relationship/Reducing Anger Using SET

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

catnap

[keldubs78]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  You aren't alone!  In my case it's my mom, but everything you described about your sister is very familiar.  I have also dealt with the idea of my mom killing herself and how guilty I would feel.  For most of my life, that's what has kept me listening to her problems and sympathizing with her.  In the past years of therapy I have gotten to the point that I finally realize that she is an emotional terrorist.  She comes and blows up bombs in order to get the reaction she wants.  The best thing for you to do is to not give her much of a reaction when she makes suicidal threats.  If you choose to take her call, calmly tell her that the next time she threatens suicide, you will call the police.  Tell her you are not a professional meant to deal with these threats and that for her safety you will be sending an ambulance over right away to help her through her crisis.  The next time she does it, you have to actually follow through and call authorities so she knows you are serious.  Suicide threats by anyone aren't to be taken lightly and even though you know she probably won't do it (based on past threats and no action) you should address it like she is serious - every time.  I like to think of it in terms of if I were on a street corner and someone I didn't know was standing next to me yelling about how they were going to kill themselves, I would call the police.  I don't know about your sister, but my mom was mortified at the thought of a big scene with an ambulance and police outside her house.  She hasn't mentioned killing herself since I told her that.  And on the chance that she is actually going to harm herself, you do want professionals to be there to deal with it.  IT'S NOT YOUR JOB - as much as your sister is trying to make it your problem and make you feel like it's your job, it truly isn't.  You have your own life to live and being on the receiving end of such a volatile person isn't healthy for you.  You need to set boundaries. 

[GeekyGirl]

Hi sister21,

Welcome!   I can imagine how painful it was to grow up with a sister with BPD (my mother is the person in my life with BPD), and it has to be difficult to see her, along with your father, struggle with mental illness. I'm glad that you're here and working with a therapist to help you effectively deal with this--that will help you tremendously.

It must be hard to hear your sister's suicide ideations; has she been in any sort of treatment after making these threats? It's important to take threats seriously, as you have, and sometimes you have to reach out to outside resources to get her help, as keldubs said.

How are you doing with all of this going on? Do you have a good support system for yourself?

catnap has given you some good tools to look into, and I encourage you to stick around. There's a wealth of information here, and as you've seen, you're not alone. 

-GG