She was with her partner 10yrs and is now divorcing. She asked my ex to come back.
I am wondering if it will work or not. All three of the relationships she had before me (including ours) were tumultuous. I just wonder if it will work out being they have stayed friends all these years or not.
If your ex is an untreated mentally ill women with BPD then no. It will not work out. Things don't work out with BPD's. There are no happy endings. They are mentally ill and they are the epitome of a walking train wreck.
My ex would cry (yes cry) throughout our relationship that "this was the one that got away" and that she couldn't believe she dumped her when she did "nothing wrong".
Really?
BPD's are usually the first to cut and run at the first sign of the possibility of abandonment and they like being in control of relationship outcomes. They usually expect things to unravel so they are always on guard and prepared; especially after idealization wears off.
This is why the rate of them abandoning other's is much higher than them being abandoned. But there are xceptions when they are dumped and it triggers their abandonment pain in a most hurtful way. Especially if they haven't latched on to new supply. So in all honesty your ex only pines for this women because
she did the dumping first and married someone else. It could very well be a case of wanting what you couldn't have which BPD's (and many non BPD's) are notorious for. The one that got away is a fantasy created in your ex's mind because she got rejected first.
I think this woman thinks she has "matured" however we know she is not being treated. I wonder if her fear of being "abandoned" again will take hold again since she never let that go. Thoughts?
First. Earth Angel. This rebound is a disaster waiting to happen. They will not skip off into the sunset forever and have everlasting love. One has uBPD and the other just got out of a ten year relationship. Please do not convince yourself that this will truly work.
Second. I can relate to your complex feelings of loss. Your wondering why she didn't choose you. Your wondering if she's truly mentally ill. You want to know what the other woman has that you haven't got. You want to be validated by your ex. You want her to see your worth. You're pissed that she's chosen to abandon you and run. You feel deep injustice. But we on this board are here to tell you that your ex has done you a huge favor. See the blessing. You've dodged a major bullet.
Third. Whatever this woman thinks is not your problem and your ex is now her problem. You are creating more pain for yourself but trying to figure out scenario's and what if's. Your ex will be the same disordered person no matter who she's with. She won't be better or different. She'll be the same toxic mentally ill person at her core.
My ex had supply lined up before I called it quits for good. I ruminated and created all kinds of happiness fantasies in my mind when the truth is a mentally ill nut case (sorry for the name calling) cannot change who they are no matter who they're with. This is the truth.
Earth Angel. Focus on you and your own well being and let that fantasy of her being well with someone else go. It simply isn't true.
Spell
