Missing exbf terribly today

[stop2think]

It's heart wrenching to see him walk away and disappear with someone else. He will soon leave the Co. we both work for. Will never 'hear' him anymore as well.

I haven't seen him since January, the last time we hugged (i could feel him lifeless - like it was pending task) as i left for the airport to return home. He said 'goodbye' and quickly shut the door behind my back. Called me when i reached the airport and told me to let him know when i reach home.

I miss each and every moment i spent with him today. Feeling very emotional and sad. Like everything came to a standstill at this very moment and i am swept away by a hurricane. 1.3 yrs of the r/s ends this way - and i had no say. Simply discarded... . while he is now gone to live the dreams he showed me with someone new... . his soon-to-be wife.

I miss him. :'( :'( :'(

[ISwallowedaFly]

hi stop2think 


i would advise you to do just that. think about it. youre experiencing trauma and withdrawal. it turns your mind to conjuring up painful images and thoughts on its own. and i think youre viewing those things through that prism. sort of like "clinging to the words once said". and i think all of that is to be expected in your situation; but knowing whats going on within you and being mindful of it immeasurably, if you try to think of these pains and painful thoughts as "symptoms", like you have a headache.

i very much understand the "standstill" feeling. the fact is that the storm is over. it may not have finished raining, but the storm is done. to follow the metaphor, you can very much look forward to a rainbow.

"Simply discarded... . while he is now gone to live the dreams he showed me with someone new... . his soon-to-be wife."

i think you know better than that. BPD or not, rebound relationships and/or relationships built on this kind of rushing without grieving dont go well for anyone.

let your mind calm as it can. youve no more to fear.

[Surnia]

Stop2think

a big   for you!

Some days are harder than others! Be patient, healing needs it time! It will get better! 

[Tordesillas]

All of that basically applies to my circumstances and how I'm feeling right now today.  Thank you all for reminding me that I'm not alone in this once again. 

I really like the insight of thinking of the feelings of pain and missing someone as "symptoms" and not actual reflections of a  healthy reality. Its true.  They're things I'm feeling because I'm kind of addicted and experiencing withdrawal.  I don't REALLY want to be with her and I don't REALLY miss being with her.  I miss the high.  I just have to ride this out and it will be ok.

[bewildered2]

you miss the person he pretended to be... . but that person doesn't really exist.

this is the nature of BPD... . just an actor... . not on the screen for everybody to see... . it was a tailor made performance just for you... . that is the way it is with BPD.

he is plain and simple a fraud and an abuser. and you are worth more than that.

hang in there, the pain will subside, and you will learn, and you will get better. he will not.

b2