Need help dealing with aching heard

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi,  I'm nursing a broken heart after a two year relationship that has been nothing less than extremely difficult.  But of course, I loved her.  These last 6 months we had agreed to just be friends (or try).  Admittedly, I always hoped that she'd change and that with patience and time we would be work things out.  None of my friends or my parents really approved of this relationship.  Probably because they have seen me sad and hurt so many times.

Although I had ended the relationship and pushed her away when she apologized for all the hurt, I still love her.

Anyway, long story short.  She went away on a vacation to get away and "heal" last week to the other end of the continent.  We live in Canada (East) and she flew to Los Angeles to stay at friend's house.  Well she came back and broke the news to me that she had met someone in California.  She actually met her online before going and although she knew she was going there to meet her, borrowed my suitcase, camera and even my bathingsuit.  She even had me help her select the right clothes to pack!

I'm devastated!  My friends think that this was her last resort to hurt me and possible get me back... .

I'm not sure that's the case as she brought me back everything that I had her place, gave me back my house keys and took back hers.  I've been crying for a week and I'm having a really hard time dealing with this.  I know that it's probably because before this happened, I always knew she was there and that I could have her.  Selfish on my part I know... .

I just want the ache in my heart to go away.  I miss her texts, phone calls and even her bad temper right now.  I'm so sad... .

For those of you that have moved on from one of these parlyzing relationships, please share your tips.

Annie

ps.  the intellectual part of me knows that a relationship with this woman would never work but my heart needs to catch up

[Annie D]

Hi,  I'm nursing a broken heart after a two year relationship that has been nothing less than extremely difficult.  But of course, I loved her.  These last 6 months we had agreed to just be friends (or try).  Admittedly, I always hoped that she'd change and that with patience and time we would be work things out.  None of my friends or my parents really approved of this relationship.  Probably because they have seen me sad and hurt so many times.

Although I had ended the relationship and pushed her away when she apologized for all the hurt, I still love her.

Anyway, long story short.  She went away on a vacation to get away and "heal" last week to the other end of the continent.  We live in Canada (East) and she flew to Los Angeles to stay at friend's house.  Well she came back and broke the news to me that she had met someone in California.  She actually met her online before going and although she knew she was going there to meet her, borrowed my suitcase, camera and even my bathingsuit.  She even had me help her select the right clothes to pack!

I'm devastated!  My friends think that this was her last resort to hurt me and possible get me back... .

I'm not sure that's the case as she brought me back everything that I had her place, gave me back my house keys and took back hers.  I've been crying for a week and I'm having a really hard time dealing with this.  I know that it's probably because before this happened, I always knew she was there and that I could have her.  Selfish on my part I know... .

I just want the ache in my heart to go away.  I miss her texts, phone calls and even her bad temper right now.  I'm so sad... .

For those of you that have moved on from one of these parlyzing relationships, please share your tips.

Annie

ps.  the intellectual part of me knows that a relationship with this woman would never work but my heart needs to catch up

[babyducks]

Hey Annie D,

A breakup with a person suffering from this disorder is so very difficult to work through.   The nature of the bond is loaded from both sides.   It takes time for the initial pain to subside.   

I would suggest going back to the very basics.  When my partner and I split up, in typical BPD dramatic fashion, I was also recovering from surgery and I was forcibly struck by the similarities.   I needed to be very gentle with myself and concentrate on eating, sleeping and getting some reasonable exercise.  There will be plenty of time to figure things out when the emotions aren't quite so raw. 

As ChrisRD mentions there is a physical component to this recovery.

Be gentle with yourself, go slow,  avoid making huge decisions for a while and maybe take a look at this workshop.

TOOLS: Ease your pain by reframing your thoughts

babyducks