You went through a recycle. No big deal. We all have done it and we all get up from the table when we're full. Forgive yourself and learn how to create boundaries with this woman because I suspect it ain't over until you make the decision to close that door for good.
As for helping her... . I don't necessarily think you catapulted her into healing making her perfect for the next man... . I think that's your fantasy thinking working in overdrive.
. She's really sick and she has a loong way to go before the slightest thing doesn't trigger her BPD.
That's not exactly how therapy works with BPD. Recovery and learning how to live with the disorder of BPD is TOUGH WORK. It's years and years of intensive work that requires introspection, culpability, the owning of shame, and having a true core desire to heal. Quitting therapy is exactly what most do because that mirror is hella unattractive. Our mirrors are pretty filthy too but imagine your worse shame and multiply it by a thousand and that's what they live with daily.
I made love to my ex in a sweet recycle where he told me we should make a baby and live happily ever after... . for a couple of hours it was so romantic and destiny filled... . then he raged at me with the heat of a thousand suns and cheated with a throwaway fling a couple of days later. I was devastated but who he was became the REAL DEAL.
I had to cut the cord for good... .
Thanks for your answer. It helped me alot.
When she told me she had quit therapy it was obvious that she had split both the therapist, the group and the therapy itself black. She ranted on an on about how she hated them all, that they didn´t understand her and that her therapist could go to hell. She had even written him a letter where she told him how awful he wasd and how awful the therapy was and that he should never contact her again.
She told me probably 20 times that it was over that the therapy and the group would never ever never come back into her life. No one could ever get her back. Not even drag her to the therapy by force. That was her verbatim words.
Stupid stupid me I told her I thought she was splitting them all black. And that they only wanted to help her and that in reality she was afraid of facing her own ugly behaviour. I told her the reason she hated the group was that they had alot of the same bad behaviour as she has and that was what she didn´t like facing.
After two days of me trying to explain this to her she finally capitulated and admitted I was entirely right. She said in fact she loved the group and that they were only trying to help. And that she had to learn how to trust people.
Then she pulled back from he hard and gave me the ugly phone call I described above. She also sent me one short message (as to taunt me) where she said: From now on it will all be very hard work going forward.
And today she had a meeting with her therapist where she had made a long list of things she wants to work with. The last time we talked (where she was cold and vicious) I asked her if she would tell me what was on that list. So that I could support her and just out of genuine interest in her life and therapy. She said no she would never tell me anything and now the therapy was off limits for me (she said the same thing 5 months ago when she split me black last time)! This she said after 3 weeks where she told me everything, intimate details of her past I didn´t even know until now.
My point is this: She really sounds like she has realized a couple of things and is determined to work on her BPD... . BUT she is again using the therapy and the therapist as an excuse to cut me out of her life.
How sick is it that the very thing that should strengthen our bond and make it possible for her to treat me better she is using for the exact opposite effect?
I know this sounds harsh but in the light of this ugly truth now of course I wish that I hadn´t talked her back into therapy. I should never have talked her into therapy in the first place. Or told her she had BPD. At that time she had already done things to me that warranted a complete and irreversible kicking to the curb.
She does not deserve my help or concern. And she will never get it again. I´m sorry for having these thoughts but I´m only human. No words can describe the horror this person is subjecting me to through her actions. And god knows how many more innocent men she is doing ugly things to and stringing along right now. Even when I help her she turns it against me.
Now the therapy group and the therapist are her white knights once again and I am the evil one. It´s like she can´t have both things at the same time... . be happy with the therapy and be happy with me... .
One of you posters said to me some months ago the last time she split me black that what was happening was the was splitting the therapy white and me black... . and I gotta say... . this poster was absolutely right... . I can see it´s happening again now... .
BUT... . if she prevails now and gets her act together... . then I can sit back and know I played a significant part in giving her the keys... . while she ___ all over me in return... . I´m sure her biggest dream is to call me in 3 years and tell me how fantastic her life is, perfect with dream job, dream man and show me all of the proof on FB and then rub it in my nose... .
But yeah, I´m not taking her bait anymore. I must cut the cord like you did. Thx for your answer.
