BPD Dad tries to commit suicide and his family blames his wife and kids

[snowboo]

Hi, new to the site and first time posting, its amazing so see so many similar stories... . its kind of blowing my mind actually.

My dad has BPD and is very mentally manipulative and can be physically abusive, we saw the physically abusive side more when we were kids and its became less when we grew up and are able to stand up for ourselves.

Last week (after one of my dads rages) my mother finally got up the courage to tell him to leave (so proud of her), despite her fear of him harming himself. He always threatens to kill himself if she ever left, making her feel too guilty to do anything. But she finally told him enough, she was calm about it and after he left she helped him find a place to stay and me and my brother arranged to help him move his stuff friday.

Thursday we didnt hear from him and figured he was trying to avoid it, so we just let him be. The next day we get a call from the hospital saying my dad was in the ICU and had tried to commit suicide. Even though he was prescribedmany kinds of meds that could have killed him quickly... . He took a ton of PCP (who knows WHERE he got it... . I didnt even think anyone had used that since the 70s) and slashed his wrists (across not down) and smeared blood everywhere. He did this, knowing me and my brother were the ones who would find him in that condition. My brothers reaction is hurt and concern, and all I can manage is anger followed by spurts of numbness and then more anger. I am so so hurt, that he would do this to all of us, after everything we dealt with growing up. I just feel sick for my family thinking about it. And to make matters worse, we have been getting vicious emails from his family, blaming us for this ":)idnt we see he was crying out for help?" I feel so betrayed and I thought I had reached the max for that emotion. Almost as bad, are the messages from extended family telling me how much they love my dad and what a kind father he was. I just want to scream at them, telling them everything our "loving father" did to us growing up and continued to do to my mother. I dont know what to do or how to respond except with fake sympathies and feigned concern, and it makes me feel so guilty and smarmy. I honestly dont know what to do.

[Grey Kitty]

  snowboo,

I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone through, but I'm glad you found us here, where people can understand your story. 

If you are just feeling angry and numb, just accept those feelings as what they are, don't try to convince yourself that you need to feel something other than what you are feeling.

Do you expect your dad to be hospitalized for a while now?

How is your mother coping with this?

I wish I could offer you an answer as if I knew what to do.

This won't help you deal with today's issues any, but it might help you understand what you grew up with. This article is about a BPD mother, but I think it can apply to a BPD father as well:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch

Hang in there, and do keep posting here--it really helps!

 GK

[heartandwhole]

 

Hi snowboo,

I'd just like to extend a heartfelt welcome to you as well.  I'm so sorry about your dad's attempted suicide, that is very, very painful to go through.  I can understand your feelings of anger and numbness, I'm sure I would feel the same in that situation, and given your history. We are listening and support you.  

Keep posting, and let us know how you and your family are doing.  We care.

heartandwhole