Any of you thought about contacting their past exes?

[Undone123]

I had no choice to know about my exes, exes... . When we started going out, she still had pictures of them up in the house. Her Facebook had photos with comments like "aren't we a happy family"... . I saw all this stuff, because despite me being the absolute love her life, she kept it all there for me to see. She even kept their old sex toys, and let me know they'd used them (man the hit I put up with, what  a fool)... .

Now a bit of me wants to contact one of her exes in particular, and just say "hey, what was it like for you?"


Any of you done this?

[mango_flower]

There was a thread on this a few months back, which was very interesting!  I'm not sure who started it though... . but if you can find it, it was definitely worth reading!

Me personally, I haven't.  She was with a guy for 7 years, then with a girl for a few months.  Then nobody else until me.  (4 years later).

But she had a few very intense friendships along the way that have all gone to pot (ended in big dramas) and I'd LOVE to know what REALLY happened there!  There is a mutual friend of a friend I may be able to find out something from, but I'm still debating that... .

x

[Undone123]

Can you remember what it was called? How would you respond if an ex contacted you? If it was me, I'd be like "hey man, get yourself on bpdfamily, spend time with friends, and work on yourself"... . give positive advice.

It just seems like a good idea at the moment. Obviously, 4 months on, I still haven't been respectfully granted any closure, and any contact has been blame/projection based... . I'm having a tough time. Maybe he could give me the closure? I don't know.

[mango_flower]

I would LOVE for an ex of hers to contact me... . preferably the one she left me for   (though theyre still blissfully happy for now)

I'd definitely talk to them, but not in a mean way. I think it would help us both!

Sorry, can't remember what that thread was called... . anyone? x

[delusionalxox]

Ex had a series of broken relationships behind him. One in particular was the woman I should have been ... . a feisty feminist who was totally in lust with him (by the sound of it) just like me, but got the message quicker and dumped him for being an argumentative needy sod :D (This isn't what he said. I just put it together).

A frightening detail from ex was how he stalked his exes if he hadn't gone into total rage with them. He turned up at this woman's house with flowers, crying... . and she took him back (but only once) saying 'if you love me this much maybe I should give you another chance'.

I guess we have all felt this with BPDs but some are more prone to be intoxicated by the love bomb than others!

Another ex was only 19 and a virgin when she met him and putting the pieces together again (plus the monstrously entitled and critical way he acted when first with me) he bullied and controlled her a lot. He left her for 2 weeks having dumped her with what sounds like his usual emotional violence because she would not organise her entire life around him (sounds familiar :D). When he came back, being a beautiful 22 year old she had got another boyfriend who I get the impression she clung to for dear life to get away from ex.

Ex also had one idealised girlfriend, on/off for 7 years, whom he talked about as a 'very special person' etc. He tried messaging her on FB last year- but no reply. And I really wonder if she saw things differently in retrospect than he did... .

I'd love to talk to any of them just to piece together what feels like my own craziness.

I have had contact only with people who worked with him and they all gave a very strong impression of finding him chaotic and irresponsible, which makes sense. And that did help as I realised I was not incorrect to feel that about him despite his protests of how I 'didn't respect him' etc.

[gettingoverit]

I did shortly after we had broken up. I was still feeling pretty raw, and I knew that something had always been "off" about her. Once I discovered that she had accused me of abusing her, I started to reevaluate all the "poor me" victim crap she tried to tell me about her exes. I facebooked him a small message, told him who I was and why I was contacting him. Not even ten minutes had passed and he gave me his phone number with one message "Call me". It was certainly eye opening. We chatted for over two hours. He went through pretty much the same thing I went through. Lying, cheating, running off with his friend, accusing him of abusing her etc. He had it worse though, they had a son together that he never got to meet him until he found him on Facebook some 16 years later (much to my xBPDgf's dismay). Having that conversation really helped me put things into perspective. It confirmed to me what I had been wondering all along. It allowed me to see the pattern of her behaviour. It allowed me to see how this woman operates, and that although it feels deeply personal, it is not. I was just one in a long line of other schmucks that got duped by the greatest con artist.

I am just thankful he was willing to drudge up old hurts and share them with me. Others are not, so you have to be very careful how you tread when dealing with exes. For example the ex before me is still in love with her almost 10 years after they broke up, he hates me because although I don't know for sure, I think I was most likely the "one" she cheated on him with. Since he is still in love with her, he will believe any horse ___ that comes out of her mouth about me. So needless to say, him and I won't be sharing that beer together anytime soon.  The interesting thing about him is that once he let his guard down with me while I was still with her. I could tell he was still hurting, but he said to me "I don't know what it was, but no matter what I did or how much I tried to make her happy, she was never satisfied" That in itself is very telling about the hell he lived through. Ten years, a daughter together and a million break ups later, then to be unceremoniously dumped and replaced in a heart beat can drive anyone to distraction. I do feel for the guy because I think in is heart of hearts he still believes that he could have somehow "kept" her. If only he had done A,B, C or D, she would still be with him and they would be one happy family. He has no idea it would have never turned out the way he wanted it too, because SHE was the problem, not him.

[goodguy]

I talked to a previous ex, as we had a mutual friend. Both went through the exact same thing - idealization, never happy, manipulation, lying, hooking up with someone else the night of your breakup, etc. I'm actually very grateful that he talked to me, and I gained a new friend along the way! 

I'd tread carefully though, depending on who it is. If her current bf tried talking to me idk how I'd take it, as they started dating while we were still together.

[Undone123]

I talked to a previous ex, as we had a mutual friend. Both went through the exact same thing - idealization, never happy, manipulation, lying, hooking up with someone else the night of your breakup, etc. I'm actually very grateful that he talked to me, and I gained a new friend along the way! 

I'd tread carefully though, depending on who it is. If her current bf tried talking to me idk how I'd take it, as they started dating while we were still together.

No it's not the suspected current guy... . I had a think about this. If someone had came to me and said "hey watch how you tread with this girl, she'll mess you up!" I wouldn't have listened. Her business is no longer my business. It's the ex before me I'm thinking of contacting. I remember he contacted her early on in our relationship on facebook. She instantly changed her photo to a photo of us. I thought "bit odd" on reflection, obviously just to hurt the poor bloke.

[goodguy]

I talked to a previous ex, as we had a mutual friend. Both went through the exact same thing - idealization, never happy, manipulation, lying, hooking up with someone else the night of your breakup, etc. I'm actually very grateful that he talked to me, and I gained a new friend along the way!  

I'd tread carefully though, depending on who it is. If her current bf tried talking to me idk how I'd take it, as they started dating while we were still together.

No it's not the suspected current guy... . I had a think about this. If someone had came to me and said "hey watch how you tread with this girl, she'll mess you up!" I wouldn't have listened. Her business is no longer my business. It's the ex before me I'm thinking of contacting. I remember he contacted her early on in our relationship on facebook. She instantly changed her photo to a photo of us. I thought "bit odd" on reflection, obviously just to hurt the poor bloke.

The fact that you were made aware of this is indicative of her being a cluster B, IMO. Be glad you're out.

Agree with you - I was referring to the current bf if/when there's a breakup.

[Undone123]

I talked to a previous ex, as we had a mutual friend. Both went through the exact same thing - idealization, never happy, manipulation, lying, hooking up with someone else the night of your breakup, etc. I'm actually very grateful that he talked to me, and I gained a new friend along the way!  

I'd tread carefully though, depending on who it is. If her current bf tried talking to me idk how I'd take it, as they started dating while we were still together.

No it's not the suspected current guy... . I had a think about this. If someone had came to me and said "hey watch how you tread with this girl, she'll mess you up!" I wouldn't have listened. Her business is no longer my business. It's the ex before me I'm thinking of contacting. I remember he contacted her early on in our relationship on facebook. She instantly changed her photo to a photo of us. I thought "bit odd" on reflection, obviously just to hurt the poor bloke.

The fact that you were made aware of this is indicative of her being a cluster B, IMO. Be glad you're out.

Agree with you - I was referring to the current bf if/when there's a breakup.

What in particular makes you think this?

[jollygreen]

I've always wanted to contact an ex of hers. Much like you she was friends with all her ex's on Facebook and had romantic pictures of them on their too. I got angry when I saw it and talked to her about it. She said they were good memories she wanted to remember. and she had pics of them hung up at her place when we first started out. But when she spoke poorly of them I didn't believe it and saw them as a result of her neediness.

[danley]

I don't think I'd contact my exes ex but I sure do wonder if his behavior was manifested before or during their relationship. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see the interaction between them two. I was always under the impression that his ex was controlling, cold, judgmental, selfish, and manipulative. I have heard his ex had these traits but who knows? I mean, after we broke up, my ex displayed all the negative traits he spoke of in his ex towards me. In fact, i even pointed this out to him. He was pissed. I then told him sometimes i felt like he plastered a pic of his exes face on my forehead because he was acting and reacting like he shared he used to with her. Very accusatory, no communication, no compromise, lots of blame, and circular arguments. He just rolled his eyes. I've always taken my ex version of his ex with a grain of salt because I don't know her. I do believe if I did have am opportunity to talk to his ex she would accuse him of being the things he accused her of. I sometimes used to wonder if Perhaps she also had BPD traits or after them being together for 15 years if she was just reacting to his BPD traits. It's a dynamic that makes me wonder if my ex or his ex or both learned negative means of a relationship while together. Whatever the case may be, if my ex was reacting to habit or not, I did not appreciate the way he would revert back to the same interaction with me that he used to have with his ex. I think it would be interesting to talk to her but it ain't gonna happen.

[mcc503764]

although my x contacted a few of my x's, the thought of doing so never crossed my mind.

I guess my confirmation of her past behaviors came from many mutual friends.  We live in the same small town and actually graduated from the same hs in the same class!  Our circles of friends didn't cross when we were kids.  Then some 20 years later, our paths crossed... .

As I said, I knew of her when were kids, but I never talked to her or knew her.  But, as with any small town dynamic, everyone knows everyone in one form or another... .

So now as adults, and still living in the same town, our mutual friends / acquaintances, have told me on multiple occasions that she is still the same drama laden, boy crazy, hypersexual, crazy girl that she was when she was a kid.  She hasn't changed.  And from what I experienced first hand, I definitely know from personal experience.

I guess hearing that from multiple sources reaffirms things for me. 

[papawapa]

I have thought abpout it, but it is probably not a good idea

[pari]

I have been thinking about contacting my exBPD's ex recently. I have met her a few times and she seemed like a nice person. But was painted black infront of me.

I want to reach out to her and tell her about his disorder. Although she won't be bothered I know. I want to ask her, how did she do it? How did she detach herself from this BPD because I am having a real tough time. They were together for 14 years.

But then what's the point? She blames me for breaking her marriage (although it wasn't me) and by now she has gotten him out of her life. Why would I want to bring back memories? It gives me strength that she was strong enough to deal with it after 14 years. I can do it after 2 years of r/s. It's my own fight.

[understated]

I've definitely been tempted. I believed my ex when he said their relationship ended due to her cheating and now I'm sure there was so much more to it than that. They were together for five years and I always wondered how that was possible since my ex seemed so commitment phobic with me (he would excuse all his push and pull behaviour on being heartbroken before and of course I accepted it). She was in contact with him while we were together so I do wonder how she has recovered from her break up. I wasn't even with him for a year and it's been hard enough picking up the pieces.

[Cocoalover]

Dank, that was exactly what I was thinking about it last week, contacting his ex the one before me. But then I checked on face book and seeing that my ex and his ex and his new partner and some of my ex's lovers are all friends! So thought sure they would  be screwing each other together even in groups while I was still with my ex! Don't mind me I wanna through up all over my body, why did I accept in acceptable!

If I ever talked to him again I'd suggest he should have a seven seater car, collecting ex's, lovers then go for a holiday . Must be interesting

[Cocoalover]

Sorry I meant throw up... .

[willtimeheal]

I thought about it but then I just don't want to spend anymore time obsessing over her.  I just want her out of my mind... . to go away!

[TheDude]

I can't say that the thought of contacting anyone that my ex had a falling out with (much less an ex of hers) has ever crossed my mind. "PD" or not, I wouldn't be pleased at all if any ex did that to me. In fact, I'd be kinda creeped out. Like some sort of 'reverse triangulation (read definition)' thing. This was a relationship between her and I - not anyone else.

Besides, if the goal is to move forward, doesn't it seem counter-productive to dig deeper in reverse?

[Undone123]

I can't say that the thought of contacting anyone that my ex had a falling out with (much less an ex of hers) has ever crossed my mind. "PD" or not, I wouldn't be pleased at all if any ex did that to me. In fact, I'd be kinda creeped out. Like some sort of 'reverse triangulation (read definition)' thing. This was a relationship between her and I - not anyone else.

Besides, if the goal is to move forward, doesn't it seem counter-productive to dig deeper in reverse?

The goal is just simply to go "thank goodness I'm not going crazy, things where that bad, and it happened to him as well"

[findingmyselfagain]

I did manage to find her second exH on FB and we are actually FB friends. Though we haven't actually chatted... . just sent a few emails back and forth. From talking to my ex's supposed "best friend", though the exH was a bit of a case, *SHE* was the one who actually started all of the fights in the r/s. She moved very quickly with him as well, moving in after only the first or second date. I actually found their wedding website though there wasn't much to it. She wrote that she was "22 y/o and engaged to the love of her life." It sort of makes you wonder WHEN they will see THE PATTERN in their relationships. I also messaged a few co-workers and people who knew her when we were a couple. I basically just wondered if I was a complete idiot and missed something. Though we had our moments, our r/s mostly seemed to progress from my point of view. Like many of the stories here, things ended quickly right as the relationship was on an upswing (our wedding shower). The friends and co-workers all told me basically the same thing. That she said I was pretty much wonderful and they were all very puzzled, like me, as to why she walked away so suddenly. They used to feel sorry for her, but found her past relationships to be "EXTREME" (their words) and her stories didn't match up. One of her co-workers who was a little closer to her, told me that her next r/s was topsy-turvy and full of drama, and believed my diagnosis of BPD described my ex "to a T."

Long story short I don't think it's a bad idea if you approach a past ex or acquaintance in a respectful and kind way. Some may not be close enough to see their chaotic behavior, but some are. I believe most people are genuine and understand trying to recognize and recover from a poor relationship. At some point you do need to turn the focus on yourself. Hopefully more sooner than later. It's a process, however, and I wish I had wrapped my head around and accepted it sooner, but I really thought I was in love and really believed she was, too. Hearing about my ex's past patterns and seeing them unfold may have helped me recognize just how unstable she really is. The broken r/s helped me to recognize the dangers of enmeshed/co-dependent relationships and see my unhealthy patterns. I'm in a better place now and I'd never reach out to her because I understand just how broken she is and contact doesn't serve any purpose except to slow my own healing and progress.

[expos]

I contacted my uxBPDwife's ex boyfriend via FB after she split me black and treated me like garbage nearly 4 months ago.

Our experiences were similar in that there was no closure, however, I asked to divorce her and she dumped him.  She went completely cold on him and would not return phone calls, texts, or anything.  When she dumped him, she went completely ghost, which of course sent him into a complete tailspin which really hurt him.

When I asked about uxBPDwife about him (while we were still married), she didn't seem all that concerned about him or really divulged too much information about their relationship. 

I would love to bump into a few of her other exes and have a beer with them - I'm sure we'd have a few good stories to tell.   

[SurvivedLove]

I've not thought about that, no. Mostly because my ex doesn't have any exes other than me.

But I have thought about contacting his mother.

For my sake, not for his.

Back when things between us went to Heck, he painted me black to his mother.

He told her that I had gotten pregnant, told her that *I* had wanted an abortion and that I through that whole process had taken away his free will and his choices.

Having found out now that I got pregnant due to scartissue pulling the clamps I had OFF my ovaries, I feel even worse about these untrue accusations than I did back then. I know his mother would never tell him if I contacted her to tell her the true story.

I am not sure why it matters so much to me. Probably because his mother and I have a lot in common and connected really well and I feel bad when people I like think poorly of me. Maybe because I can't stand being accused and judged for something I didn't do.

I guess I'll have to search my soul a bit more for the answer to WHY.

[Dave44]

I did this and the thread that was referenced earlier was probably the one I started. After many months of suffering and trying to find some sort of closure after my ex abrubtly dumped me leaving me homeless and in a hotel I finally broke and decided to do some digging. I started to hunt down the few ex's via facebook I had names of that she had mentioned here and there through out the relationship. A lot say don't go digging but I disagree. I ended up speaking to several ex's some via email and some that offered to call mr and spek on the phone and let me tell you, what I found out was nothing short of jaw dropping. It not only gave me the closure I so desperately was searching for, in turn realizing it wasn't me that was the crazy one but it also made me realize the true extent of the lies she told me. The amount of lies were staggering -- a scary thought to realize I was sharing a home, sharing a bed... . sharing a family with a women that was blaightenly lying right to my face about pretty much damn near everything. I also ended up talking with some of her ex co workers from her previous place of employment -- yet more jaw dropping stories. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle came together that I just couldn't figure out while dating her. In total, I probably talked to 6 people in depth that where either romantically involved with her or personally involved with her. I won't go into detail about what was said but if you scroll through my previous posts I've talked about a lot of the conversations I had with then in depth in previous posts. Did it hurt to hear all of the stuff I heard? You bet.  Do I regret it? No way. While it didn't make everything "better" it certainly gave me the closure that I would have NEVER got any other way.

To this day, since she ended it and abrubtly cut me out of her life in every way shape and form I have never heard a single thing from her... . EVER.

[mcc503764]

After my initial split with my x, I heard that she had contacted a few of my exes.  I couldn't wrap my head around that one, and I guess it left me more confused than anything else?  The question of why she would do that stuck with me for a long time... .

But when you think about it, making this form of contact is a complete violation of BOUNDARIES isn't it?  I mean how is it even one's place to think that they are justified in doing this?  That's my stance on it anyhow, which is probably why the thought has never even crossed my mind... .

I guess I have seen everything firsthand, so I really don't need someone else's interpretation of their relationship dynamic.  What happens between two people is their business, I don't need / want the details.  I can base my opinions from facts that I've seen.  What I am saying is to always "consider the source" of your information?"  If your x had a nasty break up with another and hurt them, if they still have scars from it, then of course they will be biased in their view... . I guess to me, it wouldn't make any sense to go there for a sort of "reference check" on your x, kinda like using Wikipedia as a reference source for a paper? 

Just my thoughts

MCC

[Scout99]

I did contact and ex once during the process of figuring out wether to leave or stay within my then relationship with an undiagnosed high functioning NPD. I did it for a very specific reason. I needed to straighten out a few question marks to find some clarity in all the crazy making going on in my relationship.

But it was not to compare her with me, but to see if my thoughts were right or not... .

The thing was in our case that already when I met my ex N he had just recently lost all contact with his son, and both him and his parents all were very eager to pant a picture that portrayed his sons mother out to be a monster, a crazy vicious vendictive excuse for a woman who kept his son away from him and his parents... . In the beginning, during the idealization face I somewhat bought in to the whole idea, since my ex was such a lovely man and his parents seemed like the nicest people... . During the years together my image of him changed bit by bit and I started to doubt both myself, and my judgement, and above all, his son wouldn't budge an inch... . He did clearly not want any contact with his father... .

Now I won't go into all the details of our roller coaster ride of a relationship here, but during the months when I had finally figured out that he was a severely disturbed narcissist, and tried as a last resort make him realize he/we needed help if we were going to make it. I decided to call this woman, his sons mother up, because I quite frankly needed to see for myself what the whole thing with his son was all about... .

And I am so glad I did! She was none of the horrible things she was painted out to be. Instead she was a very nice and concerned mother, who had lived in this mans presence, being cheated on, betrayed and so forth but still had stayed for 12 years! For the sake of their mutual son! And her experience of my ex N was like a mirror image of mine. It became very clear to me that it was not hers but her sons decision to go no contact with his father. Due to the fact that he had never felt or experienced his father like a father, since my ex N had never been very interested in his fatherhood while he had the chance... . Instead he had gone away during his sons first years to study, and didn't even go home during the weekends to be with his family, since it was more fun to party with his study-buddies... . He never changed dipers or tucked his son to bed at night, much less get up at night to comfort a crying baby... . "he needed his sleep since he was working"... . And the only time he ever took time for his son was when other people were visiting, then he wanted to show himself off as a great dad... .

Sure they were young when they had their son, so some immaturity might be excused... . But in reality his son never got to know his father in any real way... . So the first time he got the chance was when his parents split and were to share custody. And he had such high expectations of finally be getting close with his father whom he loved and had missed an fantasized about so much... . But what he got was to experience the coldness and the walking on eggshells, the selfishness, the broken promises and all that other crap that was all so familiar to me too... .

And he just tied the knots together in his wise little eleven year old head and decided that being with "dad" was more pain than gain... . and chose to set his boundaries... . A way much wiser kid than I'll ever be!

Needless to say getting in touch with my now exes ex turned out to be a great eyeopener to me. And even more... . Through that I was able to help my ex N's son to reconnect with his aunt, (my N's sister), who is the only one in that family with a normal head on her shoulders... .

And us two women who share this weird experience with this man, both were able to find some closure through this.

I do want to stress out though that there were no feelings of jealousy involved on any of our parts. And frankly I wouldn't even have been bothered if she had shown me pictures of them together from happier times... . And that is probably the way it has to be if such a contact can serve a purpose... . I did it to find clarity concerning something very specific, where there for me had become a lot of dense fog... . And I am glad I did!

None of us have ever told our ex N about it though... . And it will remain so.

[j4c]

I actually know 3 of my exes exes and since we split ive had chance to speak briefly with all 3 of them.

I think its fair to say we are all unanimous in our opinion of her that she is completely BONKERS! 

She actually got one of them wrongfully arrested (I believe him) for assault and he nearly got sent to prison so I maybe got away lightly.

[Sleep doc]

Uhh yeah only one actually.  She's been with a lot of men so contacting all of them would be a real stretch and would require dedicated personnel (for a girl of 25 she really got around - I remember she once was upset with me because while being with me there were some weekends that she didn't have sex with me which she said never happened to her, as in every weekend she was occupied with the attention of a man, like a badge of honor).  Anyway, every guy she ever talked about she remained Facebook friends with mostly because she only participates in casual relationships ie. there is no emotion involved or if there is she suppresses that feeling quickly.  Except for one guy who literally isn't her friend anymore.  I mean she consistently had a physical relationship that she claimed was purely casual, he is friends with literally every other guy she has ever hooked up with, yet for some reason they aren't friends on Facebook (neither are her and I anymore but I digress).  I just found that odd, and again in the early days of NC I was going to get a hold of him to, much like the rest of you, validate the assertion that she is BPD.  I suspected she was a selective liar, I suspected that the guy thought they had a much deeper relationship which I'm almost certain she got him to commit to, then she probably slept with one of his best friends and he was none to happy about it.

But then she started contacting me, during NC, with all the classic BPD stuff.  Emails that talked about being friends again (this is your last chance, let's discuss this "nicely please", etc), texts about how I'm punishing her, and friends don't do this, and miss you in my life, random phone calls that will come around the same time every month but seemingly out of the blue.  She's already sleeping with the next guy, yet still contacting me, despite honestly being downright scary psychotic at the end.  So I didn't need to contact the guy - she confirmed every suspicion.  And frankly I just realized, I'm the adult, she's the child and it's my job to just stick to NC and move on.  Now, when I look back on the whole ordeal, I truly can't believe how stupid I was to get sucked in (I knew full well that she was disordered just not how or what disorder), how much of my life I put in jeopardy, and honestly how LUCKY I am.  She could have blown up my whole life, but didn't and frankly that is just a stroke of absolute serendipity.  So I just figured, it wasn't worth it to upset that apple cart and contact any ex.  This could be like the movie "the usual suspects" where there is no barbershop from skokie, ill and i know that her entire self pity back story was done to elicit sympathy, attachment and fuel me to support this learned helplessness that makes men previously stay.  I get it much more clearly now and maybe not knowing the whole truth bugs me a little, but honestly does it matter?  Someday she will get married, have kids, torture them and herself and that will be the story of her life.  She will think it's a fairy tale, it will be a nightmare and everyone else will be stuck in it.  For me to willingly open that door again by talking to any of her exes seems like a bad idea. 

Plus it's over - who cares why, it's over and we would have never worked.  At least I don't have the what if regret some people do when they end it with someone normal. 

[Pretty Woman]

I didn't contact an ex of hers but a friend and I got my head chewed off (today).  I think you have to be really careful who you contact.  My ex recycled all her exes several times.  In the 11 mo I was with her she contacted almost all of her exes except the police detective that dumped her (wise on her part) a woman she left twice to go with another ex and some woman she said was nuts and locked herself into her house and wouldn't leave. 

Sometimes I think the ones she hasn't contacted were actually the normal ones. 


Again, I think you really need to think about this because in my case my ex said she would file a restraining order against me if I ever contacted her (two days after telling me she loved me). 

You just don't know what hit might happen if that ex calls your ex.