where do I start

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I registered a while ago when I was feeling motivated

I'm 32 and feel like I'm 10 ... . living with a BpD dad ruined my life. I  developed severe anxiety, haven't had any normal experiences people my age have... . I remember being happy when I was 10/11 but during one episode where my DAd was throwing dishes downstairs and causing a ruckus, I remember feeling alone lying in my bed thinking "I'm never going to get married", and I also remember thinking how odd that I think that at my age... . Now fast forward 20 years and here I am, can't hide under the veil of I'm still young, things will change

What are some of the best ways to start getting over it and moving on? Where do I start on this website? Haven't had a gf, never kissed a girl(seriously, 32 just writing that I'm in disbelief), sit around afraid of the world, only do things when I'm forced, postponed life far too long.

I'm pissed off , sad, sometimes hopeful and motivated, and really wish I could rewind the clock.

[amazing]

I registered a while ago when I was feeling motivated

I'm 32 and feel like I'm 10 ... . living with a BpD dad ruined my life. I  developed severe anxiety, haven't had any normal experiences people my age have... . I remember being happy when I was 10/11 but during one episode where my DAd was throwing dishes downstairs and causing a ruckus, I remember feeling alone lying in my bed thinking "I'm never going to get married", and I also remember thinking how odd that I think that at my age... . Now fast forward 20 years and here I am, can't hide under the veil of I'm still young, things will change

What are some of the best ways to start getting over it and moving on? Where do I start on this website? Haven't had a gf, never kissed a girl(seriously, 32 just writing that I'm in disbelief), sit around afraid of the world, only do things when I'm forced, postponed life far too long.

I'm pissed off , sad, sometimes hopeful and motivated, and really wish I could rewind the clock.

[GeekyGirl]

Are you feeling overwhelmed, amazing? I remember feeling that "OMG, what do I do now?" feeling too.

Coming here is a good place to start. There are loads of resources and as you can see, many others who can help you with advice and support. Therapy is a good idea too, if you aren't already seeing a therapist. There are some good books out there too; Stop Walking on Eggshells is one that has helped a lot of members here.

Unfortunately, there's no quick fix, but you can turn things around and live a happy and healthy life. You've been through a lot in your 32 years, and you had to process a lot of things as a child that you shouldn't have had to deal with. The emotions you described all sound like what a lot of us are going through.

Have you taken a look at the Survivor's Guide to the right ----> yet? That's what I call the "roadmap to healing." There's some good information here too:Children of BPD Parents: Reclaiming Our Lost Selves.

How can we best help you? You're definitely not alone here. 

[Kwamina]

Hi amazing! 

You're definitely not alone. In my case it's an uBPD mom and like your dad I feel she has had an extremely negative impact on my life. I've often wished I'd could just rewind the clock too but unfortunately I can't. Your life isn't over though, like GeekyGirl said you can still turn things around. You can't change the past but you can change how you deal with things now. Starting point for me was attacking all the negative self-beliefs I held and setting and enforcing boundaries with my uBPD relatives (mom & sis).

[ScarletOlive]

Hi amazing,

Just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing. I feel for you when it comes to not experiencing life's events. It's great that you've joined the site and are willing to work to improve your life. Like GeekyGirl suggested, definitely check out the Survivor's Guide on the side panel. It's really helpful.

Some other things that might help you would be work on self-care. Growing up with a parent with BPD, we often view ourselves as less worthy of care than the other people in our lives. Learning to care for ourselves is a huge step in healing. This article might help you: What does it mean to take care of yourself?

You can also write down your thoughts and feelings to get them out of you head. One other awesome thing, amazing, would be to make a bucket list of just big or small things that you've always wanted to do. Then, slowly work through it. The idea is that you are worth it. You're worth taking care of, valuable, worthy of doing fun things for. What are some things that you want to do in life to improve how you feel about yourself?

[Islandgrl]

Hi amazing

It can take a long time to recover from a BPD parent, don't be so hard on yourself.  It's difficult to make up for all the awful experiences of having a BPD parent and the lack of support and decent parent that it entails.  Like scarlet olive says its a great idea to make a list of things you want to do and work through it bit by bit.  Recovery from your experiences is going to take time but you have made a good start by coming on here. 

I'm 38 and feel I haven't progressed with my life as I should have done.  I started my career later and it's a bit of a mess, I'm still unmarried when it seems all of my friends have settled down and I'm always moving around when it seems others have successfully established themselves.  But I try to recognise that I've really come a long way and am really moving forward now especially since finding out about BPD and coming on here.  I have a lot of anger and also anxiety and I think overcoming these is a big part of what holds me back.

Do you think that anxiety is the key issue that you need to get over? Are you seeing a therapist?  I read a book called "overcoming anxiety" by Helen kennerley which I found helpful and would recommend. 

Hope things improve and sending supportive thoughts and best wishes to you.