trying to deal with this.

[mitchell16]

most have seen my story many times. After a 2 month break up and which we both dated other people we decided to try again. We started counseling togther and went to one session. Everything has been great, she has wanted to get married where in past she hasnt. She has started letting me attend family function and she hd started attending mine. Which had never happened in the first two years. It hasnt been total smooth sailing been a few bumps but we were able to communicate and work them out. like a normal couple. But here is the problem. About two weeks ago a problem on my side of the family involving a relative of mine has caused a problem. Theis relative had to move in with me for finacial reasons about 2 years ago. In the last two weeks this person brought his girlfriends to also live with me. I have spoked to the relative this. and we still have not come to a solution. my BPDgf blew a gasket, got mad. She has never stayed at my house and she ahas her own place. but has started staying at my house some since we got back together. Then this happened and she refusees to stay at my house. She started accusing the girl of using her things etc. I agreed with my BPDgf but said i didnt think the girl had used all of her stuff. OMG my BPDgf brought up everything from the last two years and said how I  took someone else side againt hers and that I would never side with her against my family. and Its been ruff for the past weeks. Of course during the past week or so I have also been  having some health issues that could be serious, still waiting on some medical reports ( former cancer patient) since that blow up she has been back to her secretive way, recieving strange phone calls, not answering her phone, changing passwords on things. When I brought this up to her she once again started getting crazy and accusing me not wanting her sexually and not having trust in her. Of course I have caught her in numerous lies in the past two years and some involving phone calls from other men. Of course now she denies it ever happning. She no longer wants to get married and she also doesnt know if she wants us to continue in a relationship. Where did I go wrong? expressing myself about her acting suspcious. Or doese she think I dindt validate her about the family issues? i can get her to comuunicate what is the root of the problem and I cant get us into therapist office. any help?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Well, its hard to say exactly what caused her to react like this.  I know for my wife, its a huge trigger if she thinks I am taking someone else's "side" over her, especially if the someone else is a family member.  Remember, for people with BPD its often all or nothing, 100% or 0%.  By saying that you don't think your relative's girlfriend used "all" of her stuff, she probably took that as you don't see any truth at all to her concerns.  You don't get partial credit with BPD.

Also, what's up with this relative living with you, and moving his girlfriend in for so long.  Do you need help with living expenses, or does he?  What are your boundaries there?

[jollygreen]

Yes wow! Very close to my situation about choosing sides. My mom was staying at our place to watch it while the bathrooms were being renovated. One night my exBPDgf decided to hangout with two single guy friends at their house while I was out of town visiting friends. One of the guys I knew had feelings for her. I don't want to get into too much detail, but I talked to her on the phone and it was slightly awkward, but thought she would head back home when she was done. Got a call from my mom the same night saying my ex was spending the night at her friends. I told my mom she was hanging out with the two guy friends and she said wow I would never do that to your dad. I was angry because my ex never told me she was spending the night there. She called me the next morning saying she had spent the night and had been planning to do so in advance and decided not to tell me because she new it would make me upset, hello? Not only that, she took a shower there as well and did other things. I told I didn't like that, and she didn't tell me at all before hand. Then I told my mom told me and then my exshe got angry at

[jollygreen]

me saying that my mom and I were teaming up against her. She totally threw away the fact that she crossed a boundary and totally disrespected me. All she could say is that I sided with my who she already hated and one week later broke up. Whilst during that week pretending like nothing was wrong.

[mitchell16]

well at this point I guess it dont matter since last night she called and once again broke it off. She stated numerous "things" wrong that I did in the last two weeks. How she hasnt been happy since we got back togther, never mind just two weeks ago she was planning our wedding and talking about how happy she was that we was back togther. So I guess having the best communications skills with her at this point is pointless. I used to worry would she come back, what would happen, etc. But right now after all this once again, I could care less if she comes back, moves on or really anything else. I hate to say it but at this time I could care less what happens to her anymore. She has burned me so many times, Im tired. I know it my fault that I kpt going back and I need to kick my own butt for that. BUt she is one sick person.

[mitchell16]

oh yeah. I forgot Im off to the leaving board. where I will be staying this time.

[jollygreen]

Sorry Mitchell, I kind of got the same spiel. One week before she split she said she loved me and would do anything for me. Just two days before she split she had a house picked out for us to rent together. And of course I had the marriage and kids talk many of times too just like you dude.