Help - do I get my own PO box

[Mcgddss]

uBPDh opened my mail today.

It wasn't anything but our new credit cards.

I went up and asked him if he had opened them.  He said yes.  I told him his name was not on them.

He started to manipulate and twist the truth trying to make himself the victim.

Who else has lived through this? 

Is it okay to get a PO box or will he think I am hiding things - I don't plan to tell him and I am thinking of only moving financial documents that are addressed to me.

[Surnia]

I would go for your own PO box.

It is okay to take responsibility for yourself when your privacy is not respected. It is a healthy boundary in my eyes.

Yes, quite possible that he thinks you will hiding things should he know about it. You cannot control his thinking. You can validate his feelings than ( I can understand you feel like I will hide something) and stick with our truth (it is important for me to keep my privacy concerning letters addressed only to me).

[lockedout]

You're not wrong by seeking out your own PO box, BUT this is likely to be a sign that the relationship won't survive. Having separate finances is not unheard of. And there are some things that are OK to keep to yourself in a healthy relationship, as long as it's not at the expense of the partner. On the other hand, a healthy person isn't going to have any desire to go sifting through your mail because they trust you enough not to believe you're going to betray them. A BPDer will always justify why you should have no reasonable expectation of privacy.

Mine was going through my computer history. I hadn't been on this forum, but on others and she was basically going in to see what I was posting anonymously. She then confronted me for "bashing" and "slandering" her, even though it was completely anonymous. I later went on her computer and had seen where she had gotten screen names for a one or two of the websites. I then stumbled across and incognito e-mail address where there was an e-mail from some guy who had been to the house while I was at work. Something to the effect of "I'm so glad your roommate [me] didn't show up last night but it won't matter what he thinks once you file for divorce; you're the one I want". Even if there was nothing to worry about and the guy was just some wingnut who happened to be around at a vulnerable moment; I still should have gotten an apology just for finding it. Of course she admitted nothing and then proceeded to go up one side of me and down the other for invading her privacy. I was out of there a month later.