Was I wrong? 2

[Cocoalover]

At first he asked why I want to meet? I explained I'm going back home. He texted me that missed me and think about me a lot . Then the next he said he felt dreadful and didn't want to meet.

After few days he phoned me and said he still have feeling for me and was sorry for the reaction over messages so yes meet for a coffee .

We met , I was ok, really ok. His eyes suddenly got read and could not fight back tears. I said let's not talk about past. He said he suffers when he sees someone suffer( meant my suffering)

I could feel that he is in a relationship now and when I asked how long? For a year and half. Asking if he's happy now! He looked confused and said he does not know! That all went well with me, but what bugged me was when he said that he spends more times at home in the evening , not going out, not drinking much as before and when I asked about some friends who I thought they were bunch of slut enabling each other to fool around shag whoever is available! He said no, not seeing them for ages! My heart shattered and felt that I WAS BETRAYED BY TIME! If only I stayed for longer? Was I wrong to think he was BPD ?

Now ruminating all the time. Feeling like crying , don't know for me or for him! Any tips on this would be much appreciate it.

[Rose Tiger]

I found that as time goes by, the question changes from 'what if' to 'why didn't I leave earlier'.  He isn't miraculously better despite what he does or doesn't do now.  Hang in there. 

[MarcinN7]

Cocoalover

PLEASE dont venture into the galaxy of "WHAT IF`S".

This is a vast place and we non`s which are always looking for the best in people can really hit it off with our imagination of how it could be if we stayed. The same imagination coupled with the lies makes us stay in those dysfunctional relationships. "If only i do XYZ or be more loving, giving or something then it will be all good"

Sorry I`m going to shoot a harpoon in your foot and bring you down to earth now before you fly there.

The reality is: we brake up with BPD`s because they hurt us. Emotionally, sometimes physically. They are called emotional vampires for a reason - they suck the life out of you. Not because they can but because they have to, their illness/childhood trauma makes them.

We stuck with them for long because we try to see only the good in our SO`s and long for the good times. Unfortunately if we stay we get the whole package and when the dust and the crazy lovemaking in the beginning settles down the sickness takes the stage.

Do you miss the cheating, the lies the hurt he brought you?

Our great capacity for empathy and the readiness to help others is exactly what they exploit. He`s feeling down right now because the dust of current relationship died down and he needs someone new. He needs to feel the intense emotions you get when you meet someone new. If you jump into a "relationship" with him its VERY probable that in a year he will be having the same conversation over coffee with another one of he "ex`s" with whom he had numerous affairs with.

Stop seeing the fantasy version of him and see who he really is.

A nice thing to do is this:

If you had a daughter and she had a boyfriend like this, what would you do? Would you tell her to chase him even after everything he has done to her? Or would you sit on the porch with a shotgun waiting for him to show up?

[Cocoalover]

Marcin,

The last bit you wrote made me smile. Shooting

Thanks God I still can see funny side of things .