looking for others to relate to-my mother has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Sometimes I forget that she "is not normal" Or logical or whatever.  I am 35 and moved back in with my mom after a divorce and think I made a mistake! I have a 5 yr old and am back in grad school but now am wondering if I should get a 9-5 job and move out.  Then again, I really want to finish school.  The lengths she will go to to get control over me is absolutely shocking!  There has been a huge mold problem that has been causing us all to be ill.  She told me 2 months ago that she would call the remediation people if I got the house on tip top shape.  I did. She didn't. Next, we had to clean out the basement, all the closets etc. I did that. Then she kept "forgetting", or was going to call someone else.  I am used to her inaction (all she does is watch tv or search the internet) but I thought something must be going on. So I offered to take of the whole thing myself with the money I had saved. Then the truth came out... . she told me she would not have it fixed unless I cooperated with her... . for instance getting my daughter to bed earlier.  If I could prove that in a few weeks then she would think about it. I am brought back to childhood now, feeling so confused and powerless. She is willing to make us all very physically ill in order to have control over me.  It is really scary really.  I just want to lear from others that I am not wrong for feeling like this and to help remind me that this is not normal because being around it for so long sometimes I fall back into freezing and feeling powerless.  Thanks!

[dancingflower]

Sometimes I forget that she "is not normal" Or logical or whatever.  I am 35 and moved back in with my mom after a divorce and think I made a mistake! I have a 5 yr old and am back in grad school but now am wondering if I should get a 9-5 job and move out.  Then again, I really want to finish school.  The lengths she will go to to get control over me is absolutely shocking!  There has been a huge mold problem that has been causing us all to be ill.  She told me 2 months ago that she would call the remediation people if I got the house on tip top shape.  I did. She didn't. Next, we had to clean out the basement, all the closets etc. I did that. Then she kept "forgetting", or was going to call someone else.  I am used to her inaction (all she does is watch tv or search the internet) but I thought something must be going on. So I offered to take of the whole thing myself with the money I had saved. Then the truth came out... . she told me she would not have it fixed unless I cooperated with her... . for instance getting my daughter to bed earlier.  If I could prove that in a few weeks then she would think about it. I am brought back to childhood now, feeling so confused and powerless. She is willing to make us all very physically ill in order to have control over me.  It is really scary really.  I just want to lear from others that I am not wrong for feeling like this and to help remind me that this is not normal because being around it for so long sometimes I fall back into freezing and feeling powerless.  Thanks!

[Rapt Reader]

Oh, dancingflower    No one here will think you are wrong to feel the way you do about your Mom... . In fact, everyone here will totally commiserate and understand your plight, and have empathy for your situation 

You are so right... . she is "not normal" and the fact that you are understanding of that is a great first step in making things better. When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

We are all here for you... . When you post your story at the Relationship Board, and ask your questions, and check out the Workshops, Articles and Videos recommended and available on this site, you will feel empowered to get a handle on your life and your relationship with your Mom. Please keep posting