Painted black again?

[SarahinMA]

So I posted this last week:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=203608.0

Basically, I spoke with my ex for the first time in a while and we discussed our relationship.  I told him that he had been a good boyfriend and he kept playing victim.  I saw him again this weekend, but kept my distance.  I did try to make small talk, and he gave me this passive aggressive, mean back-hand comment about our relationship.  I just sighed and walked away- I could that he kept talking about it as I walked away, but it just appears that it's really hopeless to have some kind of normal acquaintanceship with this dude. 

Maybe I'm still seeking validation that I meant something to his life, but I feel like I've been painted black again- even after what I thought was a decent conversation the last time. 

[Validation78]

Hey Sarah!

It's perfectly reasonable to hope for closure when a relationship comes to an end. Unfortunately, many of us don't get that from pwBPD, as often, they are not able to accept any responsibility for the demise of the relationship, and have rewritten history in order to come to terms with the pain and shame they feel.

Many of us, myself included, have accepted the fact that when dealing with someone with BPD, validation, closure, happy endings, etc. just won't happen. It's far easier to accept it for what it is, deal with our feelings with our friends, family, Ts rather than hope and or expect much from our ex. It's hard, I know!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[crystalclear]

  Sarah!

I second Val78. It's always complicated to accept and even more complicated to understand this disorder.

I do understand the point you made about seeking validation from your ex but believe me even if they did tell us how important we were and that they loved us the most - there is always something fishy about it, an agenda behind it. Back then it felt REAL as hell, but now we see how easy such words come to them. They might have 'loved' us but it would have NEVER lasted long. It's always short lived.

I believed & told him that i just wanted 'us' to live 'happy'... . and i strikingly remember that he agreed to me in the beginning but towards the end said "Happiness is just momentary, it comes and goes in moments - does not stay long". I think happiness is a state of mind, it does not mean you keep smiling all day or have fun all day - it 'just is' a calm & stable feeling. Nothing for them is 'stable' or 'long lasting' - their emotions, their feelings are all momentary - and their actions irrespective of how they affect others are the outcome of the same.