Wanting her to share my life experiances still

[trevjim]

been a while since ive posted, been 8/9 months out of the relationship and apart from the odd civil text discussing bills etc ive been 7 months N/C.

Im doing ok moving on, not over her completely but i can see and feel progress so thats good.

However Im finding doing things that I enjoy, I wish she was there to do them with me, Things such as holidays, great films, and days out, I feel sad because she isnt with me.

I dont know quite where the sadness is coming from, if its from me missing her, or me feeling she is missing out and feeling sad she cant be there... . im not sure.

Does anyone else feel like that? is this co-dependancy on my behalf?

[danley]

I'm not sure if it's considered Co dependency on your part. But I think it's normal to miss your ex and most certainly there will be activities that you used to do together that will trigger thinking of your ex. I think basically you miss your ex and the things you used to do together. This in itself isn't enough to be considered Co dependency.

And to answer your question... .

Yes! I feel the same way. My ex and I had a lot of fun times together. We also had a lot of FIRSTS together. So naturally these activities remind me of my ex. From movies, to vacation spots, to restaurants, etc., ... . there's a lot of memories.

[Bananas]

Hi trevjim,

Yes I definitely feel this, it has only been 3.5 months out for me. I am on LC with my ex because we work together, but I try my best to keep things work only because anything more brings me disappointment. 

What is hard for me is my ex and I were pretty much best friends for a year or so before the r/s, so there is a lot of good history there before things went bad.  I guess when we were not intimate I didn't trigger him.     

There are a few things we used to enjoy together that I don't do anymore, not right now anyway, because it makes me really sad.  For me I think it is me missing my friend, the way we used to be before we got intimate.  He seems to be fine, doing the things we used to do with his new gf. 

[mango_flower]

Hey

So as you know, we're about on the same timescale -

Remember how bad it was back then when we both found this board?

Remember the desperation, the distress, the torment, the pain?

It's definitely better now, right?  I mean, not fixed, but better than it was.  So you're definitely heading in the right direction.

But yes - I do feel the same.  Sometimes after work, I get home and just think "Is this it?".  I remember sunny days at the park with a picnic in the evenings, and just strolling round without a care in the world.  I miss those days.

And I miss sharing things with her.  I miss being able to tell her something funny that happened at work.  I miss being able to just drive past the pet store and we'd go in and look at the bunnies, and she'd ooh and aah over them.  I miss just driving at night with her, music blaring and singing along.  Those things are just not fun on your own.

What I'd like to ask you though, is whether you miss doing them with HER, or you just miss somebody special to share those moments with?  Because I've tried doing similar things with my best friends, but they're not as fun, so it makes me think it's HER I miss. But maybe it's just the "Somebody special" part.  I don't know.  What I do know is, nobody can take those days away from me.  Ok so they're sullied now, looking back. But I'm trying to remember the beauty in them, how happy I was. And I'm trying to see that as a good thing rather than it making me sad.

At least I have good memories, for the most part. x

[MarcinN7]

However Im finding doing things that I enjoy, I wish she was there to do them with me, Things such as holidays, great films, and days out, I feel sad because she isnt with me.

I dont know quite where the sadness is coming from, if its from me missing her, or me feeling she is missing out and feeling sad she cant be there... . im not sure.

Does anyone else feel like that? is this co-dependancy on my behalf?

I know this.

I`m shorter into NC then you 2 months now since our last 1day recycle. But i started to detach 6 months ago.

What helps me is reconnecting with my core self which means, reconnecting with what makes you happy, doing those things alone, for myself without anyone else. Playing videogames alone, reading a book, watching a movie - alone, going for a bike ride or to the mall, alone. I still spend time with my friends etc. but i`m allocating a big chunk of my free time to spend with myself to get to know myself, what i like and what i dislike. I think this is key in reconnecting to your true self which i no doubt you lost trying to hold the relationship together like most people here. Also even when i spend time with my friends i put myself as a priority now, which means if i dont want to do something i wont, if i want to do something else i will do it. I`m much less conforming to the group, i`m still easy-going but i`m not sacrificing myself for anyone.

It was hard at first, but after a few months i`m able to do things on my own and not think about her. Also i get urges to do things which i didnt have throughout most of this detachment. I still have healing ahead of me.

[MarcinN7]

Also to add to what i said.

I think that at the begginig of detachment its easier if you spend LOTS of time with your friends. This helps to not try to reconnect/recycle, to take your mind of the ex and not obsess as much. And as you progress and obsess less more time should be spent on solo work and "me time".